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Still have time on my side

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c17ort
(@c17ort)

Good evening,

9 days GF today, I know it isn’t a lot but it’s the best I have done for the past year. 
After 7 terrible years of being an addict it’s time to nail this demon once & for all. 

It crazy to think that I can save every month for family holidays & for Christmas, yet I am absolutely wreckless with my money when gambling. Nearly 130k lost in 7 years, my mortgage could have been paid off with that, but instead I have added onto my mortgage & taken out massive loans. 
 
I am 40 next month & I have promised myself this is it, I am using my approaching 40th as a starting point to fighting this, I still have time on my side to put this right. Time to save & to respect the money I earn & use it towards my family & future. 
It’s time for change. I am ready to do this. 

Peace to all 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 30th November 2021 8:00 pm
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi c17,

If you're 40 next month you're right time is on your side. Please don't think I'm being disrespectful but I can't help feeling there's a lack of content in your post. Like you've lost over £130k in 7 years (averaging over £18k per annum right ? ). Can I ask what steps you've taken to avoid this happening again ?. Like self-exclusion, handing over finances to someone else or even blocking gambling transactions through your bank.

You  admit to being reckless with money & despite your own admission because you're fast approaching 40 everything's going to change now ?. Can I assume it's the euphoria of knowing you've taken all these steps that perhaps you forgot to mention them. Approaching your 40th birthday is no guarantee that you will change & suddenly find recovery, changing the same old cycles of your behaviour.

You say you could have paid your mortgage off but instead added to it & took out massive loans loans, yet in this born again moment as you approach your 40th birthday everything's going to change. Maybe you've taken all steps necessary that I've described, but if not I fear for you & your family.

Best Wishes

 

Al

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th November 2021 10:58 pm
Aston
(@aston)

Well done on taking the first steps and nice to read a new post with a lot of confidence. Helps around, use it as much as you need.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th November 2021 11:21 pm
Gerard G
(@gerard-g)

You have the right attitude and right plan. Best wishes. Here's a quote I like: "It's never too late, to do the right thing."

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 12:16 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi c17ort. 

Im glad you are here and hope you can tell us more about the blocks you have set up and if you have a monitoring group of people close to you

Much of recovery is acting on a real born again moment in which you speak to family/non gamblers and talk it all through. 

resetting the mind is gaining the clarity that we were ill with addiction. Ignoring all the odds I had a craving to chuck money away while the controlling part of my mind tried for its fix. 

Its a complex psychological addiction. There is no shame in coming to terms with words like mentally ill for that is what addiction brings on. Its an addiction which feeds off other ills like loneliness and depression.

if you are facing this without much close support you need to admit this and set up some GA meetings therapy or counselling. Seeing other people and being straight with them is priceless

If you think you can face this and just promise yourself its the end you have much to learn. Protect your money as you have cold turkey to do as your mind starts enlarging the chink of light.... the chink of reality

I promise you will get stronger if you follow the tried and trusted advice. You can never be complacent about this addiction again but if you are doing things right you will start to feel a sense of relief... calmness and even serenity

its not so much about counting the days but you do take this a day at a time to start with

If people help look after your money and you would not want to let them down its a very strong motivator

However I am PROUD to tell my loved ones years later that I am clean and be prepared for them to check that out. 

Im giving you food for thought and wish you all the best for a long recovery and gamble free life

This post was modified 2 months ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 1:27 am
c17ort
(@c17ort)

Personally I do not find your reply helpful & words of “ I fear for your family” are not positive. 
Recovery for each individual is different, there is no magic way of recovery. 
If you have nothing positive to say then please refrain from commenting. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 1st December 2021 7:21 am
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi c17,

Sorry that you didn't find my comments helpful. Good luck with your recovery.

Best Wishes

AL

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 7:32 am
maxmaher
(@maxmaher)

Unfortunately recovery is not all sunshine and rainbows  , you are in the very early honeymoon phase which lasts about 3-4 weeks after that the real tests will begin

Early finish from work one day ?

Car needs a repair ?

Wife doing your nut in ?

Kids doing your nut in ?

Debt repayments are relenting ?

Need some extra cash this month ?

You mention time is still on your side but quite frankly at 40 it's not , you are in last chance saloon it gets harder and harder to shake the addiction as you get older this is a well known fact due to the way the brain ages 

Gambling Addicts like using copes , methods by which they like to tell themselves nothing is as bad as it really seems 

I remember being in 12 thousand debt at 22 and telling myself its ok everyone's in debt ..... this was a cope manifested by the addiction 

Positivity is great but there's a fine line between being blindly optimistic and realistic 

You are going to need a lot more than 9 days under your belt to start singing from the rooftops trust me its  a mistake so many people make on this forum 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 9:40 am
c17ort
(@c17ort)

Again Max, I do not find your comments anyway positive. 
Time is very much on my side at 39. 
...But I will succeed in this & don’t require any negativity from yourself. 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 1st December 2021 1:30 pm
c17ort
(@c17ort)

I notice very much in here that there are people that are happy to offer support but also people that are the opposite. 
We all know it’s a massive difficult journey ahead, we are all on here as gambling addicts. I feel people are ready to preach & knock you back before anything else. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 1st December 2021 1:39 pm
maxmaher
(@maxmaher)

That is your prerogative nobody is preaching anything you are on a gambling recovery forum because you are a gambling addict an awful lot of people rock up on this forum after a binge to be told everything's going to be fine

as someone that has come to terms with the addiction and took nearly 10 years to do so i can assure you i know what i am telling you is right ,

i am not old and bitter i am 10 years younger than you

My point was exactly that though if you do not stop now you will be old and bitter time is not on your side you are in last chance saloon whether you want to accept it or not , 

Instead of saying "time is on my side" you need to be saying "time is definitely not on my side" and i need to absolutely make sure this never happens again.

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 2:05 pm
c17ort
(@c17ort)

Max, I have said it the way I want to say it, not by how you think I should say it. 

I have been a member of this forum for many years & tried very much so to quit before many times. ...
You are also on this Forum because you are a gambling addict so you are no better than me & certainly not in a position to tell me how I should do this & do that.

So please you carry on with your journey & I will carry on with mine. 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 1st December 2021 2:54 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Please dont take all the comments too personally c17. Reply make your feelings known and debate it.

People may seem sharp but they are not trying to be rude to you. If anything they care as they have replied.

Believe me you dont want a load of replies saying there there and take care..... its ultimately not what helps you think it through.

We are not trying to be rude or patronising. Its an addiction which alters minds. Its a split mind disorder that plays on the fact we are grown adults but have to come to terms with the addiction that controlled us.

you may think people have gone in hard on you and thats because they may be worried about you. Its about talking it through and you are bigger and stronger than getting hurt feelings about this

Telling my father that I put hundreds per session into machines was a humbling experience. I had to learn real humility in the search for the answers. I had to put aside all ideas about being a grown man and get some help

I had given my pride and self respect to the gambling dens decades ago and I slowly learnt to get it back

Yes you write things as you want to and of course time is on your side as you have your health and plenty of your life yet to live.

we are just giving some tough love and food for thought

best wishes

This post was modified 2 months ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 5:08 pm
c17ort
(@c17ort)

Dear Joydivider,

I have been on here for many years, I am not new to this forum. I can remember you joining & you are a regular on here replying  to peoples posts. 
Believe me not at any point am I feeling hard done to. But it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. 
I don’t need people who are also Gambling addicts telling me that my posts need to be written this way or that way or they should hold more content, or telling me they “fear for my family” & 9 days GF is nothing to shout about. 
Those types of comments do nothing for me, they encourage me not to want to post on here. 
A Gentleman has already apologised & I appreciate that, but Max who is also a gambling addict himself seems to want to fill me with negativity. 
Take it easy 

This post was modified 2 months ago by c17ort
ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 1st December 2021 6:56 pm
adam123
(@adam123)

Max post does seem overly blunt and negative.....u show u mean business, get the right blocks in place 40 is the new 30 plenty of time left averagely half ur life I guess?

 

All the best Adam 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st December 2021 9:00 pm
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