Hello all, I will start by telling you a little about me as a person and how this awful addiction has taken over my life. I have been single for about 12 years, "had" a fantastic life, always on holidays, out every weekend, shopping, infact lots of people were envious of my lifestyle. I bought my own house 8 years ago, my friend was going through marriage problems when I bought the house so I helped by letting him move in as my lodger which was only supposed to be for a few months but he ended up staying for 5 years, he is now happily married again and has two children.
The problems started when he left, even though I have always been fiercly independent, I had got used to the company and having him around. The gambling started shortly after he left, I used to put the irish lottery on occasionally which I did via the local betting shop. One week I couldnt get there so I thought why not use an on line betting shop instead which I did. Whilst browsing the site I came across on line bingo, I have previously played bingo (bingo halls) many years ago. As you do I thought this looks fun and I didnt need to leave the house to play and guess what, I won a couple of hundred pounds straight away. This was the start of my slippery slope to hell as I call it.
I have been a compulsive gambler for about 3 years now, it came to a head one new year. My friend was going through a tough time which I guess affected me too, I was due to be at work for 3 night shifts but decided to ring in sick which was a first for me. I had just been paid (monthly) and within those 3 days I had spent every penny I had left of my wages on bingo, roughly £1000. I guess that was the moment I had to admit everything to my friends (my two best friends) as I knew I didnt have any money left to get through the month. They were understandably shocked but as I knew they would they helped me financially. They ecouraged me to go to the doctors where I was prescribed anti - depressants, which I do believe I needed. I gave my friend my computer to make the gambling less assessable. I went 3 months without playing and thought I'd cured myself, but as any compulsive gambler knows this is not the case. I missed that buzz I used to get and got into my head I could control it this time so I went and bought another computer without telling anyone. This resulted in me spending all of my wages again just before we were due to go on holiday so I had to admit what I had done, again they helped me financially so we could go on holiday.
I think from that moment in my head I knew every time I relapsed my friends would help me out that is until a few months after my holidays. I had a "I'm feeling low moment" and actually went home from work on my break. This again was when I had just been paid, this time I spent every penny, all my bill money including money for my mortgage, this is when my addiction was effecting work as well as financially. Creditors were fantastic when I explained about my gambling addiction and put plans in place to pay off any arrears. I gave my friend control of my bank account but this became so stressful for her due to my lying to obtain money which was awful for her. Obviously I had to admit to my boss about my problem, he did all the nessassary protocols, ie: referred me to occy health etc but I felt at the time I was being pushed into all this and deep down I knew this wouldnt make any difference to me gambling because I did not want to stop.
Since then my gambling had spiralled out of control, I continually lied to people, have gettin myself into thousands of pounds worth of debt using payday loans etc and my sickness at work is worrying. I have been to a counsellor through work but felt it wasnt really helping with my addiction but did finish the sessions more to please everyone not myself. I must say my two best friends have been my rock and the fact I was constantly lying broke my heart.
I have been sat all day thinking about telling people my story on Gamcare and so here it is. I have read other peoples storys so I do know that there are people in my situation and hopefully doing this will help to see light at the end of that tunnel!
Dee
Hi Dee, its a rubbish addication, we coundn't spend nearly as much on booze, cigs or drugs, yet the physical effects are not there, no spaced out look, no stumbling over, no yellow fingers. No-one understands it except fellow CG's, and trained counsellors, so it's a lonely addication to beat, and that's why so many people find it so hard to quit, and when they try and offload, nobody gets it, most people think you are mad throwing money at a machine.You have to do it yourself basically, to stop, you will get great advice on here, about blockers, self exclusion etc, but I believe you really have to be hurt financially or emotionally to stop. You sound like you have reached the financial point of no return, have you? Look you sound young enough to beat this and move on, discover sport, a new partner, travel, just get away from this very mentally destructive illness. - Paul
Hi Paul, thankyou for the reply! Your very much right in what you say about it being a lonely addiction! I do think I have reached the point of no return financially. I'm sat constantally thinking about how I'm going to get to work on Tuesday, who can I ask for money? My close friends know of my addiction so they are reluctant to lend me money as they know it will go on gambling, plus its that feeling of letting them down yet again. I have taken the first step by talking to a network of people who are experiencing the same behaviours and emotions I am and I do hope by doing this I can start adjusting the way I think ie: gambling is not my friend! I shall continue to motivate myself to joining the forums and thanks for the positive feedback.
Dee
Hey Dee, stick at it, it's lonely, it's painful, you will be sad, depressed, unhapppy, every negative emotion you can think of will occur, but don't go back and gamble. Mr gamble will be saying, gamble i can make your brain happy again, it's short-lived, believe me I am suffering, I will wake up at 5, with a massive cloud in my head, but I won't gamble again. Take note.
Hi Dee and welcome
I have to say Paul's experience of telling people is very different to mine. I have found people to be very understanding. In fact, that has been an absolute cornerstone of my continued abstinence. People do tend to understand if you tell the whole truth - it's human nature to be empathetic.
It's unhelpful to take a view that no one else will understand you apart from a CG. People will support you becuase they have their own problems too. But if you half tell something then it doesn't ring true - things don't really add up. That's easily done due to our ego's which get in the way of honesty.
Maybe, you need to open up about the underlying cause of your addiction. Sounds like previously you've mainly opened up as a means to get money. That's going to bring a different reward - monetary but maybe not the emotional release you need.
GA could be a worthwhile investment? Or open up more with your good friends?
Best wishes
Louis
Hello Louis, thankyou for the honest reply. I agree with you about being honest, the few people I have told have been understanding and know that any form of addiction is destructive to a persons life. They are genuinly shocked at first as they know me to be such a strong individual and believe I have let gambling consume my life.
I did go to the counsellor with the hope of them getting to the root of the cause of my addiction but I felt everything was focused on what I can do now. There is a GA meeting near me, I know I have to take that step because I do believe it will help me but I feel I need to take small steps with joining this forum being my first. Your right in the opening up to people only to obtain money, this is another negative I need to turn into a positive.
Dee
Hi Dee, welcome to the forum 🙂
Little steps yes but keep taking them, don't let addiction talk you into 'that's enough now, you got it from here'. Great working getting it out, admitting we need help is half the battle...You're not the 1st fiercely independent person to succumb to Mr Gamble & sadly you won't be the last! I didn't want to stop gambling when I 1st found recovery, I only wanted to stop losing, problem is, we cannot win because we cannot stop. I read enough threads to realise I had to stop & it terrified me. I get where both the above posters are coming from because I haven't done my homework properly & I don't know what caused my addiction so for me, I still believe that it was in part financial (that's work in progress) but the proof is in these pages. The people who accept it is an escape for an underlying problem that they then work on fixing are the ones with the success stories & largely, the people who are focused solely on the debt get themselves back on their feet & then convince themselves they can control it again & bam. We can't control addiction but we can learn to live with it.
Your feeling low when you have just been paid is addiction running the show & you need to break your gambling (Time-Money-Location) triangle so that even after payday, you cannot gamble. Once the blocks are in place, they buy you time as you start healing & if you friend cannot manage your money for you anymore then report your card damaged & get them to scratch the CVV number off of the back when the new one comes through. Also, have a chat with your internet provider to see if they can block the sites or look @ blocking software & get someone to do the password for you. There are ways round everything so you have to work on identifying & fixing whatever it is that you are running from & that is scary but @ least you should be able to keep a roof over your head if you stop now.
You friends have recognised that they are 'enabling' you by bailing you out & this 'lifeline' may not be open to you much longer. Getting to GA will give you a different support network, people who have walked in your shoes & can give you a direction to recovery rather than a plaster for the wound. Gamcare can provide support for you & your close friends who have been helping you & as well as GA for us, there are GamAnon meetings for them too if they want to but are struggling to deal with how to really offer help to you.
I may be way off of the mark but my initial thoughts were that your feelings for your 'lodger' must have been incredibly deep for you to go into a period of mourning when he left to create a new world & I wonder if you have ever gotten past this? Have you managed to replace your loneliness?
Time to start using your strength to get your life back - ODAAT
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