That hour that's broken my family

Dear @kevthekev40

I am sorry to read that you are going though such a difficult time.

Please remember that our advisors are always here to talk, either on the netline or by calling us our helpline 0808 8020 133.

If you ever feel that you need to talk or want any advice or support I would encourage you to get in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards

Jo

Forum Admin

Hi @kekthekev40. I hope you don't think I'm not replying to your v kind and encouraging messages. I've been getting a bit confused and replying on my diary. Your messages mean all the more because you are encouraging others while you feel like your life is going down the plughole. That is v brave of you and shows that you are still fighting this. Pls carry on fighting don't give up 

Posted by: Charlieboy

Hi @kekthekev40. I hope you don't think I'm not replying to your v kind and encouraging messages. I've been getting a bit confused and replying on my diary. Your messages mean all the more because you are encouraging others while you feel like your life is going down the plughole. That is v brave of you and shows that you are still fighting this. Pls carry on fighting don't give up 

Hi mate. I haven’t posted here in a long time but reading your story I just needed to log in and echo the above. To see you posting positivity on others pages while going through this is massive. 

I know you are a long way off, and it will be the toughest road of all, but you can improve this situation. Hopefully this experience can be a turning point for you. 

I joined this site in despair 284 days ago and haven’t gambled since. You can do it mate. Prove to your mrs/children/YOURSELF that you are worth far more than this. 

Put blocks in place and work at it day by day. Keep reminding yourself of the horrors of this month when we get 6 months down the line and you think you’re ‘past it’. Keep posting updates on here - would be amazing to hear of continued recovery. 

All the best

Hi kev my daughter was similar age to your son when the last episode was confessed. She took it very personally. It will take time but remember that children whatever age see the parent as safety and security. That has been shattered and their reaction is due to fear. Unfortunately you're going to have to take it on the chin. 

I'm sceptical of PayPal , I've had poor experience with them and would never use them. I would talk to stepchange and ask for help and advice.

from years of anger and rage I found that getting help for myself helped me enormously. Your partner needs to find some support and advice for herself however embarrassed or ashamed or angry she is.

Thanks for all the kind words 

Things have been hard lately but what do I expect it's not going to be a walk in the park. Well all it's one day at a time and I'm still in the family home, I'm not saying it's easy as it's far from it, but I've got alot of help in place some days it feels like to much but better more than less. I feel better than I did at the start and always try to comment on someone's page each day as we're all in the same boat fighting that same big ocean plus each day is a day away from gambling. But what gets me most as how much people on this site will take time out there day just to give you some advice or just a few kind words that makes the difference for me! Thanks all and I mean that and keep gamble free 

Hi kev . Keep your chin up never stop fighting m8 . Everyone on here wants the best for you and your family

Well done goforaturkish

Your doing amazing my friend your my inspiration,  you just sound like you've got it a and this time is special, sorry I'm only get back to you as I can't sleep as I've just had one off my nightmares as I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and when these nightmares come I feel like I'm a little boy so scared I awake as if I was actually back there again so that's me up for the night as can't get back to sleep. So I just happened to read your message again but took the enormity off it in if that makes any sense. At my end it's still raw so there's a lot off anger and embarrassment. Don't know if I said on this post but things are that bad I had to go to a church and get 2 food parcels, I was stood there thinking what a fraud flinging all his money away when we've got nothing well that's how I felt. It's the first time I've ever been in a place like that, when I go shopping I always put something in the basket but it was like a convare belt, they we're all go asking if I wanted a brew! Boy no I just wanted to get out of there as I don't talk to people on a normal never mind what I was going through. They even asked if I needed any gas and electricity but I assured them I was o.k. as direct debit, then I thought I hope the bank honours all the dd well my partner would've sorted that end out with the bank as with all the help I've been given it don't leave much time and that's a good thing at the minute. Well my friend sorry for going on but I just wanted to say thanks and well done gfgfgfgfgf

Hiya everyone 

Hope your all well and a sleep. I wish I was myself but as I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder a lot off the night's I have nightmares. 20yrs I've had these you think I would be used to them by now. But no everyone the exact same as THE last and me getting all heat up like a big kid. I've done all over the years from drinking a litre off vodka just to keep me to sleep so what does that cause yes I'm a recovering alcoholic for the past 5yrs now I've not touched a drop I was using it as a crutch. Well my friend due to my meds and other things have got me past the drink. I really luck as I've got a doctor who sees me ever week, well at the moment it's over the phone as I'm not too sure about zoom but I've put it off for so long that I've got a zoom appointment with someone whose coordinated everything for me as I've got that much going on my head would burst. So I will let you all know how that goes plus I've got something in the pipe line that could sort out the remaining debt I ran up on that horrible night. So just one day at a time that's all any off us can do plus if I get the debt sorted my partner will be debt free therefore we  can talk and it may be time for me to go plus I would be leaving her with No7 debt. I know she's scared of me leaving her to pay it off that would never happen. Well you lot keeping me up lol, keep going stay gamble free and most of all stay in touch 

Thanks for those words merry go round 

They helped me see things for my son in a total different way and we had a talk, he knows more now and so do I as he's annoyed at me but not for what I thought but I don't know if you've read it but I did a stupid things and attempted suicide. Luckily it never worked but he thinks what if I do not again, so I've got him on one off my zoom sessions and we will talk about how that won't happen again,  so thanks again for your words and sorry it's took as long many wise days ahead of YOU my friend 

How are you doing kev? I see you posting support for everyone does it help support you as well? Take heart from the fact that you are helping people that's a really good positive thing. Stay strong and sending you best wishes

Thanks Charlieboy

For your kind words I always try and post on atleast one post a day and if I can put someone off doing what I did then it's a positive. Each day I pass is a day away from that evil addiction I really hate how you can lose so much money in such a short space of time! I hate that some payment methods you use actually runs you into thousands of pounds worth of credit but wouldn't give you the credit if you applied. Just seems wrong 

Hi kev really hope you are doing better. I agree with you it's all messed up, but as you say for us it's day by day and avoid the big holes in the road. Yes take solace from trying to help people it is a good positive thing

Hiya Charlieboy 

It's nice to hear from you I hope your journey is heading in the right direction as we all know how hard this journey is when your an addict as I've said before we have to be strong 365 days off the year the gambling only has to be lucky that onetime. But we're strong and day by day we will get there by supporting each other and remembering the past. I'm getting there Charlieboy how are you 

Yes I'm starting to feel less vulnerable now but in no way am I feeling I've got this beat yet . Chris gave me the advice to take it one day at a time, that's what I'm doing. I'm thankful for each day I've not given into temptation and I am feeling some grit and determination kicking in. I'm taking stock of everything I'm reading on here the successes and the relapses and coming to terms with it having to be a lifelong thing. Installing gamstop has been the gamechanger  for me giving me the space I need. I'm sending you positive thoughts !

Well done 

You sound good and positive and there 2 good ways to look at things I never want to gamble again but I've said that so many times before so things are in place and if for some reason I relapsed the destruction is contained therefore not putting my family in the position I have. To be honest some days my partner just won't look at me as she's discussed in me and who can blame her then other days we will talk it's just so hard when the money situation is hanging overyou all the time. But I've not gambled I've got brilliant help in place and I have people like you I can talk to makes such a difference. Keep smiling