One of the greatest delusions of all for gambling addicts is that if they haven't totally screwed up their lives and in deep debt and despair, they do not have a problem...
I have a life long friend who is a pathological gambler. He has been gambling since a teenager, so about 40 years.
He hasn't worked for years and has been on benefits for most of the time.
When I talk to him about it, he has the nerve to call himself a 'professional gambler' (!!!) And boast whenever he wins anything at all...
He isn't broke and debt ridden any more. Has a small reasonably comfortable life. But nothing to show for his whole life. If he had had a real job this last 20 years, he would own a house, a decent car and have holidays etc...
He is so far in denial and now in control of his constant ongoing gambling that he might never have to face up to how he has wasted his life...
Shall I just leave him to it?
One of the greatest delusions of all for gambling addicts is that if they haven't totally screwed up their lives and in deep debt and despair, they do not have a problem...
I have a life long friend who is a pathological gambler. He has been gambling since a teenager, so about 40 years.
He hasn't worked for years and has been on benefits for most of the time.
When I talk to him about it, he has the nerve to call himself a 'professional gambler' (!!!) And boast whenever he wins anything at all...
He isn't broke and debt ridden any more. Has a small reasonably comfortable life. But nothing to show for his whole life. If he had had a real job this last 20 years, he would own a house, a decent car and have holidays etc...
He is so far in denial and now in control of his constant ongoing gambling that he might never have to face up to how he has wasted his life...
Shall I just leave him to it?
It's his life, so you will have to leave him to it until he shows signs that he wants to change, and maybe then offer your friend some support based on your own recovery.
Forgive me for saying but your post sounds a little bit critical of him? There's nothing wrong with a 'small reasonably comfortable life.' Plenty of people would be happy with that.
As for all the things that could have been, hindsight is a wonderful thing. For all of us.
But it's today and tomorrow that counts, because that's all we've got.
I guess you are right Redeemed. I spent years watching him beg, steal and borrow for his gambling.Squander every wage packet back when he was working...nearly lose everything...
I am critical, because, now he is 'comfortable' and 'respectable' he is able to gamble and gamble all his life away. He sits on the pc 6-12 hours a day, and when he isn't gambling, he is talking about it. He is soo boring to be with that I hardy ever bother anymore.
If his addiction had been alcohol or drugs he would be dead by now.
That's my point, is gambling not bad UNLESS is causes us total carnage??
This could open up into a very interesting discussion, so I will be back tomorrow when I have more time.
But in a nutshell, if the gambling has escalated from a bit of fun into doing damage to oneself or one's family or others, then there's an addiction which needs addressing and fast. This can obviously only happen if the addict is ready to change, if they are not then the spouse/family will need help to protect themselves from the serious (and often tragic) consequences that follow.
Then again if somebody has an independent income, lives alone and can afford to spend all day on a pc playing 12 games of penny bingo an hour (or £100 per spin at ten spins a minute) then I guess there's nobody else to answer to for their unwise spending/lifestyle choices. Although as you say, their friends will find them boring.
In my opinion there is not a one size fits all explanation to gambling I don’t think the morality of it being right or wrong is the right way to look at it. It is wrong for me because I can’t control it but I have friends who I know for a fact have a bet on the gg’s and then leave it for 4 months before something else catches their fancy. These people have a grip on it and see it as a leisure activity that will cost them some money but once in a while is ok for them.
The question I think is about control is your friend under control of what he is doing? Only he has the answer to that question ? And yes when you are quitting you have to cut out your circle of friends who gamble and that is the hardest part for me because it’s a conversation I can’t get involved in.
Yes the way it gets its hooks in on multiple levels, there is no other addiction like it.
The delusion it sets up is ( well Im lost for words). It takes over someones entire persona or personality so they think what they are doing is somehow normal and managable.
It changes people as they use banter and talk of the good life thats coming to hide the facts and the misery. I reckon Ive seen every type of addict in my time as it generally groups people into broader stereotypes of how they handle the same addiction.
....Or eventually dont handle it as it brutally takes peoples lives away.
Gamblers remind me of what I was like so that maybe the hardest thing to deal with. Im not saying they are generally bad people. Im not an inherently bad person but I was a gambling mess who defrauded his own parents to get more money to gamble
Ive met people that seemed to remain cheerful about being tens of thousands down like its a badge of honour. I was more of the quiet, bottle it up inside, gambler although I did frequently lie in a casual way with oh not so bad, I take it easy and I do alright. Truth is I blew several thousand per year from an extremely low income...THE TRUTH...something you dont hear from many gamblers...hardly any I would say
Even though the urge isnt all about the money the hook that its all going to come right next time is a very strong one which adds to the misery and keeps people coming back
Whats changed with me now is I dont put up with the talk from gamblers without immediately challenging it. Then again I dont go near gambling environments and to be honest I want a quiet life away from the forum so I cant help anybody that isnt ready for that help
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
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