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What have I done?


Hey all!

firstly please be kind 😀 I am sat heartbroken writing this x 

I was referred to gam care by my employers, which as you can imagine approaching my own employers benefits was a huge step but they referred me and I thought well why stop there- they already have my details!!

I am an addict: I am a gambler. I do not know why. I know I have always been a gambler - from a very young age - age 3/4 at the seaside, but is it from then? I know I went to bingo and casinos the minute I hit 18 and played fruit machines in my younger years! Does that make me a gambler? Or what about when I joined the forces and spent all my wages trying to land the jackpot on the fruity (cos it was a competition) or trying to win the jackpot in the mess at the latest competition? 
Moving onto later life the online world came and it has broke me, I am a gambler and addicted to online slots and bingo x 

I called gamcare tonight for some help and they have referred me to some counselling x I am looking forward to starting this journey as I have lost my marriage to this disease!! 


This topic was modified 4 months ago by Kelly140711111
This topic was modified 4 months ago by Forum admin
Topic starter Posted : 21st January 2022 2:05 am

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on taking the first steps in tackling your gambling addiction and, ultimately, moving forward towards a better and happier life.

I am a gambling addict who came here, learned about addiction, learned from others and now find myself 848 days since my last bet.

I would advise you to post everyday on your diary during the early stages. Also, you should read as many diaries as possible. Feel free to connect with others and they will connect with you. You will receive encouragement and support and it helps.

I was hopelessly addicted to roulette. All I wanted to do was play roulette. It has the potential to destroy me and take everything I hold dear and have worked for. I lose my mind when I play and the sensible person that I am goes missing in the midst of roulette either in bookies or online. I had to stop.

Stopping anything on willpower is hard. I learned some useful tips here. I learned to put blocks in place that prevented me from playing. I stopped carrying money for a while. Others self exclude. Whatever works to prevent the action of participating. I don’t use any blocks now.

I don’t gamble now because my life is far better as a non gambler than it every was with gambling in my life. I have more money, I sleep better, I have far less stress and worry and I’m not lying about my whereabouts or what I’ve done with my time. Life gets better and better. I’m far healthier in body and mind without gambling.

This forum is full of people who have stopped gambling and changed their lives. You can too. No doubt about that.

I’ll look out for you. I wish you well.



Posted : 21st January 2022 11:13 am

Hi Kelly,

I feel your pain as myself has also lost my marriage due to this hideous addiction, I urge you to pass over your finances to a trusted person asap you will be vulnerable now,trying to understand why people gamble and explaining to people that don’t is difficult,this over many years has affected your brain the way you think the way you behave and who you are as a person,try and seek counselling from someone who is qualified, go for a walk,do anything to try and release the thoughts of what’s happened and try and focus on getting your self well,you can do it one day at a time, if you need a buddy so to speak come on this forum as there are many people who have experienced and understand what your going through right now.
keep safe and remember one day at a time.


Posted : 22nd January 2022 7:52 pm

Hi Kelly   
              You are not alone you’ve done the best thing , it’s gonna take time but you can beat it . I’ve been clean for about2 and a half years. Like you it’s dogged me since a young child raised its head throughout my teenage and early 20s and then when it went online BANG . The wins were never enough I always needed more resulting in inevitable losses . I was totally consumed by it changed me as a person turned me into a deceitful liar who couldn’t be trusted by his own family despite a couple of relapses I finally nailed it (hopefully) although it will always be there lurking deep within me. I finally feel like my old self again a stand up guy who can be trusted .   I believe what helped me most was registering with Gamstop when I felt weak in the first year or so this saved me from gambling like I say it will always be with me but there is only one way for us to win and that’s never to gamble at all good luck Kelly hope to see you here again .

Posted : 22nd January 2022 8:52 pm
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