That hour that's broken my family

Hiya nice to hear from you 

Yeah partner still upstairs as I spent the night on the sofa. Well I hope your husband has had a good think when he was away as you deserve to be treated right and not put down. After all you've done really well not to gamble and sometimes It takes people that little bit longer to realise. I don't know how my partner will be today but I just can't be bothered I've done and are doing everything in my power to beat this addiction the extra hassle just doesn't help. As you know I hope the mood stays high for you 

Hi @Kevthekev40 I felt like this yesterday, my husband was on one and I was thinking to myself ‘I’m doing everything I can to prove that I will change’ but what’s the point of doing it if the relationship stays the same as it always has been? We’ve spoken about it and decided we are in this together and have too much to lose but maybe your partner is not showing you how much this has effected her and her taking herself off to bed is like recharging herself? Have you thought about relate? Maybe she could do with some kind of counselling too? Just a thought! Hope your doing better today 

Hiya jadie 

I totally get you I've arranged for her to talk to a councillor and to be involved with my nhs gambling harm service, but it's always no! I know it's all down to me and I've put her through this and hate myself for that. But what else can I do? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I'm utterly disgusted in myself but I've reached out and got so many people working with me at the minute. I really don't know what else to say or do I can't change the past can only move forward plus I shouldn't have to feel like this everyday. We all make mistakes in life but when is enough enough I don't know what to do 

Aww kev sorry about the dog I totally understand love my dogs. Did the dog pass before your relapse just wondering if sadness at that time contributed. We have 2 German sheps  but lost 2 over the years. The 2nd one koko  died 2years ago and it definitely affected me badly 

I couldn't believe 

How I felt as never lost a dog before, we got the vet out to put her to sleep, but just before the vet came she started having fits and we lost her but we got her back and the vet sedated her and left us for half hour with the dog it was horrible I've lost people and it's not effected me like when meisha went, that may seem weird but it's honestly how I felt. 

I completely understand kev I think dogs are such wonderful creatures if your mind to them they show you unconditional love. They don't care if you've gained weight ,got sspots , haven't put make up on they just love you warts and all

You got it Charlieboy 

I would never have another dog asvit effected me that much. They're with you all the time and as you say they won't fall out with you if you gamble ect. They're so loyal I miss taking to her lol. Just someone who doesn't judge you

Hey kev how are you doing today ?

One of those days Charlieboy that 

My skins not that slippy the insults are getting under my skin. To be honest I've had it up To here and I really think its time for me to be moving on. I've had my share off addiction going through my life but I've also had so much far to much trauma from a young age. Step dad abused me when I was 8yrs old I got a job on the ice cream van just so I didn't have to see his evil face and it limited the time that he could set about me. At the end from the age off 10yrs I started work when school finished and that would be me until 12am. At the weekend's I would start at 10am and Finnish at 12am. Never let my boss down once as he owned about 50 ice cream vans.It was my safe haven.  I know I've not been a great dad Charlieboy as I had kid's before I worked through my problems. But my kids love me and I've never laid a finger on any off them even my boy whose 15yrs with severe adhd and boy does he attack you, with anything from an iron to van axe. But for her to say I've been a terrible day to these 2 miracles how dare she insult my intelligence. I'll put up with so much but I've limited those kids to what they've seen they've been sheltered as much as possible. I'm just so angry as if I went and said to the kids I was leaving now, 100%!they would want to be with me. I'm just so angry at the moment I'm glad I'm not a violent man, and don't worry I would never go there rant over need to calm

Not working out for you kev at the moment is it . Before all this did you have a good relationship ?

Just to let everyone know that I have it on good authority that the one show tonight is about gambling 

The one show tonight as it's about gambling I have it on good authority 

How's u kev ??

Hiya Charlieboy 

I'm not bad thanks you know what it's like you've just got to take one day at a time, but we'll all get there in time. You'll be the same sometimes your okay then others your just low letting things get too you. But I'm ok thanks Charlieboy how are you? Watch the one show tonight I have it on good authority it's about gambling 

Kev,

your posts continue to stay relevant to me. Like you I was abused as a kid and although most people think I am a nice quiet adult who is nearly 50 now, I still struggle with my inner anger although again like you I am not a violent person.

I do wonder occasionally if my addictive behaviour has anything to do with my childhood experiences or whether I just use those experiences as excuses. Probably a bit of both. I feel if or when I can control my inner anger, I become a better person and am less likely to be out of control and do something stupid like chase losses gambling.

All I can say seeing your recent posts is that it’s a huge challenge to control that inner anger, it’s like just one more thing to try and control along with everything else that is going on. For what it’s worth I think you’re doing a fantastic job attempting your personal recovery and I note the amount of encouraging posts you put out there for new members. Please keep up the good work because you may not know it but you’re inspiring a lot of people on here.