Coming Out...2019

Hi Rst2019,

welcome back and huge well done for coming clean to friends, getting them involved in your recovery, getting them help you manage your finances. Having people around you knowing and rooting for you will make a huge difference mentally and emotionally and recovery will most likely easier and more sustainable with this help.

Wishing you all the very best for 2019.

Eva

Forum Admin

Rst2019 wrote: Hi all, some of you on this site may have ready my old diary entries of my on and off gambling problems that began in 2011.

A quick intro is on my profile but to put it quickly I lost a lot early on from trading stocks and shares (spread betting), took out a loan to chase back my loses and for the past 7 years have been trying to claw it back unsuccessfully because you never can win. Took me a while to realise that chasing wasn't working.

Anyway I have finally started to come out to friends. It started with telling someone I knew in Australia and was through social media so there was no face to face embarrassment and it felt good but I still had a bet after that so have now opted for closer to home support and my closest friends who can actually observe my bank accounts and hopefully offer me financial advice and/or support.

I am not saying I will get one of them to pay off my debt it will still take a few years but it will stop me slipping back into old habits as I am finally letting someone in on my 'secret world'. And that is the problem it was my secret and meant that no one had to know if I just had another little go. Well that has now gone and replaced with some people to watch over me and that is just what I need.

I am also coming back on to here as in my most successful times I was posting here regularly as the support here is great. I now have both online and offline support in place, closed any open accounts and although I'm struggling for a job and have very little spare cash I hope that 2019 will be my year.

Thanks for listening, hope to update you after a chat with a 2nd close friend tomorrow (31st Dec).

Dan.

Hi Dan,
Hope the chat goes well with your friend. I gave up for a couple of years and stopped coming in here, thought I had beat it. So I understand where your coming from.
I think 2019 will be your year, your getting it organised with support. You just got to believe you can.
Good luck!
Bella x

Thanks Bella and Eva. 10 days in, going well. Chat with 3 of my friends has been great and although it was embarrassing at first they have been so supportive.
I went back to my bank to try and consolidate all my credit card debts to them but unfortunately they were pretty useless as my credit rating is that low.
They suggested speaking with Nationwide debt support team who I will do on Monday but I have started to contact my creditors and asking about moving balances around to reduce the ever increasing interest rate.

If I can't do anything I will have to look at step change but I am getting more work and the 500+ a month is achievable its just that I need spare money to buy a car and move out of my parents as they probably wonder why this hasn't happened yet.

One of my friends now has access to my bank account and he looked at it to get a sense of where my money was going and its that block I need in place so I don't go and blow my hard earned money.

Still here, earning money part time and applying for better jobs but without using any of that wage to splash on all the bad stuff just saving it to get back to black.

Dry January almost over, that's for not drinking and not gambling, have saved over 500 quid.

Also have seen my credit score increase. Happy days.

Credit score increase means new 0% credit card applied for and received.
Have moved 2600 quid from 30% interest rate cards, saving roughly 700 quid in interest fees over a year. Amazing how not gambling or throwing money away has opened up new options for me.
Glad I have people in place who will help me look after myself now.

Happy Sunday!

So things are still looking good, working hard to get as much money as possible while living with the parents. One of my best friend watching over my bank so I know I can't try anything and my mindset has changed so much. It will be hard work and there may be lows but I will get through this.

Wow so it's been 4 months since I posted last.

I've been working as much as I can to earn money. I have climbed the 3 peaks of the UK, had an on/off relationship (which is probably dying due to my low finances) and booked on a few holidays. 

It's this last one that is annoying me though. So I have told 2 friends about my poor finances and put off certain things with them but I have other friends who don't know how bad my finances are and some are getting married later in the year which means 2 stag do's. Lot of money going out and I still owe my parents back and am still in over 10k of debt. 

On the positive I've managed to play around with my finances to get better rates and I am paying them off and have a lot more breathing space. I just want my spare money to get rid of debt not have to fork out to please people. 

I'm too proud to tell any more people as they see me as this university educated guy who spends money travelling the world. They would be shocked if I said I've done everything on the credit card for the past 5 years or so. 

Anyway, I need to keep reminding myself how far I've come since end of Dec where I was in a really bad place. Fast forward to end of this year and I want to be more comfortable and happy.