Well I don't know how it happened but on the 24th of April as my partner and kids sat in the garden having some Sun, well I thought I will just check my emails to see if Hermes had got back as they had lost my parcel. Well what caught my eye? Yes that's the one the one I had stayed away from for about 8 months it drew me in like a magnet. It was B*****d saying stake £5 and get it back on the roulette machine. Well my partner had left her PayPal open on it as they had a bet on the virtual grand national. I went for it put £10 on she won't notice as it hadn't even been mentioned in so many months, Well cut along story short, 1hr had passed and to my total disbelief I'd lost £7300 and I couldn't believe it! It wasn't even my money we didn't even have that sort off cash I've got post traumatic stress disorder causing me to be on long-term sick, my partner had to pack her job as a carer too look after our son who has severe adhd. Where had all this money come from how am I going to pay it back? Well my partner had came in and went mental as she had looked at her bank application and it had took £1100 from the bank and overdraft, I had my 15yrs old son going mad at me calling me a thief a fat b a total waste off time. Oh my God what had I done how could I sort this. I was on the couch God what was my daughter going to say. ...... my life was over, well I sat down and thought I'm no good they don't deserve a waster like me for God sake how many times had I done this but never to this extent.
I tried to kill myself which would not have helped, I'm accepting what I've done and talking to the people who can keep me safe. Well after 5 days in hospital my daughter wanted me home not my partner so I 've had help from an NHS addiction nurse and Gamcare as well as justice for punters and I'm taken 1hr at a time and I hope I will get past this and have my family by my side. All I can say is the more help the better
That’s some story mate and I feel for you as I know exactly what it feels like to P**s away large sums of money gambling and only waking up from the “gambling fugue” at the end and looking at the damage.
You screwed up like we all have. There are worse things you could have done. You have an illness and the only way to get over this in my opinion is to stop gambling. Stop feeding the greedy bookies - we cannot win. The odds are against us and even though we may get a win here and there, long term we will be certain losers.
Try find another hobby. You like risk taking and need to find that buzz. I find doing regular exercise clears my head. A contact sport helps get the anger out or simply bash a punchbag.
I’ve printed out my current bank statement with huge gambling outgoings on it and will look at it every time I feel the urge to deposit. Thinking what you can do with that extra money mate.
I know your right the thing that gets me is I didn't even need or want money I had everything I want in life I haven't drank for 5yrs I'm not rich I'm far from it but I'm rich in love even sat here with not a penny my kids love me and I'm so close to my daughter, I used to go to the gym 6 days a week but I've been house bound for the last year due to my post traumatic stress disorder and gained 7 stone in about 8 month. I leave the house once a week to go see my doctor. To some people that must sound like hell but to me it's life and it's my life, I won't lie I'm not sleeping having flash backs to the worst time off my life, I hate what I have done to my family and they don't deserve that.
It is a sad story but. It is also a call for knowledge. We get into these deep states of learning where everything else is completely uninteresting till you drift back into reality again. A metaphor story I can tell was about this guy who got 5 correct nr on the national lottery and he got himself into a frenzy of excitement but a huge amount of people had won the same prize and he ended up getting 12 quid. What happened? Why did he get so excited about something that had not happened yet? It is because you shape your experiences to your reality even if that reality is not there. It also has to do with the release of dopamine in your mind but see where I am going with this. We create this fantasy bubble where we think everything good will happen and we lock our brains into trying to force that outcome till we get kicked in the a**e either by our money running out or reality making itself known in another way. If you can get your mind around that then you can also get better from it. First part is to accept that your reality may need to be reshaped some. Secondly that you can only do that if you stay as healthy as you can and stop the self-harm. Reach out. Seek help and talk. That will get you down the road to a recovery you want to have.
Thanks for that message you make alot of sense! My mind like all is a strange and complicated place. Say I saw you in the street, now I know your a wise and insightful person. I could never speak to you as we all have flight and fight conditioned into us I know at one stage I was programmed too fight but for along time now it's been set at flight now until I can get my mind to switch between the 2 I can't progress and that's why I'm trapped in my house as I feel safe
We shape our reality constantly and we are in different loops of trance all the time some are good and some are destructive but they can be changed with the right tools. Keep searching for the right psychiatrist or hypnotist they are out there and you know when you have found one when your results start to change for the better. Until then you stay strong for your kids and you keep on searching because you owe that to them.
All the best
Thanks for that
I owe them the world and they deserve me to be a better person than what I've been, yesterday I can't change with all the words or money in the world but tomorrow can only be a better day. I guess if I could just have a good sleep then things should look more manageable as the head just can't see away through this just now but things are in place with the people I'm working with so if I can just keep going until I find that way out that fits for me then I'll be in a better place and a better person that my kids can be proud off. Thanks for your words they all help in this journey I'm on
Good, I am pleased to hear it. My therapist told me the following once. Let us say you are in a kayak on a lake you get caught in the morning fog and it is thick so you can see. You don't need to padel on as you won't know where to go. The best thing to do is to give the fog some time to disperse so you get your direction so you can continue your journey.
There are some good clips on sleep and relaxing exercises on youtube that can be used. Use them if they help you.
Stay strong & don´t give up!
And one other thing. Stop imagining that you cant and start imagining that you can.
You will find new realities you wouldn't expect that will work in your favour.
It is difficult to reframe beliefs but you can prep your mind to look at things differently and that brings change that you can use.
I think one off my downsides is I look at the worst that way anything better is a plus, but I know that the fog won't go away straight away and I'm still in the beginning off my journey as it wasn't that long ago plus I've got alot of new contacts who's started to work with me so hopefully one of them is the one for me as I'm a great believer in it's got to be the right person who you just click with. I've had so many people work with me over the years and I think about 3 off them had a style off therapy that actually went in and helped me through the fog. Things are just more difficult at the moment as everything is been done through phone calls due to what we're all going through but that won't last forever. As before thanks for the words and time you've given me....... you take care
As of today I am one year free of gambling. I was an addict for twenty-five years and in that time I did so much damage I know that it will take me many years to sort myself out. I am still at the start of a very long journey.
I have been in rehab for eleven months - mostly due to the lockdown - and it has done nothing to change my attitude towards gambling. Nothing. I still thinking about gambling and I still want to do it. That will never change. However, I know that I will never gamble again because I have taken my addiction as far as it will go. I have realized that if I can overcome my mental health issues my addiction will never again be a problem.
This time last year I was utterly lost and on the brink of suicide. Rehab stopped me from doing that.
Prior to rehab I was a virtual recluse. I suffer with horrific anxiety and depression and my mental health issues have made me a very negative person.
Although I am waffling on I would say that you need to seek professional help until you find what works for you. You need to fully address your mental health problems regardless of how tough it is. It is highly likely that until you do you will continue to gamble. Take the first step and slowly but surely things will improve for you.
I know that I will need therapy and hypnotherapy. I will also need to exercise on a regular basis. I buried my issues for years because I could not face them. This caused my addiction to flourish.
Keep your chin up and don't think that there is nowhere for you to turn. There is plenty of assistance out there so long as you ask.
What sence you talk and you may think about it but that's life it's the actions that cause our problems. I've had a terrible day today, when I gambled It was through PayPal and it emptied my partners bank and her overdraft still leaving nearly a £4000 negative ballance on PayPal, but I emailed them explaining that if they could put this on hold just to give me time to sort the bank out then we could come to an arrangement about the PayPal ballance. They said that was o.k.. so we got the bank overdraft down to 200 leaving us with enough to sort out direct debit and Bill's aswell as food shopping ect. Well my partner tried to buy some food today and her card got declined well she came home and went on the bank application just to show that PayPal had took £4000 out off the account! She went mad at me as you can guess it was like It had all just happened today. Got nowhere with the bank or PayPal so spent a day getting nowhere! So my mental health worker had gave me a phone number for a church that could maybe help me. Well I'm not a church sort off person but boy did he get me. Tomorrow he's dropping me some shopping off I feel like a charity case but what else can I do, swallow my pride and except some kindness. So many strangers so much help
Yesterday I was moving out of the house and going to get somewhere for myself as feel like I'm the loose link in the chain my partners going mad lately even worse than how she was when she found out , I've got a 15yrs old son who keeps going through me like a dose off salt as I'm the worst parent in the world. God I know he's right but I also see that he's only a boy who can't understand how I could lose what I have and why. Plus I've left the people I'm ment to love with nothing and when I say nothing I mean that and every time money enters my partners bank account a certain company sweep in and take out what they can up to the maximum of the overdraft, so my friends it's another day today and hopefully things will go better as at the moment I can't see away how anything can get any worse. Hope you all have a gamble free day and any advice on anything I've stated would be much appreciated