Chronically depressed but not gambling, a turning point.

Hello.

Yes I have experienced depression for as long as I can remember. Im in and out of it but when it hits me again its very debilitating.

I can be serene and content in my own environment but the human world depresses me and when it builds up it overcomes me. I always found it difficult to make friends and my parents never inspired me in a very straight laced upbringing. I actually think some of it is genetic

I was/am a perfect candidate for a gambling addiction and it took hold of me for forty years. When I started at a young age I was numbed out my skull and bored to death. Gambling was a shot in the arm and it made me feel totally alive...just a fruit machine but it changed my life in a very negative way

I also suffer from seasonal disorder as the nights draw in and I work nights.

However I am firmly focused that gambling was never the answer to how I am feeling. I am slowly finding the answers and its not always a pretty result looking in at myself.

I lack a certain motivation to get the most out of life and relationships but Im working on it

I dont know all the answers to depression..I feel some of it is circumstantial. I feel its not all about taking medication. All I do know is gambling  fed off the depression in vicious spiral downwards

Best wishes

We are very similar. I have no friends anymore because my moods have steadily got worse over the last 8 years until I no longer want to talk to people. When I do it's a struggle. My sister visited me the other day. I haven't seen her for 5 years. She's made me realise that somehow  have to go on for her sake. Most days I wish to stop existing. Since her visit I have tried harder to get myself out of my deep slump. I am on the highest dose of anti depressant and it's not working. I went to the doctor and she refuses to give me anything stronger. I believe the answer to overcoming mental illness mist be through a renewed determination to change your life. I am a procrastinator when you stop trying, you can fall quickly into a downward spiral. The things that help me are exercising or simply walking. Listening to positive music. Watching comedies. I know I must try to engage with people more even though it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I believe life is a test and I simply wish to stay alive until I die of natural causes.

Onwards and upwards.

Stuart

Hi Stuart

Thank you for sharing your post on the forum.  I am very sorry to read that you have been feeling so low.   I wanted to write to acknowledge however that despite this, you recognise that in the past you would have relapsed and resorted to gambling, but this time you haven't.  I am sure that this can be encouragement to other forum readers that there are many other strategies to help ease depression, and that gambling is never the answer.  I'm glad that a visit from your sister has helped with your motivation to move forwards, and thank you for writing about some of the constructive activities you do to raise your mood.  

Do give us a call on the HelpLine if you need a chat. 

Warm regards 

Leigh, Forum Admin 

Hi.. you have done well to stay off the gambling despite how you feel.

As I may have said before. How our lives have turned out are remarkably similar, we have both succumbed to the same temptations with similar repeated outcomes and likewise I am also very self-contained. I have at times gone for weeks hardly having spoke to anyone other than cursory chats with till operators. The only real constants in my life.. have been my sisters and parents, but always at a distance with big gaps in between.

I find that walking and exercise are my most powerful anti-depressants. People say that the most powerful anti-depressant of them all is "connection" in all its forms.

I think we are here on earth living a life to help us with our spiritual growth and development. I don't think it is a test as such, but I do believe that we have a life plan that is set out before we are born. We are given free will and as such our life plan can very easilly go "off plan". But I don't believe that there is a big waggy finger when we cross once more to the "other side".... but after a review, we have the opportunity to come back and live another life... with more learning opportunities.

Sorry if the above sounds rediculous but I do genuinely believe what i have wrote.

Cheers for now... S.A 🙂

Please remember that we have very good qualities even if we prone to depression. Its shallow bubbly people that I often worry about as they have nothing of real value to say to me....shallow and empty I find them

I dont consider myself to be a total oddball. I find many human interactions to be shallow and pointless but when I do find good human contact its truly inspiring.

I would often rather listen to music or do my own hobbies. I dont have to chat to people but I do get very lonely sometimes. I work a job that gives me human contact in a hospitality environment so that helps.

I personally dont believe its all about medication...others disagree. I come out of my depression and feel fine....not in a manic way...I just feel content but wonder if I really am. Im probably not but you get on with life dont ya. I want to see it through until the end. A true love would help and not the sort of casual compromise, complicated relationships I find myself in

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Thanks for the kind words.

Yes I absolutely agree that exercise is necessary to help overcome low moods. I regularly walk miles and every time I feel better after making the effort. There was a Harvard study that confirmed the benefits of exercise. When I start. This year I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week and felt amazing, when I returned to work however, I simply couldn't cope and that left me distraught and hopeless. I thought my life was over so relapsed in July. This week I've made a big effort to go on my walks, listen to music, watch comedies and eat proper meals. I'm in the process of looking for voluntary work. I was in a bad slump and stopped trying, that led me to a very dark place. If you are very depressed you must keep trying to be positive.

I'm guilty of self pity. For the last 40 years because of my childhood in care I thought so hard done by. Then I started going to a mental health group. One of the volunteers was a blind lady. That started me thinking of how I've taken my sight for granted. I now recognise that actually every day of my life I've been blessed in one way or another. We take so much for granted. I'm trying every day to be more grateful.

All the best.

Stuart

I like that stuart, being grateful for things we have in life is a great way to remain positive about everyday.  After all anyone of our lives could end today!!! well done for being positive about your sight.  All the best mate

I like that stuart, being grateful for things we have in life is a great way to remain positive about everyday.  After all anyone of our lives could end today!!! well done for being positive about your sight.  All the best mate

Update.

Still haven't gambled and if i make it to New year's day it'll be 11 months free from gambled. Had a blip in August but 11 months is incredible for me. The depression and stress has finally Caught up with me though. Had a small stroke and waiting for an MRI scan. Not that bad, just lost some of my peripheral vision in my right eye. 

We cannot win because we cannot stop. Every day we don't gamble , we win!

All the best.

Stuart