cant do it!

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(@antswifey0)
Posts: 19
Topic starter
 

Ive just spend everypenny in my bank again last night!! What is now scarey is the number of overseas calls to my mobile-spam/casino stuff.  I dont know who im giving my info too..  Any site i can find will do! 

Im working everday now for 10 days and its really going be robbing peter to pay paul situation-re food v petrol v bills... I ignore letters and my heart jumps out of chest if a knock at door! im terrified myhusband opens a letter of mine or get phone call giving anything away.

I kid myself everytime i get a good day that i can beat this, ill wean myself off and a couple of times i havent spent all the money available and foolishly thought yes this is doable.... no chance.

I honestly think ive lost the plot.... why would i use the money i work hard for, money i could buy lovely things with, money i need.

I do have moments when at the last spin knowing its all gone I think i cant do this anymore. Im so full of shame, despair, guilt and self loathing i feel it would be easier for my husband if i wasnt a burden.

Ive slept for 2 hours and this morning my lovely doggies wagging tails and waiting for their breakfast make me feel even more disgusted. I dont deserve their love, i want to take myself in hole and die. 

please dont think you need reply, i dont think anyone can help and i wont do anything silly. I just cant find way through this.

gamblock, natwest card block, no wifi, all of these i find ways around.  I need access to my bank for work or i would close bank account. 

I hate myself right now.

some stories on here are truly inspirational and i wish you all well in your journeys. i just dont think i can do it

julie

 

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 8:33 am
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)
Posts: 607
 

You need to talk to someone and you need a plan. If you wander around not knowing what to do you are lost. You need a direction and you need to set goals. Gambling is not your friend. Gambling is distractions of your reality. I won't go too deep into that but it all starts by you talking to a counsellor here who can give you some guidance in what to do next. You need a change now. It's time to get that change and be strong.

Good luck with your recovery!

 

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 9:14 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)
Posts: 4883
 

Hi Julie.... you haven't said anything about Gamstop? Are you registered? This is the first barrier to put in place, not the last. Gamstop will stop you gambling at all mainstream casino's.

Do it!! 🙂

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 10:29 am
(@clairepotter)
Posts: 47
 

Oh julie,

You have put into words everything I was feeling about 3 years ago, I was spending all our money on bingo going nearly every night, at the time my husband and I owned our own business and I was even using money from that to fund my addiction. I went to great lengths to stop him finding out, from cutting our phone line to having our post as collection from the post office only.  We closed our business and although this was a joint decision I am still filled with guilt that I was spending our money. 

I am back here today for the second time as I managed to get away from excessive gambling for a long time and get back on my feet, but slowing feel myself being drawn back. 

For me the worse day was phoning all the people/companies I owed money too to try and set up payment plans. But once I had done that I felt so much better. Honestly most people are very helpful and kind. 

I still have days when I hate myself and feel my husband and kids would be happier without me but I believe I can beat this. I Believe you can too. Sending you love and support x x 

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 10:54 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hi Julie,

Thank you for your post, I am pleased that you have come here for some support as we do understand how frightening it can be to find yourself in this situation. At the moment you find yourself stuck in a cycle and you can’t seem to find a way out, but as you have read there are many Forum Users who have also been where you are today. Many of whom didn’t feel they could do it at the time, but they are now the people you see as an inspiration. You can be too.

But at the moment It is hard to deal with the feelings of shame and guilt you are experiencing; these are feelings that can keep you locked into this cycle and make it harder to see a way out. But with support you can do this Julie and we would like to offer that support to help you through.

If you haven’t already please do call one of our Advisors on our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or Visit our NetLine for some extra support.

I also recommend you visit our Chatroom at either 1pm or 8pm.  You can meet many of our Forum Users there and I know they would welcome the opportunity to further support you too. 

Kind regards

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 11:56 am

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