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That hour that's broken my family  

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MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

Kev,

your posts continue to stay relevant to me. Like you I was abused as a kid and although most people think I am a nice quiet adult who is nearly 50 now, I still struggle with my inner anger although again like you I am not a violent person.

I do wonder occasionally if my addictive behaviour has anything to do with my childhood experiences or whether I just use those experiences as excuses. Probably a bit of both. I feel if or when I can control my inner anger, I become a better person and am less likely to be out of control and do something stupid like chase losses gambling.

All I can say seeing your recent posts is that it’s a huge challenge to control that inner anger, it’s like just one more thing to try and control along with everything else that is going on. For what it’s worth I think you’re doing a fantastic job attempting your personal recovery and I note the amount of encouraging posts you put out there for new members. Please keep up the good work because you may not know it but you’re inspiring a lot of people on here.

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Posted : 6th July 2020 7:43 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Mythedunk

Thanks for those kind words as I'm so glad that what's going on in life relates to you, I believe most of us are on the same journey and to be honest I do believe our past can effect our future God knows it just doesn't disappear. Many of night I can awake in a cold swet thinking off what's happened growing up what I've went through and what I was allowed to happen. I find myself feeling angry as being abused as you know makes you feel week like being a problem gambler makes you feel week but we all have our flaws and no matter what they're surely one day with enough help we can beat the past and live for the present as we are what we are and that's what we've got to deal with. Thanks again and I'm so sorry you had a bad start in life hopefully we have the future we deserve 

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Posted : 6th July 2020 8:24 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya all just thought I'd update how things are going 

Well since the 24th of April I've not gambled and to be honest it's not entered my mind as everything that occurred during that one hour of uncontrollable gambling is still very much a part off my life. I've put things in place to make sure this can never happen again but still can't stop thinking how stupid and impulsive I was. As I've said before I never want to gamble again but as all us problem gamblers know this can change in a minute. So each day at this moment the fall out from that massive loss is still causing repercussions in my family. My partner is still very disgusted with me and that I've put such financial difficulties on us. I can't blame her but as time goes by I'm beginning to think we're not going to get to the other side together. We'll if that's the case so be it just something else lost to the gambling curse. On the positive side I've received a lot off help and support from the nhs gambling harm service in Leeds, 9we do this over the phone but they've been there for me in my darkest hour and I thank them so much for there continued support. I've found that having that person to talk to who understands makes so much off a difference plus I've had help from a lot off people on this site,  you all know who you are and if it wasn't for all your help and support I'd be a lonely addict sat in the corner feeling sorry for myself. Just be there for each other and give that little bit off encouragement or advice as like me it can mean the world to the addict in the corner with there thoughts 

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Posted : 8th July 2020 2:04 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Awesome update kev you've put a lot of thought into how things are going. Keep going you can do this . You will always have me in the addicts corner with you. Thoughts are just thoughts it's what we do that makes the difference. We will stay GAMBLE FREE

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Posted : 8th July 2020 2:49 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Your one off my best supporters Charlieboy 

Always there if I need someone to talk to even if I'm low and not on the site your there checking up on me and I appreciate it plus you know I'm here if you need me you know that

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Posted : 8th July 2020 2:55 pm
JohnMac
(@johnmac)

Hi Kev,

I know we've chatted about my own story, but just wanted to say been reading through yours and really feel for you. I hope you persevere with the relationship in particular, even if it feels gone right now. Look at Justyn Rees Larcombe - he lost 3/4 million and his house. Of course his wife left, but they eventually ended back together and probably happier than they ever were. Maybe keep that in mind as a positive example.

Best wishes, Mac.

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Posted : 8th July 2020 3:10 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Thanks for that Johnmac 

I just keep prodding along we will see in time , I think it's the trust more than anything else but not to worry we've got 2 lovely kids together or when I say kids ones 19yrs and the others 15yrs old so I've got to be thankful I've got them in our life's plus we would always work out what's best for them and if that means me sleeping on the sofa for set period of time so be it. The balls out of my court but I will make right on my actions and go from there, thanks for your words 

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Posted : 8th July 2020 5:20 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey kev hope you're doing ok today. I'm off shopping so we will see how he deals with today's spend. If he kicks off this time I'll give him a list he can go see how much everything costs. He won't do it kev last time he went shopping was day before me and our son came home from hospital. Lol think he'll find a difference from 15 yrs ago !! 

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Posted : 9th July 2020 11:14 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey kev hope you are a bit better today. I know you are v up and down and I hope that you get more stable soon. I'm starting to be a bit more level not wild swings in mood. But on saying that I'm in a super good mood today as my darling son has been asked to train with the county cricket team ! I am one super PROUD mum 

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Posted : 10th July 2020 2:47 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey kev hope you're ok. When u don't come on usually means your struggling, so I'm hoping that things are not too bad for u

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Posted : 12th July 2020 1:25 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya Charlieboy 

As you say sometimes it all just gets on top off me but don't worry I'll be okay in the end, I hate when I'm like this as its just down to my mental health problems. But I'm not feeling too bad at moment thanks for contact always makes me reply

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Posted : 12th July 2020 5:47 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

You are welcome. I don't like it when you're not posting as I now know that it's because you're feeling rough. Keep your chin up

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Posted : 12th July 2020 6:28 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Thanks Charlieboy 

Hope your doing well I've tried to give a couple off replies so you know I'm not at my worst. I'm feeling alot better tonight just not been myself last few days but I'm getting to the other end of the tunnel thanks 

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Posted : 12th July 2020 8:03 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya all who pop bye 

I hope things are going well for you whoever you are or whatever your story as we're all joined together with this horrible addiction we share, I've not been too good the last few days as what I lost when I released has really been effecting me, I know I say the past is the past but when you get the feelings it's hard not to remember the damage you caused with just 1hr off gambling and really annoys me that I was allowed to lose as much that I didn't have as I'm sure if I'd won to much they would be asking me for id ect. I hate the gambling company's and how they can destroy people's life in the blink of an eye, I like to read people's stories as they keep me grounded but it's a joke the amount of people this disease effects it just goes on and on,same story different name. Plus you read about the changes the Lord's statement is going to change but I believe the gambling company's are a law to themselves why not put an independent ombudsmen in to control people's complaints instead of the gambling commission fining them a set amount as none off us Will see a penny off it so how's that fair. Just having a rant let me know what you think 

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Posted : 12th July 2020 9:13 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi kev once again I've left a post for you on my thread lol

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Posted : 13th July 2020 11:25 am
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