Such a relief

Hi everyone,

I'll try not to write a long story but apologise if it is long.

I'm Shaun, im 38 and i've finally broke the chains that feel like they have been wrapped around me on a slow sinking boat for the past god knows how many years.

My addiction, illness, disease whatever term you like to use, i have no idea when it actually started. All i can remember is i use to enjoy weekend horses and football bets at high street shops and i guess it all grew from that into online gambling and casino's. As the weeks and months and eventually years passed, pound bets turned in to multiple pound bets into hundreds and thousands. 

Without realising the anchor of my sinking ship was firmly wrapped around my legs. I'd have a bad month or few months and get a small loan to pay off another loan and leave a bit left over to win some money back to pay another off.

Of many months through the years of ups and mainly downs i finally hit rock bottom at the realisation i had nearly £40,000 of gambling debts on me. How i managed to keep this from my wife i don't know. 

Monday morning 10th May i finally broke down and told my wife everything and i mean everything, i just cried my eyes out for hours and just could stop talking about it. This relief and release of pressure i felt was amazing, it was the best i'd mentally felt for a long time, since i can remember.

My wife my god, i'm so lucky i have her. How she as supported me and helping me is beyond what i imagined. I honestly expected her to leave me.

All i feel now is the the disgust i have for myself and how much pain and trouble i have caused for my wife and family. Everytime i think about betting now it makes me feel sick at what it can do to not just yourself but the ones you love too. 

I'm finding things to do around the house and garden and been more proactive. 

That day we just talked and talked and i signed up with gamcare, gamban and installed and blocked everything.

Anyhow i won't write much more. What i want to say is if anyone else is in the same position, Talk, it's the first bit medicine to the cure. I'll be honest, since i spoke to my wife about this these first few days haven't passed where i haven't cried, the relief on your emotions is immense.

All that matters to me now is rebuilding my life and mine and my wife, happiness, health and wellbeing. Everything else is materialistic.

Take care everyone.

Shaun