I'd love to hear anyones experience , strength and hope around the topic of staying strong past 100 days. I just read a post from someone who abstained for 2years and then is back from the same old lapsing pattern and not feeling very good. It scares me. Like today for instance, I have time to myself, I had an urge yesterday and again tomorrow. THis urge felt like an open window in a stuffy room that I could exit through and feel free for a moment. What I know is the the stuffy room is not where I am now , rather it is the casino/ any casino. The open window is not an open window, it is like a trap door. I think to myself, do I really WANT to gamble ? Do I want to be in a casino? Do I want to drive 2 hours each way? Do I want to risk losing alot of money in a few hours? I'm scaping pennies. I think before I purchase anything. I have unattended to health and car issues. I am not working and am on temp. disability. The stuffy room with an open window leading to freedom through a visit to a 2 hour away casino is one big fat illusion; it's one huge lie! All I know is that this journey has to be odaat and that if I want to be free of gambling I have to 'not want to go'. I have to see that my true and reasonable self does not want to go. What it is is that our frontal cortex that reasons weighing out what is a good and healthy choice for us , this part of the brain gets hyjacked by addiction patterns/routes/chemicals . The frontal cortex shuts down and 'we' are NOT reasoning at all. Especially when we are sitting in front of the machines! In action! But I tend to think that an urges triggers the shut down of the frontal cortex and clouds our reasoning ability. An urge is also a cry for the dopemine rush. I /we feel sick and dioriented when the urge is entertained and not followed through on. If I followed through on an urge I'd be flying , I'd be in a state of mind on my drive to the casino which is not normal... it's that of an addict! I know that feeling sick from not following through on an urge only takes a short while to disapate the chemical reaction in my brain and then I can get back to feeling balanced. If I follow through , as I mentioned, I'd be high / altered conciousness before I even got to the casino. I'd be zombified shortly after I began to play slot(s). I'd be remorseful for days and months after leaving. Even if I played a long time winning and losing and left breaking even ( which never happened/ very rarely) I'd still be so sick from the entire scene and the entire experience of getting to the casino, entering the slot 'zone' out zombielike state, barely breathing through the ups and downs & racing heart and mind etc etc... then drivng home 2 hours feeling like I've been through a war. Nope. Just for today I choose not to gamble because I do not want to. odaat. tara2
Hi tara2,
I love the anaolgy about the window and trap door. You're right in that the urge is the brain crying out for it's dopamine rush, somthing that I no longer give into, whether it's day 1 or day 1000, it's alsways one day at a time. Just for today I will not gamble, one day at a time.
One of the most powerful tools to overcome urges to gamble are you call another compulsive gambler and talk about it. very quickly the frontal cortex processes the thought and some rational is brought to the forefront.
If the urges are getting worse, there are a number of suggestions that you could try,
1. read 2 pages from the gamblers anonymous book
2. write a gratitude list, 10 things that you are grateful for, could be anything, often another gamble free day enters my list.
3. write a journal, at the end of the day, clear out the days thoughts, but uncontrolled free flowing writing in the journal. Write whatever comes into your head, and don't think about whether you should write it or not, just get it out of your head.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
