Been here before on and off, pretending to care, faking that I’m ready to quit. I realise now I’m a fraud, liar and I wasn’t ready. So I carried on gambling and look where it got me? Back in a financial hole and at square one.
Today I woke up and felt different, determined and I cannot let this continue. I did 2 things I’ve not been able to do, I spoke openly to my wife. I’m yet to tell her the extent of my issue but she is now at least aware. She was calm and understanding.
I finally found the will and blocked any online gambling access from home. All blocks in place which on my phone.
something I’ve been too scared to do, to close the door.
I get paid tomorrow and I can already sense temptation as this is when I usually gamble.
I won’t let that happen, I want to to and I have to do this for my children. 15 years of this, cannot continue.
I’m coming here everyday to talk, any advice appreciated. Cannot think what else I can do right now to prevent temptation, tmw is a new day. I’m a compulsive gambler. I must cut this out for my future. Actions not words
Day 1 - Sunday did not gamble
Hi mate . Totally feel your pain. Well done on being honest mate. Well done for sharing it with your wife. Like you you I am liar , a fraud, telling people I will stop and then do it again . I've managed a week but feel the urge most days and wait for pay day . I'm skint at the moment and this is the only Reason I haven't gambled this week. If you haven't done so already give Gamcare a call and have a chat with them , I did this last week and have been referred to a gambling addiction service. I get my first call practitioner call tomorrow. Like you I don't know if if I really want or wanted to stop. I have self excluded but have still managed to use my partner's card and sign up to sites. My real day one starts tomorrow with the call. It's easier said than done but it is all about actions and not wasting words . I just want to have money to buy nice things in life to share with my partner instead of frustration and disappointing her. I will follow your progress mate . Hang in there , we can do this . ?
Well done on a week mate. It’s not just the money it’s the mental torture too, i’m just trying to take it one day at a time for the moment but I will call gamcare tmw. I’m also doing the online course.
So Gamban, open with wife, course and forum in one day. It’s a start at least but I’ve been here before tmw scares me. Will post tmw too, keep focussed and strong
Well done on deciding to make a change and coming on here. And sounds like speaking openly to your wife has been a positive move.
I’ve recently relapsed in terms of it getting a big problem again and I’m on day 5 of my recovery. In the absence of GA, this place has been a God send. I use the chat room as often as possible and the warmth and support shown by every one in there is fantastic and really does leave you feeling positive.
Personally, I also recently successfully applied for therapy through the NHS Northern Gambling Service after a mate I met at GA recommend it to me. I’m feeling positive about this and can’t wait to get going in a few weeks time.
Well done again and stick at it, use the right tools and use all the support available to you.
@hiddenaddict If I can give you some advice through experience it's to tell your wife everything in one go. Don't leave out anything, don't hide anything to sort out later as it'll come back to bite you.
Firstly you'll feel better for getting everything in the open. Secondly, if you keep drip feeding her little bits of information here and there she'll never know when you're finished. She'll always be thinking what else is there?
Like removing a plaster, get it off in one go. It's initially painful but will fade.
Good luck to you.
Chris.
You've made a start.....yet another start. Now go the whole way and have your wages paid into your wifes bank account or a joint one where you cant blow it. Its all or nothing with us gamblers mate. Be brave and do it or end up like me in another 20 or 30 years having wasted literally hundreds of thousands and time that should have been spent on my family and with my family.
Well done!
It took me 10 months after joining the forum to get on with the tried and trusted advice.
Its now just proof how addicted, delusional and confused I was. I didnt even realise I was hopelessly addicted to it. I felt semi normal and even clever in many ways. I put it down to me being a bit naughty and having bad luck. I didnt realise it was more of a drug addiction than expecting to get my money back.
A delusion I had for 40 years which is quite scary to think about now I am thinking clearly
An addiction that was destroying me but I seemed more comfortable carrying on with the stress and misery of losing money.
I still dont fully understand it to this day. If I had been robbed or dropped money in the street I would have been seriously upset, devastated and told everyone. However I was willing to feed notes into a slot like nothing else mattered.
I didnt understand the odds and I ignored the odds. My addition was the escape and drug addiction of doing it.
The me now looks at the me of the past with bewilderment and even disgust. I have to let the past go to calmly recover though
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thanks @joydivider
it’s like living an outer body experience for me, watching myself spin my money away on slots or poker. Whilst quietly telling myself what are you doing? Don’t do this? Why do I do this? What’s wrong with me? All these questions. The reality is find a way forward without gambling. It’s causing me harm in every way possible.
I admit I love the rush, the feelings. Playing slots getting a bonus. I’ve never done drugs but I imagine it’s the same high.
I cannot keep feeding this it’s destroying my life, writing that feels strange.
I’m more determined than ever to beat this.
I got paid today but cannot gamble.
Day 2 feeling different.
As a partner of a compulsive gambler, I couldn't agree more with what Chris said above. Tell your partner everything, the full extent, aim not to leave anything behind. It will really help with your healing to get everything out in the open. Gambling feeds on secrecy and so tell your partner everything and this way she can support you more effectively.
I think when you know, you know. I too tried to stop many times over the years but I knew I was serious with the way I felt the morning after my last binge. For the first time I signed up to GamStop/gamblock. Hopefully this can be the turning point for you too mate.
thanks, something feels different this time. I’ve done 2 days. It’s nothing but it feels better, I took time for myself today did exercise to replace an urge. Even though I am unable to act on it from home.
I need to open up more to my partner, she’s under a lot of pressure at work on the moment so I don’t want to dump more of this on her yet. It’s not easy. Still going one day at a time, feel a bit moody today which I guess it normal
keeping a running day total on my phone which is helping too
I’m back again following my original post, I’ve reached day 5 gamble free. This seems so pathetic but in reality it’s the longest I’ve gone without placing a bet or spinning a slot in probably 3 years. I’ve had a few mood swings but managed to keep busy. Had a real urge today and thought about how I could get around my blocks but didn’t act on it.
Weekend will be tough with football is on which I would usually place bets on.
I’ve been a better, different dad to my kids too this week. I know this is all for the best but I do miss the buzz, I’m ashamed to feel that way, is that normal?
I have to keep this going, baby steps
Hi hiddenaddict, all normal your brain is missing it's fix and it's trying to make you gamble to get the buzz. Time will lessen it as when you don't give in the urges lessen. So what I'm trying to say is I totally understand what you're going through but stay strong roll with it it will go away . Try getting your buzz in a different way as you said in your post " with your kids" and from being gamble free, spending your hard earned on things much more worthwhile....I know I am !!
Oh and it's nothing to be ashamed about, be proud of yourself that you're addressing it
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