Hi everyone.
I noticed when I joined this site that when I searched for posts from people who have been on the journey for a while, there wasn't much from people a couple of years in. So I'm writing this for the new guys. The ones who can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, and the ones who want to know what a GF life is like.
I'm 700 odd days gamble free.
I want to let you know what's happened with my particular journey.
After breaking down with my boss at work when things got a little too much. He got me on to councelling. At this point, I still hadn't told my wife. I promised her a year before that I would never gamble again. The consequences were that if I was to it again, then she would leave me. So I wanted to prolong the pain for as long as possible.
Through the councelling sessions, it became apparent that I can't hide it. I owed it to my wife and newborn to come clean, whatever the outcome.
I broke my wife's heart. As I was telling her what I'd done, I could literally see the heart breaking. The man she married was a totally different person to the one she first met. I cried as I contemplated sleeping in my car for the foreseeable, and being a part time dad to my girl who I love more than life itself.
It took around 3-4 months, but my wife decided not to kick me out.
Then, I had to tell my friends and my family. At first, it was shame. But after a while, it becomes empowering. Everybody knows, then it's down to you and only you not to present the situation where you can gamble.
I managed to get a loan to pay off my considerable credit card debt. It's going to take me another 4 years to clear it, and I'm skint until that point. But it's a target to aim for and every payment that's made, is another month gamble free. It's painful, and sacrifices have been made but its so much better than the alternative.
I've just found out my wife is pregnant with our second child and I'm relieved I can approach this one without being the compulsive, horrible, sneaky, gambler I was with our first.
Please don't get me wrong, I will NEVER be over it. I still see the gambling ads. I still get tempted to buy a scratch card when I'm at the till. I still sit up at night thinking it would be a good idea to make that one last deposit to try and clear my debt. Bit I don't act on it anymore. I simply have too much too lose and have properly smelt the coffee!
Bottom line is this.
If you are just starting on your journey and think that life is over, that it can't get any better. I am living, breathing proof, that it can, and it does! It takes time, you are going to hurt a lot of people, you have to gain trust again, and you have to trust yourself again. Bit it does get better. Remember though, that it's all down to you! If you're on this forum, then you want to change. Brilliant!!
The help is out there.
Please, I implore you, TELL SOMEONE. Your boss, your wife, your brother, your sister, your mum, your dad, your husband, your wife, your vicar/imam/priest/rabbi whoever! It's the key, it really is. The rest will fall into place.
I wish you all the success, happiness, and determination in kicking it's b**t.
Matt
Hi Matt,
Absolutely brilliant to hear your story. I can relate to it so much. I am very like you but in your first year of recovery. I have a daughter and a missus who 13 months ago was heart broken to learn that her partner had a gambling problem and was in mountains of debt. Unlike you, I did not have the courage to tell her, I was found out when she came across a spreadsheet on the computer which detailed all the people and various establishments that I owed money to.
Like you, after months of debate and sleeping in seperated rooms, she decided to not kick me out of the house and try and work on things. The first about 6-8 months were very rough. It was all still very raw for her and the realisation that we might not ever get through it. We were (and continue to be) renting rather than owning our home, so the thought of never having that security for her and my daughter was terrifying for her.
Anyway fast forward a few more months, 13 months after the news broke and things are much better. My family and friends also know about my issues and I have paid about half of my debt back. Also I have managed to put away some savings in the interim also, in the hope that we could buy a place of our own next year if things fall right for us.
But the big thing for me is to gain enough trust back with my partner that we can have a second child. That will be the indication that I've come full circle with this addiction. It's not going to happen in the immediate future as my partner is still wary and looking for that extra security that if I did ever turn back to gambling, that she wouldn't be in the position that I would have left her 13 months ago. So hopefully like you Matt, next year I can say that I'm 2 years free of gambling and have a second child on the way, that would be massive for me. Thanks for your post.
Happy
Dear @odaat81, @ineffable and @happy123,
thank you so much all for sharing your journey and @odaat81 special thanks for starting this thread. You are so right, it is so important for people to read stories like this when they are at the beginning of their recovery. It is so important to know that even if it feels really hard and scary and painful change is possible and things will get better and it is possible to find life and happiness after gambling.
Wishing you all the very best and continued strength and success with your recovery!
Kindest regards,
Eva
Forum Admin
Hi matt, how awesome and totally right it's inspiring to see a post off someone who is living the dream...... A recovering gamblers dream ,to stay gamble free, to heal the hurt in relationships, to repay debt, to regain financial stability, to rebuild trust with loved ones, to rebuild trust in YOURSELF. Keep coming on Matt also helps you to not be complacent about our addiction, I have gone 3 months now huge achievement for me but more important than that is that I have come to terms with this being a lifetime addiction and never being complacent. Best wishes
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