Appreciate the positive vibes Adam
Just a reminder of the forum guidelines for all:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/group-chatroom/chatroom-and-forum-etiquette/#.VGOJC19FC71
Take care,
Adam.
Yes it's a hard post and some may say harsh but I'm sure overall he means well
we don't always write things the best way and I'm really sure he didn't mean to upset you the way it has. It's something you talk through with him and this subject will cause friction as some people are very matter of fact about something we fear and respect.
It's an addiction that ruins people to put it mildly and you will get different reactions. As I said you are bigger than getting the hump
This rings bells as it took me 10 months after joining the forum to do something positive about it. I got angry with someone who said I was playing at recovery.......they were right and I realise now how much that shook me up for the better with hindsight.....yes they could have worded it better and gently but what that person said wasn't wrong......
I was telling people what they wanted to hear and lapping up the "take care Huns"
I'm not saying anything about you but we've seen a lot of posts and you have to accept we may go overboard with stuff you don't want to hear
You will get a lot of talk you don't want to hear from family and loved ones.....it's about coming back to reality and overcoming an addiction.
We are all sorry you feel offended but you are bigger than this and could find common ground with max by talking it through further and countering his points
Nobody is saying you are silly or totally complacent...being offended will only help the addiction think what do they know....everyone is trying to help in their own way I deleted all my posts when I got churlish and angry but the truth is I couldn't handle it then on anything but my own terms
All the best
Well done on getting to 9 days gf.
I can’t even get to 2/3 at the moment. Seems like some people forget how hard it is at the start and telling you it gets worst after a month, well they can do one. Day by day rebuild your confidence in yourself and keep going. I’m starting again today and have set it been the end of another calendar year and lost time and money to beat this addiction.
All the best,
Robbie
c17ort - i am perpelex as to why you have posted if you didn't want a response?
Or is it that you only wanted responses you / the addiction wanted to hear ?
In which case ..... yes no problem being nearly 40 and blowing 130K isn't an issue at all you have all the time in the world the brain doesn't get harder to rewire as you get older and you will be able to make plenty more mistakes its all good
Sometimes i feel that is literally all people come here for but its all so empty and useless
If you want an example of what a lifetime of gambling will do to a man in his 50's watch Paul Merson's documentary about it
Perhaps then you may start to understand why time is definitely not on your side when it comes to battling an addiction like this
Personally I came on here at rock bottom and I wanted to be helped and sometimes that meant " harsh words" . It has to be a mix of negative and positive words to get through to someone. The saying ... nothing changes if nothing changes is a good one. I'm not saying that some words didn't sting of course they did....but I came here because I wanted to change and I often beared my soul . I wanted people to tell me what they thought, tell me what worked for them and also what didnt. What people get annoyed about is when people ask for help but then are not willing to take advice onboard, and then come back in a few months and say guess what I've lost another 10k. Believe it or not people do care, if you came back in a few months and said guess what I'm 3 months gamble free I've saved money, my mental health is improved, my family are happy you would get positive comments. Of course this forum is a safe place to come and say" I went 3 months without gambling and yesterday I slipped" I need help. But unfortunately if you keep coming back and then expecting the " there, there" approach people will get annoyed and there will be people who will be overly harsh. I've seen comments on this thread that would of hurt me ,but also those same comments once I'd licked my wounds would have made me think...what do I really want? I want to be gamble free....I am 547 days today!! There are no magic wands unfortunately , it's hard there are days when I still find it hard. The things that help me on those days are......all the things I was advised to do on here.....your most powerful tool is not having the means to gamble....I cannot gamble !! ,and on my bad days( which the longer I am gf are getting less and less) my fortress of blocks save me and then the demon goes away again. Do yourself a favour have a good long think....what do you want?and I agree you are still young. If your thoughts are you want to be gamble free....do yourself a favour make things easier for yourself why struggle ? There are tried and tested ways that help, really help, if you decide to carry on gambling it doesn't make you an evil person. But the reasons why I gave up are really simple. Compulsive gambling is incompatible with family life, incompatible with having money for the niceties in life, incompatible with your mental health. Take care and think carefully. You can do this but it needs a leap of faith
When I joined the forum I was venting in a soul searching way but I had little idea what it was all about. I knew I had a problem but just like I gave up on GA 10 years earlier I didn't know what I was really in for.
I brushed aside telling my family...sensible advice I thought but not for me....the truth is I would have been extremely uncomfortable with that and my addicted thinking dismissed it
I then told people it was working and I had been gamble free for a month. The truth was I had paid some bills and had little no money anyway.
Then I started relapsing more and more regularly while advising others on gambling which I am ashamed about now but I was ill which helps explain how confused addicted gamblers end up being
I was patting myself on the back for being two weeks free.....then six days and then two. The addiction had complete control while making me think I had some fight or some control......it's a nasty insidious brutal addiction the way it plays with minds and alters them.
Then someone caught me out and I got angry .....angry at the truth.
It made me retract and I spend hours deleting all my posts like I had been scorned and deeply hurt. It was the crazy behaviour of someone forced to see the truth but who couldn't handle it
It started a chain of events where something happened. After three days crying that Christmas....feeling skint lonely and sorry for myself...I woke up and it felt right to pick up the phone to my father and tell him everything.
It wasn't an easy conversation but compared to an addiction that was destroying me mentally and physically it was nothing in that sense.
So to cut a long story short I learnt during recovery and when I see people venting there feelings I do tend to go in harder now like Max.
It's a question of degree. What he says is not wrong but some people want more of the arm round the shoulder. It's hard to help addicts but I try.
They often don't want to hear about cold turkey and living on allowances because their addicted minds are telling them it's all easier than that...it's so complex that the addiction will bide it's time and create a split mind disorder represented for centuries by the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.
So I say to anyone....please don't be offended......the time for tougher talking and tough love sooner rather than later
A load of replies saying well done and take care mate will not challenge your thinking or give you the benefit of others experiences
As an addict the addicted part of your mind will be challenged...,it will be offended. It's how you get well again.
There will never be a day when I say yippee it's over.....BUT ....I turn that into positive statement to keep strong and avoid complacency.
Nobody is really rude on this forum or it would be moderated out. It's all a question of what people want to hear and if they are ready for it
I don't seek praise and I very rarely give it. I don't really write success stories but it's nice to see people gaining strength and knowledge People gain strength with the truth about this addiction ....the truth often hurts
Best wishes for a gamble free life to everyone
Max ...I wish you good luck in your recovery of also being a gambling addict.
I hope you practice what you preach & remain gamble free like me.
I would also like to add, you are no better than me as you are also an addict.
Please remember that.
Peace out Maximus
You must remember you are the one who has come to an open forum asking for help
You chose a topic title which was quite frankly ridiculous given the state you are in , but once again i am really not sure what it is you want to hear
I've given you feedback you clearly do not want so i will make this my last post
Good luck c17ort i am sure you will need it
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