Sweden calling

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(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Dear everyone in this forum. I am new here but have been reading a lot of your posts the last weeks. I have not yet found any forum with so much gathered knowledge and support in Sweden so I hope I am welcome here. 

I am 48 years old, mother of two teenagers and I have been a compulsive gambler for 11 years. Though remaining gambling free for years, months or weeks I have a tendency to relapse. This time it will be different. It has to be different. I must do things differently. Some of the people around me know about my addiction but not everyone. I will keep it this way for now. 

I live with a partner. He is not the father of my children. He also happens to be a gambling addict and we have been fuelling our addiction together through four years. 

In February 2019 my father passed away leaving a quite substantial inheritance. I have now lost 90% of that money as well as a lot of my monthly salaries. I have no debts, except for the house loan and still some savings left but the lost money of course is a huge grief for me. Not only because it was safety and money in the bank, but because it was my parents life savings. They did not have much but they saved whatever they could. And I just lost almost everything. 

However. I reached a point where I just woke up one evening. Looking at what I had done and realised that my bets increase in the most horrific way, my losses mount up so quickly, the speed of my deposits is crazy, that money totally lost its value and that I have to make a decision to quit. 

So here I am now. Reading books and forums, writing in my journal, about to attend my first GA meeting in years tomorrow and deciding that my gambling has come to an end. Me and my partner have decided to move apart in order for us to try to heal ourselves. We have realised that living together does not change anything. 

I know a lot about what has to be done. I have worked the 12 steps in GA (but of course will have to start all over again). My challenge is to remain in focus, to not put my guard down, not believing I can do this without effort and always remember that I am helpless and that I have lost control. That is the hardest part and that is why I really need to be part of a community of people who can inspire, remind and be role models. 

I am so impressed with this forum. As said, I hope a lost addict from Sweden is welcome to join. I am today 17 days gambling free. And today I can say that I will not gamble tomorrow.

Lisa ❤️

 

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 8:22 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)
Posts: 607
 

Welcome!

I think everyone is welcome here. There are also a few GA members here that can give you some good advice when you need it. There are some very good sourses for help to be had in Sweden as well depending on where you are in the country. Let me know if you want some help with that.

Best
C

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:02 pm
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Thank you so much!

It is very interesting to compare possibilities to prevent gambling in Sweden and UK. The thing I think really should be done is to give Swedish banks possibility to block gambling transactions. I don’t think any of our banks offer this as of today. I really think that is a fantastic idea. 

We have a kind of game blocking tool in Sweden as well. However the maximum time is 12 months. The problem is that there are a zillion casinos operating without license and this blocking tool can not prevent gambling in these casinos. 

We have support groups as well, but no online forum with this kind of activity. I really wish there was one community like this one!

So yes. There are definitely a lot of tools to be used in Sweden as well. I plan to attend meeting at another support group as well. I live about 110 kilometres from Stockholm and that is where i used to go for meetings. 

If you have any additional sources that would be most welcome! It sure is easy to feel lonely fighting this addiction. 

I hope you are doing fine this evening 

Take care

Lisa

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:23 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5944
Admin
 

Dear @lisa72,

you are most certainly welcome, our Forum and communal Chatrooms are accessible world-wide. 

You might also want to have a look at https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/ as well, they offer support to people across the globe.

And in terms of blocking, please have a look at the various types of blocking software mentioned here:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/

Please keep sharing and posting on how you are getting on. And if you feel you need further support for your mental and emotional wellbeing please also contact your local GP (general doctor).

Wishing you all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:34 pm
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Thank you Klamm! Will do - and you too! Hope Somerset is lovely this evening ?

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:36 pm
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Thank you Eva. 

This sure is an amazing forum with quick responses, supportive members and an active, caring forum admin as well. 

Thank you for the warm welcome and for being here ❤️

 

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:40 pm
(@soysauce147)
Posts: 145
 

Hi Lisa,

 

I am no expert, however, I do have a few valuable suggestions:

1. Buy yourself  a copy of Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters £6.99 from a good book store. It explains a bit more about yourself,  the monkey self and the computer. You will understand your money self a bit better. The urge to gamble is your monkey self, not you.

2. Sign up with all casinos on websites and barred yourself for maximum amount of time. Also sign up with Gamstop etc.

3. Finding a replacement for your gambling, such as short walks, visit library, bike riding, reading etc anything that is counter productive and stuff that interests you.

4. If possible, sign up with fintech that bars gambling transactions, try Starling. Additionally, have a goal pot that pays yourself £1 daily so not gambling. This is used as a visual motivation.

5. Albert Einstein once quoted: if you do something over and over, you'll  get the same result.

6. Forgiveness- learn to live with it...

I hope this helps as well as GA 12 steps.

Good luck with it all.

Regards 

Xoi

 

 

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 10:52 pm
(@bladesman)
Posts: 328
 

Hi and welcome, you are right there are many good people on here willing to help you along the way.

A thought about your bank not having blocking on debit card, could you change your bank to say HSBC or Santander, I'm sure they are worldwide and certainly in the UK enable gambling transactions to be blocked so don't see why they would in Sweden

All the best

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 11:00 pm
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Hi Soysauce147,

I like your advices ? I am already blocked from Swedish licensed casinos but have full access to the rest of the casinos with European licenses. I have manually blocked a few of those but many remain ?

Einstein is a clever guy. I love that quote and it sure is relevant for several aspects of life. Thanks for reminding me of it! 

The book seems interesting. I like the idea of looking at my addiction as a monkey - i.e a part of me that I actually can get rid of. Will try to find it online to order. 

I try to accomplish one physical activity every day, a walk or slow pace jogging and I also intend to go back to knitting again. That is quite therapeutic! I will see  if I can find more stuff to keep me busy. 

Bankwise I will look into the possibilities in Sweden. 

Again, thanks for hands on suggestions on how to beat this addiction ?

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 11:47 pm
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Bladesman,

Checked the internet and seems as if both banks are available in Sweden. Very interesting and I will look into it first thing Monday! 

Thanks ? 

 
Posted : 2nd January 2021 11:49 pm
MD
 MD
(@x-m)
Posts: 179
 

I feel for you. I did the same when my father passed away. Lost all the money that was left to me. I wanted to die. 

It's shameful and it's horrific but you have to remember that it is an illness. We are all here to support you. 

 
Posted : 3rd January 2021 2:55 am
(@lisa72)
Posts: 10
Topic starter
 

Dear X M, 

You are right. I also know that it was the illness that made me do it. I am really scared though, how fast my addiction escalated when I had a lot of money in my bank account. 

The best thing we can do now, to cherish the memory of our fathers must be to quit gambling. I know my father would tell me that if I succeed it was worth it. In the long run I know this could end up even worse. It seems it always can. 

Thank you so much for support and reminding me that I suffer from an illness and that I did not lose the inheritance because I am a bad person. And don’t forget to be understanding towards yourself as well! 

Lisa

 
Posted : 3rd January 2021 9:31 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)
Posts: 887
 

@soysauce147 Can I ask your background for all the advice you seem to be offering and how has it worked for you?

Chris.

 
Posted : 3rd January 2021 9:56 am
(@soysauce147)
Posts: 145
 

Hi Chris,

It has taken a long time to reach this point. I am doing fine.

You make it sounds as if I was in a police's cell- no comment on that. 

I am a regular guy on your high street and not a qualified nurse or doctor or God for that matter. However, was suck into a world of gambling like the rest of the population. It is in your discretion to act upon the advised given. 

Anything else?

 

Xoi

 
Posted : 3rd January 2021 10:29 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)
Posts: 887
 

@soysauce147 I just wondered where your advice came from? I'm a big believer in lived experience and wondered if you had followed your own advice, especially working the GA 12 steps, and how long it was since you placed a bet? I had a post here a little while ago asking others to say how they managed to stop and for how long had they stopped, in the hope that others might read it and think "I want a piece of that" and you might have been able to add to that.

Thanks

Chris.

 
Posted : 3rd January 2021 11:13 am
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