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Am I a cg  

 
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

This sounds like silly question on here but am I a cg ?. Been gambling on and off 8 years . By some miracle have managed break even and no debt , I realise am in minority. But amounts gambling example 2 weeks ago. Down £4K last £200 made back to £5.5. This scenario happened al least few other times prev in past few years down a lot and luckily claw back and wd. Would a cg just not carry on as oppose to me wd then send to safe bank account .So every post /info read definition of cg does all available money , but I don’t ( so far) and get it out. So am on the road to becoming one of carry on with level gambling ?. And yes fully realise lucky with very last bet , so that in itself says am one due to fact so close to losing it all ?. Or does it matter whether am cg or not ?. Just that have serious gambling problem ?. I know am broken mentally and tortured by gambling and lost all interest and motivation . So as all say and agree the non financial impact been bad too me. But then I feel guilty if don’t feel happy not financially impacted yet like many on here. My mind is mess basically. As can see am confused and tortured don’t know what reply or advice looking for , guess trying to get thoughts out so don’t torture me. Apologies for anyone reading this . It’s such an internal battle I accept I’m lucky and if carry on will lose and prob badly. And also accept that no different from anyone on here. Year from now if don’t change , or don’t keep all blocks and no access to money in place. My story could be same as 99 per cent on here. It’s just so hard to stop as crazy as sounds when not done all money and no debt and not lost everything. Btw not gloating I’m trying to verbalise my confused and tortured thoughts to stop me gambling .I wish reading all stories on here helps and in theory it should and does sometimes  , but that still not enough like now as tempted ( can’t no access money I remembered the triangle from ga years ago when logical after last session). If I’m not cg then I’m problem gambler I think. Not that have an issue being cg. Guess my head just messed up and it’s more of a battle stopping . But I don’t want to lose everything and have same story as everyone else on here. I really don’t . I need to get back to ga and gamcare counselling . I’m a mess. Sorry for rambling .

This topic was modified 2 weeks ago 3 times by seenthelight2020
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Posted : 25th July 2020 9:21 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi again seenthelight2020, I'm a bit confused as to this question as reading your thread you have been on and off here last 6 years. Problem gambler/ compulsive gambler/ addicted gambler whatever you choose to call it , I think you know the answer to your question. Sadly it is impossible to carry on winning and the fact that you are not in debt is a huge positive, stop now and with help to overcome your problems this could be just a bad patch in your life you can put behind you. Carry on as you are and eventually the destruction will occur, you've been living on the edge for a while now by the sound of it. Best wishes

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Posted : 25th July 2020 9:46 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Yes charlieboy I agree totally. I gave up from may 2014 to July 2019 last year and it just came back. So actively gambling 3 out of last 8 years. I guess would be different story if didn’t stop for that time. Just need to go back to basics and remember how stayed stopped and what had in place and what helped me. Think if carried on going ga wouldn’t have relapsed last year, need get back there as well as counselling here. And agree not sure what question or answer looking for. Guess just trying to get thoughts out. As said don’t feel happy or see as positive that not financially impacted or in debt. I want to die and top myself because the gambling still torture me. So I guess I’m proof you don’t have to have lost financially for it too push you to edge and wanting to die. It’s like the devil inside you , 24 7. Yes agree if carry on , obviously will be financially impacted. As well as all other emotional effects feeling at present. Hope your well charlie boy and your doing great btw  , forgot to say on diary congrats to son too. Thanks for supportive words ( even though I’m like crazy man talking 😬).

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by seenthelight2020
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Posted : 25th July 2020 9:58 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@seenthelight2020, interesting question.

Firstly your username. What have you seen the light from? 

Secondly, what would have happened if you hadn't had that win? How much more would you have chased it and to what extent?

Thirdly, you've already mentioned about your mental state. Do you want to continue feeling how you do?

I have a little saying that I use. "A hobby becomes a habit becomes a problem" Copyright me.

By my saying I mean you can put yourself anywhere on that scale and the next step is waiting. If you are at the habit stage by continuing on with your behaviour you will end up as a problem gambler. The longer you gamble the worse the illness gets. You have already mentioned how you feel. You've gotten past the financial stage where it's just about money and quite clearly into the problem stage.

There were occasions when I could withdraw money, but I couldn't do much with it, it was always gambling money, and inevitably I'd end up back doing it again. 

Go to the GA website and look at the orange book and answer the twenty questions honestly and then put on here how many of the questions you answered "yes" to.

Ultimately you have to decide if you have a problem but I hope I've put a few questions to you which may lead you to your own conclusions.

Chris.

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Posted : 25th July 2020 10:34 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Hi chris thanks for advice and comments , think possibly sort what looking /hoping for.

 

i answered 8 so am a cg. Thank you feel more at peace knowing this . It means that I can’t just have one bet as cg can’t do this as we know where leads. I accept im a cg.

I accept am powerless over gambling , therefore I simply can’t bet however much want to. I accept this now , certainly didn’t years ago . Prob why my recovery failed , willpower simply not enough. Thanks for taking time to help with my thoughts charlieboy/chris.

oh and seen the light as in truly how gambling affects you and how bad it got me mentally. And the financial implications , as was so lucky last time agree with you.

 

light

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Posted : 25th July 2020 10:44 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Ty for saying about my son I'm extremely proud of him and he's my reason why getting over this is so important.  Definitely not a crazy man mate but your posts are those of a guy on the edge, and I would really rather like it if you could step away from the edge and believe in yourself that you have done this before and you can do it again. What you call yourself is not important it's others that like to label us, what's important is that this self torturing stops. I have my first zoom meeting tomorrow with GA as face to face meets not running yet  in my area I really think it would be a good thing to 're visit GA you need support. Best wishes

 

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Posted : 25th July 2020 10:45 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Yes I agree , think why struggled and went back to it last year was not going ga regularly. I have also got gamcare to call me next week . I agree on edge it’s where it can take us , it’s a ride and not a fun one . The little devils voice telling me too , only way stop him is cut head off I think at times. I could go two ways stay stopped for good and be thankful not ruined myself . Or ruin myself as bad as is possible.heads or tails at min . Agree should be v proud of your son achievements:). Take care.

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Posted : 25th July 2020 10:50 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Btw the voice mainly says every day when am awake all day. Deposit 100 on roulette , all in middle section  ,300, all in , 900 then finally all in . Now 2700 out of 100. Have lost 12 spins in row once on live dealer. So messed up logic is well def win 3 possibly.That same thought tortures me daily.Hate it I know that obviously i could lose. But prob is it has actually worked for me the above as many times as hasn’t. So it’s like double torture. I know need help , apologies not trying to trigger anyone talking about thoughts sorry if have . To confirm logical me knows rubbish , but there invasive just want rid. Yes could do three in row , but also lose 20 in row. That’s what need tell myself. Hard , when have devil in ear. Even see him telling me this at times , telling him know for time being . But feeling weak , hence ga meeting and gc counselling. Wish anyone even thinking about gambling read all your posts and my tortured ones . Like to think , make them think twice. But sadly only very messed up ppl or ppl lost hell of lot financially make it here usually , so guys just starting out never see these posts and where takes you. Wish everyone all the best.

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Posted : 25th July 2020 11:00 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Btw another thought that plagues me is crypto gambling . Not regulated and not guaranteed even pay out if win . Can’t time out or limit. Tried once and got out. Another reason can’t have access to money as possible to reg ac and also bet blockers don’t block them all. Another daily nightmare , but as long as don’t have access to money am safe. If anyone reads this keep away from crypto casinos . As said not regulated and no limit option , gamstop or all bet blockers will not work . So even more importantly no access to money , hate them.

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Posted : 25th July 2020 11:04 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

You know the very worst tortured stories on here seem to be regarding roulette. Not something that thankfully I've ever gambled on. These are intrusive thoughts that you are having and they accompany any compulsive behaviour. If through GA or counselling sessions you can get on top of the compulsive gambling the thoughts will calm down. My brother suffers with obsessive compulsive disorder when he's ill the intrusive thoughts are bad when he's better everything calms down. 

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Posted : 25th July 2020 11:20 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

If you only honestly answered eight out of twenty then there's still a problem but I would get back/go to GA and get some weekly peace of mind. 

Personally i answer anything from 18-20 out of 20, or at least I did. 

Good luck finding peace.

Chris.

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Posted : 25th July 2020 11:51 pm
seenthelight2020
(@seenthelight2020)

Thanks for advice chris and of course charlieboy. Give me much to think about. Btw apologies for mentioning unreg casinos such as crypto. Didn’t realise not allowed , thought helping to warn ppl off them and also uk players banned anyway. Could put money in and nothing back if find out from uk. Anyway I digress , take care.

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Posted : 26th July 2020 2:19 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Are you thinking any clearer today ?

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Posted : 26th July 2020 3:25 pm
Ford2017
(@ford2017)

Hi seen, I wish you well on your recovery, like Chris has said I don’t think there are many compulsive gamblers that haven’t answered close to 20/20 my first day at Ga I answered 17. Even regular gamblers or people who don’t gamble know that in the long run there is only one winner. From what I read I think you need to decide for yourself whether you have a problem. No one is judging you if you do, it takes courage to admit a problem and there are plenty of people on here willing to offer support should you require it. Be honest and true to yourself, better now when you’re debt free and the damage is limited than carrying on and realising too late. Ford 

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Posted : 1st August 2020 3:47 pm
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