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Worried about my partner  

 
Clogh49
(@clogh49)

Hi, so im with my partner 3 years. We are engaged and living together. Ive known him through a friend for nearly 20 years and always liked him as a person, no red flags. Im  good friends with his sibling and never knew any issues.

Other day he seemed off so I asked him was he okay and he told me he was after losing money on online gambling since beginning of lockdown. About 2000euro on his own credit card . He used to always put a bet on the soccer aboy 10 or 20 euro a week I and never noticed any issues or problems with this  whatsoever as it was just little bets. He said over lockdown he was bored and went online and lost money and tried to win it back and somehow it just built up. 

I waa so upset, cried and cried. He said he doesnt have a problem and he will clear the card over next 6 months or so. He has a good job that he has held down for over 20 years, missed no bills, mortgage paymebts, direct debits etc. He says it was a once off f**k up and he has learned his lesson and told he he is even done with his little bets now.

I moved out of my rental 2 years ago to live in his house. We have our own bank accounts, money is seperate so he cant get at mine but I do pay him towards his mortgage every month and like I said no payments have ever been late. 

Can I trust this was a once off, I suffer with anxiety so last few days my stomach is in knots.

I need advice please.

This topic was modified 1 month ago 3 times by Clogh49
Quote
Posted : 27th October 2020 11:32 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

 Hi Clogh49

Sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this situation , I know it can be really upsetting and frustrating as an affected other going through this .

There's support available for you and your partner should you need it .  You can contact us anytime on 0808 8020 133 or via our website on our Netline service , and please try to encourage your partner to also do this.  Communicate your feelings carefully and openly with your partner and seek support and advice of people around you , people on the Forum will also help with this. 

Thanks for posting and sharing this and take care. 

Kirk 

Forum admin 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th October 2020 11:34 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hiclogh49, I'm sorry you are so distressed, you've had a nasty shock I'm not surprised your anxiety level is high. I know you won't feel any positives but there are some. The fact that he told you he had a problem is really good gamblers are secretive, lie , become devious and deceitful me included . I only confessed all when I was backed into a corner and my husband had found out some of my gambling. So going forward as the forum admin said try sit with him have a calm conversation find out if you know everything , I hope it is . Make sure that you are protected above all and gain help for yourself talk things through. I hope you find a way through this

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th October 2020 1:40 pm
Clogh49
(@clogh49)

He has self excluded from online gamnling. He did it to prove to me it was once off. He swears it was a moment of madness and panic made him keep going. He said he has no interest in onlinegambling and messed up. He also has said he will stop putting his few pound on t the soccer if it will gain my trust back. Hes promised ill never ever get any kind of shock like that again. He's told me at anytime I can check his phone and online banking and he wont get offended.

I feel he's telling me the truth as he's never touched our joint account money and if he does he puts it back so im hoping he is genuine regarding it. Our account now requires two signatures to withdraw money and while he said he'd never steal from us he understands why i need the security. I feel a bit better today but exhausted as Im been waking in sheer panic the last few days.

He has been told and has accepted if it ever happens again it will break us.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th October 2020 2:10 pm
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