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Northstander diary

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#1 Posted on:
Tue, 30/10/2018 - 13:28

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

 

Have read it helps to put it all down in writing so here it goes

Day 29 GF, the guilt still hits me whenever I think back which is almost impossible to do with gambling ads everywhere! Gamstop really is a blessing, I’ve tried to log onto one of the sites since to see if it works and thankfully it does 

Having somebody checking my account daily is a huge mental block too.                                                                 Onwards and upwards 

Posted on:
Wed, 31/10/2018 - 22:22

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 30 - 1 month and Im happier than I’ve been in a long time. Starting to realise what I’ve lost (not so much in terms of money but time invested in thinking / worrying about gambling ) this time is different, I want to stop, don’t think I ever really did before.

Posted on:
Thu, 01/11/2018 - 20:19

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 31 - evenings by myself seem to get the brain working, put the boys to sleep and I would have previously spent 3-4 hours playing watching blackjack! Come to the forums to read through and remind myself why I can’t go back down that road. 

Onwards and upwards 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/11/2018 - 16:14

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 35 - still GF, puting head into work . Remember to talk if any sign of triggers in future 

Posted on:
Mon, 05/11/2018 - 21:57

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Northstander,

Well done on 35 days GF. It's good to focus on positive things. Things that can make you feel good about yourself outside of the false, short lived buzz of gambling. Focus inwards. Improve yourself everyway you can and you will grow to love yourself, gain the confidence to be and share the best version of yourself and in turn you won't ever need to gamble again.

Talking is great and as the time passes GF you will find everything gets easier. It feels amazing to be open, honest and proud. You have it within you just keep away. One day at a time.

All the best.

Posted on:
Tue, 06/11/2018 - 10:06

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

 

 

Thanks for the kind words sjw. I really feel it’s different this time but not naive enough to think I’m “healed” 

Day 36 - gf 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 09/11/2018 - 16:51

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 39 - had a good chat with my boss about the gambling industry by chance on works event. No sign of trigger probably helped that he wasn’t saying good things 

Posted on:
Mon, 12/11/2018 - 14:35

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 42- a promoted twitter feed reading “send us all your winning slips” popped up yesterday. I did start to look through the replies for a few minutes that got the mind ticking! Soon shook that off. Glad gamstop is in place as think it’s such a good mental barrier for me

Posted on:
Fri, 23/11/2018 - 13:40

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

 

Day 53 - still going strong! Not long now until the holiday season and spending time with family.

No real relapse thoughts at all! 

Posted on:
Fri, 23/11/2018 - 14:44

Bobbyj

Joined:
2018-09-28

You’re doing real good Northstander

Posted on:
Thu, 29/11/2018 - 10:12

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

 

Thanks bobby

Day 59 - had a few dreams about gambling and waking up in sweat and fear. Not quite sure what this means as never dreamt about it before.

No real urges to gamble 

Posted on:
Tue, 04/12/2018 - 09:54

Northstander

Joined:
2018-10-04

Day 64

Still GF, stopped watching horse racing completely and don’t miss it. Used to convince myself I loved the sport but clearly it was all about betting