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Can you be happy after all the lies  

 
Lotty123
(@lotty123)

My partner had not gambled first 2 years after a 10 year problem. He lost his wife and family because if it. Then we met and there have been lots of lies and doubt from him if he is allowed to be happy and be with me and my son here (his family/ children  are in Ireland, we are in England.) He has questioned this a lot to the point that I have felt very unsettled thinking that he will leave one day and go back to be nearer to his children (all late teens)

After being gamble free for two years, rubbings GA group, being very strong, he gambled last week, lost his wages and didn’t pay our rent. He says he is under a lot of financial pressure and knew straight away he’d done the wrong thing.

he lied but I knew. He is going to show me everything tonight. 
Can’t understand the lack of logic in his head after all the misery he’s had.

Can I ever trust him, am I wasting my time  and risking  things for myself and my little boy?
I love him deeply and I know he loves me too, he’s a good man without this demon.
I’ve already gone through a break up when my husband left after 15 years, I’m not sure I have the strength to start again, again.

Am I just being a door mat?

Any advice with help, thank you  

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Posted : 2nd July 2020 11:16 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi lotty I'm a bit confused. Didn't we sort of thrash all this out yesterday? You had lots of replies off several different people. I'm a bit confused as to why you are starting from the beginning under a different title ? 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd July 2020 11:52 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

In fact third title. 'enough is enough' 'I can't forgive him again' and now this one. Did you not like what the replies said yesterday? You got truthful honest answers from both people in your position and from recovering gamblers like myself. I'm sorry don't know what more you want any of us to say. I know your distressed by all this but 're read what was said yesterday  . I wish you all the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd July 2020 11:59 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@Lotty124

I echo Charlieboy in this. Are you looking for a specific answer to justify what you want to do because I feel you will get the same answers again and again, which is to look after yourself.

I have written and deleted a lot off here as I'm probably being unkind, which I don't want to do, but you probably need to listen a bit more and read a bit more, including your own statements. You are justifying someone else's actions and blaming yourself. Look at what you wrote about the court and having Christmas in Ireland, not introducing you to the family. These are just two things inside 10 years, let alone the abuse you mentioned, let alone the lies about gambling.

To put up with someone because it's hard to start again isn't good enough for you or your son. I know a lot of people do but to use another gambling recovery phrase, if nothing changes then nothing changes. Apply that to him, to yourself or your situation.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd July 2020 3:45 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Lotty this is about you. You don’t seem to think you’re worth more than this. Excuses are excuses. In my opinion he has lied about more than just gambling and money. Why do you think that’s ok? Do you think someone who cares about you would lie about where they are, who they are with? Can you tell when he’s telling the truth?

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Posted : 2nd July 2020 4:23 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya lotty 

I know everyone one can change but you've got to show willing and that's not you I'm talking about. So much help out there for your partner but there's also help out there for you as you sound very low and depressed. I could be wrong but you've got to look after yourself and your son as you deserve to be happy and I think that's what everyone is trying to tell you 

 

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Posted : 2nd July 2020 7:54 pm
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