Back again, been here before many times on and off. Tried to quit, didn’t take the right steps.
after a significant loss last weekend after months of ‘gambling in a controlled way’ which we know never works I have finally taken some proper steps. Installed gamstop and self excluded from all sites, opened up to my wife although still not comfortable to tell her the full extent of my years of damage. Had a call with gamcare for an hour this week too. I’m determined to do this, even given how hard I’m finding lockdown aside from gambling.
I’ve done 7 days gamble free. If I’m actually being honest with myself, I think this may be the longest period in 5 years. So I’m taking small steps and my next goal is 30 days
I really missed gambling today, no football bets and felt some boredom but I got through it. I’ve felt down most of the week which I guess is normal.
I cannot live the chaotic life I’ve led for years any longer, my children need me and money gives them freedom that’s what’s keeping me going.
Would appreciate any support as I don’t have many ppl to talk to and today has been tough but I’m giving myself some credit but can’t get complacent.
@hiddenaddict I was just reading your post from October, I don't know if you've read it recently?
I was going to apologise in advance in case what I write comes across wrongly, but then I thought no, every thing I write is written with the best intention so I'll just be me.
Why do you feel you can't tell your wife everything? Are you scared? If you are I understand because it's a scary thing to do, but it's also liberating for you.
I've been in the hole you are currently in and I can show you the way out. Are you ready to do whatever it takes to help yourself before it's too late?
Chris.
Yes I am scared and why should she have that burden when we have enough stress on a plate, it’s a personal decision.
I appreciate your comment but did you read? I am ready to do what it takes and that’s why I’m here, that’s why I’ve put gamstop in place finally after being too scared to do so, that’s why I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to an advisor this week. Your comment makes me feel that you don’t believe me? Or that these things are not enough for you? Do tell
Im in a similer situation, i cant tell my family how much ive lost yesterday, it was everything, i now am bot answerjng there calls and am depressed, its guilt, regret, feeling of shame and so on that i cant face them, they need my help from time to time and i have nothing to offer them, i gambled and lost alot of money in the space of an hout that would take a lifetime to get back, if i ever even do, it is also having a big impact on my health aswell as i littrally feelcsick to eat properly and started smoking heavily and dobt want to wake up in the mornings until i cant sleep no more, it should pass soon abd i can pick myself up again but i feel like what has happend will aways be with me, i wont be gambling again, its pointless as the kind of money i lost will be like winning the the lottery with the money i now have to play with and i cant affort to loose that money, i lost lost control chasing and lost my life savings, the company offered me a £25 bonus after asking if they could offer me anything for loosing thousands, what a joke, i wantef my money back but that isnt going to happen or atleast quarter of what i lost to atleast give me a chance to win it back but it is what it is and was an expensive mistake, it cost lives, im at the very bottom i hope i can move forward and regain my life to how it was before this in the future and never make the same mistake again, i worry alot when my family are not alive anymore and i let this loss get in the way of that, i curled up in a ball last night and cried. Take care guys dont cross the line with it whatever you do.
Hi mike101, have you got your own diary thread? So we can reply to you. If you are at the bottom there is a way out let us all help
Mike I know the feeling of being lost, feeling a failure yet having so much expectation on our shoulders and still we follow this awful addiction. We can’t live in regret and only look to the future. I’m trying to look forward and not backwards, it’s so difficult to accept our losses and actions.
we can make a fresh start.
‘wipe the slate clean, draw a line under it and start afresh’ that’s what we have to do. I dread to think of ‘the number’ I have lost which I could have put to such good use. I’ve never felt so low, like life doesn’t matter but we have to carry on. This addiction had already ruined a large part of my life and I refuse to let it anymore, neither should you.
@hiddenaddict I believe you. I just want to be straight with you and talk to you like a compulsive gambler in recovery to compulsive gambler. I'd rather you didn't lose everything so I'm just trying to help you while you're in the right frame of mind.
You sound serious like you did in October, but I know what the addiction is like, how hard it is. I'm sorry and I promise were the two most used words I used when gambling. I meant them right the way up till the addiction took over again.
Good step on the Gamstop. Good step with the conversation with the gamcare advisor.
Can you put a ban on your card too via your bank?
Are you going to give over your access to money for a while to help with the temptation?
Are you going to try the GA route, although I appreciate in this current time it's not easy.
What does your wife think now you've told her? She been living with this for a long time too so obviously it's affected her.
Chris.
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