I know I am a little premature but just wanted to say a huge well done on your forthcoming anniversary !
I'm going on holiday for a fortnight this week so won't be on here for a while
I'm sure like me you marvel some days that you have got this far.
It doesn't seem that long since you were doubting your ability to interact with others and now you look like you have a full time job as a granddad - and enjoying every minute.
Remember the golden rules;
We do it a day at a time.
We watch out for complacency.
We be thankful for what we have and the love and compassion of our family.
We may have lost a lot, but look around your family and think how much more you could have lost.
Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.
Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise; I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt - they may be hurt but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests - hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour, sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
Just for today I will not gamble.
The man who never started a diary believe it or not. When i first came here didn't really understand the site & how to but maybe can put that right in the near future. I think i just posted on whatever section i was reading at the time. Amazing i'm not the most IT literate guy in the world, yet stick me on an exchange or gambling site & suddenly i became Bill Gates.
So Saturday my 7 year old grandson had his very 1st season ticket all ready & full of optimism for the coming season, ( he'll learn lol ). Like his Gran ( my wife ) and her mother he turned up in his new football shirt which i was determined to buy him when my wife bought him his season ticket. Is one football shirt a massive deal for your grandson ?. Well i've lived on approx £20 a week for nearly a year so i didn't have the money i had to save believe it or not. Here's the big deal, i didn't gamble my £20 trying to find a short c*t to his new shirt. Yes i saved it how normal & sensible is that.
What a change for the person that turned up here almost 12 months ago. I dropped them off as usual as close to the stadium as i could get & can't describe the pride i felt seeing 3 generations making their way to the ground. He held grans & great grans hand & it was jump 2 steps, skip 2 steps & walk 2 steps he was so excited & out came my phone to take a picture his name on the back of his shirt. A treasured memory caught on camera.
Rest of the afternoon was spent with his 5 year old brother Mcdonalds then pushing & spinning him on swings & roundabouts in the park. In the blink of an eye the afternoon was gone & it was time to pick them up & bring them home. I think compulsive gambling was just the start for me & it gradually evolved in becoming cancer of the mind & thought process.
On Saturday i felt like something special, my years of numbness thawed slightly, nerves that died years ago began to tingle again and can honestly say i found joy in everything i'd become indifferent to. I've heard people on here say good things happen when we stop and so far i'd have to agree. Of course my recent inheritance helped reduce my debt, but the good thing isn't the money. The good thing is i know what i am & all my weaknesses & had the sense to hand it over rather than do what i did best & insult my deceased friends memory. The good thing although a tiny gesture was having to save & make sacrifices for that shirt rather than looking towards gambling for the answer. As Neil Armstrong once said ONE GIANT STEP.
Stay Strong & Best Wishes