What a day today has been. It's the day I have been building up to for months now and the scariest day of my life. Its the day I told my partner what a deceitful lying scumbag I am. It's the day I told her that I've been hiding the real me for nearly as long as I've known her. It's the day I told her I've lost thousands and thousands playing pointless games on my phone. Money for our future, our security, our family. It's the day I told her I am a problem gambler.
It's also the day she told me she loves me and that we will get through it. It's the day I signed up to Gamban. It's the day I found this website.
Why did I put it off for so long? Let it destroy me bit by bit. Let it take away my pride, my honesty, my decency.
It's the first day of the rest of my life and if you'd have asked me yesterday, I'd have said I didn't have much life left to live.
Now I feel different, like a weight has been lifted. I feel like there might be a way forward. I'm tired of worrying about the phone ringing or a knock at the door, or my bank statements being seen.
I've been reading through the forum for a while now and the common thread seems to be that the only way forward/out is to be honest with the people closest to you!
I'm looking forward to trying to get through this with you all, bit by bit.
C
Welcome!
No one is a scumbag for coming clean so don't be too hard on yourself you've taken a great step in the right direction. Good to hear that your partner is by you that gives strength. I would recommend that she looks after your finances while you talk to someone about the gambling. Most people here have tried it and it becomes a welcome relief for a while when u look to get help. A big tip is don´t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and often. If you want a good book about gambling again I would recommend Allen Carr The easy way to stop gambling. He has a way of getting through to most addicts.
Good luck in our recovery!
Welcome!
No one is a scumbag for coming clean so don't be too hard on yourself you've taken a great step in the right direction. Good to hear that your partner is by you that gives strength. I would recommend that she looks after your finances while you talk to someone about the gambling. Most people here have tried it and it becomes a welcome relief for a while when u look to get help. A big tip is don´t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and often. If you want a good book about gambling again I would recommend Allen Carr The easy way to stop gambling. He has a way of getting through to most addicts.
Good luck in our recovery!
Hi @chjones1981
You should feel proud & happy that you’ve made the steps to make yourself better & happy! By wanting something better for yourself & wanting to be free of gambling yourself will only in time make everything else so much sweeter, from the love of those around you to the respect you’ll feel for yourself.
Youre not in any of this alone & shouldn’t feel any shame about being open & honest about who you are. Use your diary as therapy to talk to yourself & to ask for advice as I’ve found that helps me a lot, carry on talking to your partner & bring her in where you feel comfortable as I’ve also found this to be good & healthy. My partner feels more connected to me than ever because she’s no longer in the dark & it makes my mind clearly as I’m not hiding things from her. I’m currently 62 days clean into my sobriety & feel great, any help or advice you want from anyone on here will help you but if you want it I’m all ears.
Stay strong it will get better, be proud you’ve made these first steps!
Thanks for the messages of support guys!
I slept last night for a full night for the first time in at least 6 months.... What a relief!
I think going forward the other half is going to take over the finances for the foreseeable. When I think about how much I have squandered it makes me feel a bit light headed. The position we could should be in by now in life..... ahh the coulda, shoulda, woulda!!! Well from now on it’s going to be the have done, the did it and the still doing it!!
A friend of mine tried the Alan Carr book and seminar on smoking.... they didn’t rate it but you say the gambling one is worth a go?
For me it’s always been 100% tied in with drinking so I’m cutting that out for now. What about everybody else or is it just me that had to spin the wheel when I’ve had a skinful??
I was forced into the position you were in. I wanted to hide it forever. My wife dragged it out of me. When those words left me 'I have a gambling problem' I thought my world would end I really did.
I was so wrong. If anything. Since I have stopped gambling. (268 days gamble free today) my life has gone from strength to strength no more stress anxiety and depression.
Being honest is d**n hard. But for me coming clean was the best thing I ever did
I was forced into the position you were in. I wanted to hide it forever. My wife dragged it out of me. When those words left me 'I have a gambling problem' I thought my world would end I really did.
I was so wrong. If anything. Since I have stopped gambling. (268 days gamble free today) my life has gone from strength to strength no more stress anxiety and depression.
Being honest is d**n hard. But for me coming clean was the best thing I ever did
Thanks for this Steste. Knowing that a brighter future is possible is completely astounding. I know it's going to get harder as time goes on but feeling like I've a chance of life again...........
Hi @chjones1981
I just want to say you should be proud of yourself for coming clean! It must have been very scary.
My fiance came clean to me last week and was very fearful that I will leave him. He admitted to the lies and deceit for the past 5 years. My heart was broken but I love him and will support him all the way. This is an illness and with the right support I know we will recover from this. I now have access to his bank account and i'm helping him manage his finances. I also have access to his credit report so I can pick up if he applied for some loans. He doesn't have a great relationship with this family, and now that I know about this I am very positive that he'll succeed because we're in it together now.
I know the recovery is life long and it will be a challenging process. I've read about loads of posts from exasperated loved ones who basically advise people to leave the gambler while it's early. We need to remember this is an illness and as long as the gambler recognises this then the prognosis is good.
I told my partner that if he has any urges or cravings to gamble again, he needs to speak to someone. That was my main request from him and I am hoping he will do this. Of course there is a trust issue at the moment, but we are working on this we are both recovering. Early days but as I said above, I have faith in him.
Good luck with your recovery, keep us posted.
Congrats mate! Coming out to loved ones can be the hardest thing to do but in my opinion is the most important. Gambling thrives on secrecy.
Congrats mate! Coming out to loved ones can be the hardest thing to do but in my opinion is the most important. Gambling thrives on secrecy.
That's a very interesting thought and one I can relate to.
To the OP - do you think you could have done this without confessing to your loved one?
Not quite todsy but yesterday my gambling addiction was aired to my wife through a friend because I was to cowardly to confront this myself.
Day 2 in and today and to say I'm feeling relief is an understatement. I've lied for a couple of years now and have racked up thousands of pounds of debt which I am assamed.
One thing is for sure is that although I have disappointed the people I love including parents, I didn't realise how much I was loved and how much people care about me and to know I've made them feel this way has made me quite upset.
Tonight I called the national gambling line and I'll be taking counselling advise to make sure I move on from this horrible addiction and start to move on with my life.
Thanks for listening and it's great reading all your stories, outcomes and advice......
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