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Ah5
 Ah5
(@ah5)

Hi All,

This is my first post on here and when i write things down it makes me feel better - empties my head instead of emptying my wallet.

I am 32 years old and have been gambling since 21 years old, over time i think i have lost just under *** - but thankfully the money gone was savings only and wasn't towards any bills or larger responsibilities.

Last year 2020, was my opportunity to save some serious money for a house deposit, i get paid just under the national UK average and WFH due to the pandemic boosted my take home salary by a lot.

However, my self destructive side appeared - my vice was slots and football bets, i practically gambled/spent ***of savings and *** of salary earnings. I was left with £900 in my account and with the *** some of it went towards helping my friend buy jewelry back he had pawned to fund his gambling habit (he does not gamble any more, its been about - 4 years clean for him, just buying some sentimental pieces). Like minds.

At this point, I have mood swings, feel very down, exhausted and deep inertia kicked in, i had to remind my self of what i do have. It took me a while to come out of this, there is always someone worst off than you, i had to rationalize.

Going forwards, i put a financial plan together and reluctantly accepted defeat - from the latter stages of 2020 to May 2021 - managed to save up £6k after deductions in my bank - frustratingly i peeked at the betting app i used, logged on to virtual games and won.  I didn't even feel happy, relieved yes - but i knew what was to follow. 

Over the 6 days, i felt a spike of adrenaline and lost. I felt so so sick, i had to remind myself i doubled the *** i had in my account to begin with and to write off the *** i had lost.

Now i am trying to control my urges by jogging and focusing on work  - but i am sick and tired of how this invisible sickness just lures you in always - it is frightening. I have put together some financial Goals (includes paying two loans, worth £6500 in Oct and Dec this year) with my win and plan to not gamble for a while - i just want to enjoy the euros. 

When i was at *** the highest amount, i knew to stop but never did, the impulse of greed took over - i am very sensible and rational as a person, but that wasn't me in that moment, gambled till i had *** and i dont know how but some sense made me stop. In that moment at the highest there was nothing i could do to stop - truly frightening, i had a 10 sec out of body experience, but was paralyzed to act.

What an invisible disease..

 

 

This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by Ah5
This topic was modified 2 weeks ago 2 times by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 10th June 2021 10:47 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @ah5

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for sharing your current struggles.

It appears that you have been going through a lot with relation to gambling for a number of years now.  It also sounds like you feel overwhelmed, but also is trying to make changes for the future.

You do not have to deal with this by yourself. There is plenty of support here for you and we are ready to help you. You can contact us on 0808 8020 133 or via live chat, we are here 24/7.

We  look forward to hearing from you!

Best wishes,

Forum Admin,

Fatou 

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Posted : 11th June 2021 6:27 am
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