Ruined life for my beautiful family.

6 Posts
5 Users
0 Likes
2,540 Views
Lostsouls
(@lostsouls)
Posts: 43
Topic starter
 

Hi, I have just come clean to my wife about my gambaling problems and large debts.

I have probably been a problem gambler for many years but it's never really been an issue as I could never loose more than I could afford to, However in the process of trying to better myself and be able to get a mortgage  with my girlfriend, after years of building up my credit we could finally  get a mortgage  together.

Unfortunately I also used that good credit to enable me to have cards with large limits and be able to take out substantial loans,

2 years ago we got married and she was 8 months pregnant with our  second child.

I was just trying to give them a better life and foolishly made some high risk investments I then started chasing losses and now owe arround 38k in unsecured debt I also emptied my kids accounts like a true degenerate scumbag.

 

Looks like I'm going bankrupt and probably  losing my family as she dosnt know if she can ever trust me again and that she feels the last 2 years including  our wedding has all been a lie.

One small saving grace is that we sold the jointly owned house to move to Scotland (rented) for a better life for the all of us. And it was a perfect life for us all (despite coronavirus). Untill I shatterd her world on 2/5/2020 just 2 days after our sons 2nd birthday.

 

I don't know how this will play out but I'm terrified  to loose my family but realise it's all my own doing.

I have taken action to stop and get help, sought medical help and started the long road to financial recovery. My only hope is that she will eventually  see this as an illness that we can get through.

Yours the man who had it all and now is preparing to be alone and broke forever.

 
Posted : 6th May 2020 8:07 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)
Posts: 887
 

You've taken a really big step in coming clean to your wife and taken the first step in admitting that you have a problem.

There is no guarantee that everything will work out for you and your family, but if this is your first time coming clean then there is a good chance you can get your life and marriage back on track.

It will take a lot of work on your part and it will take a long time to earn any trust back, but it can be earned.

The money, as bad as it seems, is probably the easiest thing to sort out as long as you don't try to chase it.

It sounds like you have done some work already but if you haven't, please get in contact with Gamblers Anonymous and attend a meeting as soon as they re-open again.

You talk about being a degenerative scumbag but you'll never get judged like that in a GA room. You are a compulsive gambler and the addiction is too strong. Rational behaviour goes out of the window and unfortunately we do things we wouldn't think of doing normally. That's how bad the illness gets and it only gets worse if left unchecked. My wife said of me that sometimes good people do bad things, it doesn't make him a bad person. I did and I'm not.

There is hope for you though. Ga rooms and this forum are full of stories of similar situations and a lot of them have happy outcomes. No shortcuts though, no more living a dreamworld life, just have a determined purpose, with help from others who have been there and you'll be okay.

All the best to you.

Chris.

 
Posted : 6th May 2020 10:13 pm
(@gary48)
Posts: 10
 
Posted by: Lostsouls

Hi, I have just come clean to my wife about my gambaling problems and large debts.

I have probably been a problem gambler for many years but it's never really been an issue as I could never loose more than I could afford to, However in the process of trying to better myself and be able to get a mortgage  with my girlfriend, after years of building up my credit we could finally  get a mortgage  together.

Unfortunately I also used that good credit to enable me to have cards with large limits and be able to take out substantial loans,

2 years ago we got married and she was 8 months pregnant with our  second child.

I was just trying to give them a better life and foolishly made some high risk investments I then started chasing losses and now owe arround 38k in unsecured debt I also emptied my kids accounts like a true degenerate scumbag.

 

Looks like I'm going bankrupt and probably  losing my family as she dosnt know if she can ever trust me again and that she feels the last 2 years including  our wedding has all been a lie.

One small saving grace is that we sold the jointly owned house to move to Scotland (rented) for a better life for the all of us. And it was a perfect life for us all (despite coronavirus). Untill I shatterd her world on 2/5/2020 just 2 days after our sons 2nd birthday.

 

I don't know how this will play out but I'm terrified  to loose my family but realise it's all my own doing.

I have taken action to stop and get help, sought medical help and started the long road to financial recovery. My only hope is that she will eventually  see this as an illness that we can get through.

Yours the man who had it all and now is preparing to be alone and broke forever.

You have done the best thing by coming clean to your wife , I was in the same position 4 months ago and know how you feel and believe me it’s the best thing that you could have done with time she will understand that this is an illness and hopefully she will support you through it , I’m 4 months clean now and if I can do it I’m sure you can and you will realise that there is more to life than just gambling and things will be much better one piece of advice forget about all the money you have wasted gambling or this will play on your mind and you will never be free of it just forget about the money you have lost and focus on the future good luck you can do this?

 
Posted : 7th May 2020 11:38 am
Lostsouls
(@lostsouls)
Posts: 43
Topic starter
 

Thanks for the kind words and advice.

 

While I feel I can forget about the money. If this bancruptcy has a significant  impact on my family's  finances I will be devastated and never forgive myself.

Hopefully with continued effort I have started on my road to recovery.

 
Posted : 7th May 2020 1:03 pm
tryagain
(@tryagain)
Posts: 16
 

Hello lostsouls, 

I am in the same position as you, having just lost the money I had for a deposit on a home. I felt like absolute s**t, borderline suicidal, extremely anxious. 

I have come clean to my partner and it is a weight off my shoulders.  I hope that it will be the same for you, and that now the debts are in the open you will be less inclined to try chasing wins to cover them up.

For me, I have just spent  3 hours going through my finances with my partner. He logged into my credit karma/ Experian so everything was out in the open and there was no way of hiding. He has now taken control of everything and I will be given an allowance on Monzo so he can see all my transactions in real time. 

It was shameful and humiliating, but absolutely necessary. Perhaps you could pursue the same with your wife.

 

Best, 

tryagain

 
Posted : 9th May 2020 6:54 pm
lewishamilton44
(@lewishamilton44)
Posts: 1
 

You aren't alone...

I was due to get married 11th April (cancelled by the coronavirus) however since she has found out my 40K gambling debt, all the lies i've told, all the awful situations i've put her in and my addiction. This is day 1 of my road to recovery and winning the woman of my dreams back.

 
Posted : 11th May 2020 7:53 pm

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close