smart handsome guy thinks he's special and losses 60k in 25hrs

Hi Monrovia,

I came clean to my partner 2-3 weeks ago. Like you I was **** scared as to what her reaction would be and for months I kept it hidden... very cowardly. However it was the best thing I could have done. I came clean to her, my parents and close friends. Now I no longer have this weight on my shoulders. I no longer feel stress and anxiety as I am no longer lying and trying to cover my tracks.

My partner stood by me and is now supporting me through it. She can see how much I want to change and the things I'm putting in place to proves that. Take it from me, tell your wife. She has a right to know doesn't she? Leaving you is a possibility there's no denying that, but doesn't she deserve the chance to make that decision?

Listen to these posts. Go to the GA meetings on a weekly basis. Put the right blocks in place. See this for the illness that it is.

I am only 21 days gambling free, but I can tell you right now that I am already feeling the positive benefits and it feels amazing.

Do the right thing

Dave.

Hi guys and thanks for all the posts.

Sorry I haven't been around to monitor the forum or I would have replied sooner. Actually I thought no-one would bother replying to me which is probably part of the low self esteem issues that helped to bring me to the sorry place I am now.

To the person that commented about arrogance and delusions of grandeur, well I admit to that and am thoroughly ashamed of it, but I was just trying to be honest about how I was feeling. Regarding the loan- I haven't done it and will not go down that route. Yesterday morning I would also have refuted the suggestion that I might spend the loan money on gambling. This morning I'd say that was a good chance as last night I gambled another 1500 pounds away.

Alcohol is my enabler- but do I drink to have the courage to gamble or do I simply drink to feel better and boredom/restlessnes get the better of me and then I gamble?

I have had problems with s*x/P**n, drugs, drink and now gambling. I am clearly a person with a terrible addiction problem. I can say for certainty that in my case the highs and the lows are much stronger with gambling.

The reason (I think although the company don't say clearly) that my account got blocked was to do a proper ID check; utility bill, passport and also an explanation of where the funds came from. I have provided that but have not heard anything back. I would have thought these checks should have been done waaay before I lost 60k but that has given me a tiny little glimmer of hope that I might get some money back off of them for failing to do their duty in the first place.

I haven't told my angel of a wife yet. I can't do it. I know I am a weak coward but I just can't risk losing her right now as I am so depressed I don't dare think what I may do.

I have a session with a gamcare councillor scheduled for a week Tuesday which seems a long long way right now but that's the best he could do.

GA meeting was good. Only 3 people there apart from me but there was a lot of honesty in the room and it helped to share.

I swear if/when I make it out of this particular dark cave I am in I will use what I have learned to help others. I am fully aware that I have messed up on a monumental scale and truly believe that if I had've had a wider and richer social circle and a meaningful job then this wouldn't have happened.

Lots of love going out to all of you x

ALN

harsh but fair.

Just want you to know that I have beaten my previous demons before. I was a hopeless coke addict and stopped and a terrible binge eater but lost the weight through discipline. When I met my wife I confessed all the previous stuff and have had several relapses but the general trend is positive. I will now put all my focus into doing the same with gambling. I will overcome it and I will tell her, but I have to have the right moment.

Sorry if I came accross self-pitying. I'm not. I'm angry and don't want forgiveness or to be excused. I made the choices and was not co-erced. I am sick and need help but I have known that for some time and also chose not to act. I have a doc appointment tomorrow so no more hiding or coping alone.

I appreciate all comments so thanks for posting.

btw just blocked myself through the online tools. DAY 1

Did you recover from addiction before or did you merely stop acting out one and move on to the next?

The help’s there but not on your terms. Twelve Steps works long term, self discipline (self will?) doesn’t.

CW

Well yes I see what you mean. In many ways I guess I am simply moving to the next chapter of addiction and escalating. I am trying the 12 step programme. My point was/is that I'm a fighter and I will beat this- with all your help and professional guidance

Yes you are getting some tough words there Monrovia. Quite harsh in some cases but they do care about you

I know its difficult but thats one giant secret from your loved ones. It could gnaw away at your innards but I will respect your decision to find the right moment. You have to move on and use every thought process to lessen the impact.

I cant get around that your wife does need to know and be protected from this as you clearly love her. Would a job help here?..could you get financial advice on asset management that your wife controls. I feel your wife will have to have full control over the house and things but Im not a financial advisor

There is a serenity and a pride in knowing control has been handed over and it cant happen again.

I know how difficult it is and thats why I hate what gambling does to people. Its no game and I just cant understand why its so deregulated and generally accepted by society as a whole.

Best wishes to you

Tomorrow I have some meetings lined up to start a new project that will get me out of the house and set my mind to stop going over and over and over the past week. I can't change what happened but I can do all I can to finanancially repair my foolishness. She works full time and is partly why I had the time and space to gamble so freely. I know you are all right about me telling her and I will- promise. She is by no means a wallflower. We built the businesss together and relied on each other equally to make a success of it. Unfortunately she is very driven by finanancial success and tends to value it over other things. I am sure she could forgive infidelity or secret drug taking but this will be seen as robery, which it actually may be.

Again thanks for all the comments- harsh or otherwise. It helps to know what people really think. I have isolated myself the past few years and don't have a circle to bounce things off.

I'm only one day in to this, I've kept it a secret for so long, felt ashamed embarrassed, didn't want to hear the words just stop, if I could just stop I wouldn't be in the mess I am,
I don't have a partner, just 2 young children that rely on me and need me to keep a roof over there heads (on verge of loosing) can save aslong as I don't gamble,
I have friends was scared to tell them, since Tuesday I've told 4 friends they were shocked, however they been brilliant, I've spoken to a counciler on phone who has reffered me for one on one therapy, since talking to my closest I feel like a weight has been lifted,
Part of me wishes I had a partner to take over the finances and bills, I'm gonna have to sort that myself,
Talking to your wife would not be bad thing she most probably shock you and support you, your feel better for it

Compulsive gambling has nothing to do with money. As cw says you're just going from one addiction to another.

Doe 10

I read your post with sadness. I'm sure it breaks your heart to have affected your kids. We are where we are and we can't change that. I went to a GA meeting and heard horrendous stories but later on I realised its not useful to compare our own stories and put them in a kind of 'league' of horribleness. I know from past experience we humans can overcome adversity and come out better people in the end. You and I will both achieve this with focus, balance and determination. I'm glad your friends reacted well and now you have the base you need to build again. Hope you've self-excluded too, that felt like a psychologically important step for me. It'll be great if we can support each other through this nightmare, especially as we're both just at the start.

Yea I did that yeasterdsy gamstop, I had a phone call from ara today aswell got an assessment on Wednesday with them,
My problem is online slots I cant do that, I came out of sainsburys and was tempted by bookies ive never been in the bookies the whole time I've had this problem

I didn't go in I walked home but its just another battle

Well done and keep it up. I'm fine so long as I dont have a drink. Drank half a bottle of wine last night and hey presto...1500 lost. I am pleased to say the self exclusion worked.

Whenever you feel like gambling write a post on here instead. I'll keep checking. The battles are ok you have just got to keep winning them, or some of them at least so take the little victories and celebrate them just as we would have in the bookies

Hi Monrovia

Your wife is aware of your previous addictions which you were honest about to her. It is so easy to substitute one addiction for another. It’s very easy to build up in our mind that telling someone about a bad situation will mean that the other person will behave in our minds worst case scenario. That is often not the case. Your wife deserves to know as soon as possible before she finds it out herself. Telling her will help you feel much better about the situation and show her that you want to change. Best of luck. This forum is a great source of support.