I have posted before and not sure that I am now putting this in the correct section, but I wanted to share as I find it comforting reading some other posts and knowing that I am not alone.
I’ve gambled for about 10 years and over that time I have lost a huge amount of money, probably around £100,000. Two years ago I met a wonderful man who I love very much. I told him I gambled a bit but he didn’t think it was very serious. He even gave me the odd bit of money to gamble with and I exploited that by taking more and more, from where ever I could. Ran up both our credit cards and told so many lies. Made up the most urgent reasons for him to lend me money to help my family. He is not rich but gave me most of his savings to help my family, but really it was to feed my addiction. He was close to finding out as he was supposed to be getting his money paid back, but I made up more lies as to why it wasn’t being paid back yet. I couldn’t even go into everything but I played the worst game of total deception to him. He was always so proud of me, I have a good job and could have been well off.
I was totally ashamed and knew anyday I would be found out. I couldn’t cope and made up my mind to tell him everything, I didn’t sleep for nights, kept delaying it making up reasons to myself not to tell him, but my back was almost against the wall and he was going to find out. Finally I told him, this was last September.
He was shocked and devastated, he went completely mad and told me to leave his house and that he couldn’t believe I had stolen from him. I tried to explain that it seriously didn’t feel like me, I was almost not fully there in my own body, I knew it was wrong but I had got so far in that I had to carry on to win as if I didn’t, then the alternative was still bad as I had lost so much money by that time. I then left him alone.
Amazingly he came to me saying he wanted to help me through this and I couldn’t believe it. I set up a payment schedule with him and kept to it.
Only now I have done something similar. Over Christmas he gave me some money to have a gamble, I lost so borrowed some more and lost again. Then I took some money which was in the house £2000 and lost that too. This is the bit he doesn’t know about and everyday I am scared he will find out.
He told me that if I ever do this again behind his back then we are over and I will be homeless too.
I regret it so much, I keep asking myself why I did it. Am I such a horrible person because I don’t believe I am, but I do hate myself right now.
I have to come clean as again he is going to find out for himself soon, but I truly do not have the guts.
I know a lot of you will say that I must install Gamstop etc, but right now I am facing having to tell him what an awful person I am, how I am thousands of pounds in debt and money taken from the house. I could be facing being homeless and just regret this everyday.
Truthfully, throughout all of this I can say i hate gambling but yet again it is still on my mind if I am honest, I am still looking for that big win to pull me out of this nightmare that I have made.
Good evening,
Upon reading your story, it is confusing that your partner rightly wasn’t happy with you & then returned to help you through it which is obviously great.
However you then mentioned he gave you £2000 to gamble with??? Not sure that is helping you.....all that is doing is feeding your addiction & getting you further into debt.
My advice is to wake up & start taking your addiction seriously otherwise you will be homeless like you mention. You need to want to quit otherwise it will never happen. You have to give it everything & more.
I have lost 100k through gambling & without me putting absolutely everything into quitting I never would have!! Take this illness seriously before it’s too late for you.
Get the help required by the great team on here.
Thank you, I promise you I am taking it seriously and will seek help.
just to clarify, he never gave me £2000 I took that from money in the house without him knowing. I know it doesn’t really matter but he gave me a small amount at Christmas to gamble with. Which wasn’t helpful but I dont think he realises what it is like to have this addiction.
Thank you and I will do something I just need to deal with this immediate problem. Well done for being able to get rid of this awful habit.
Hi Patricia
Me again.
Have to say I agree with C17ort regarding your partner needs not only to know but to be a bit stronger for your sake (sorry if that seems harsh) but unfortunately it's a cold turkey situation, you can't just do a little bit here and little bit there!! Even in our darkest times no matter the win its never enough. And to add to the comment " I am still looking for this big win to get me out of this nightmare" needs to go.
Unfortunately we have all lost alot of money via this addiction and why are we here?? Because you can never win/it's never enough. All you will do is dig the hole deeper and make things worse. Gamstop, gamban all needs to be added, get rid of that temptation.
I seriously feel that I have won now I am kicking this addictions b**t!!
Just a thought but have you considered letting you partner manage your finances??
As soon as I'm paid I transfer my wife all the bill money and then to prove to my parents (who bailed me out 1st time before relapse) I give them a chunk to give back on a weekly basis for my luxury reasons (football fees, takeaway etc)
I really hope this didnt come across harsh but I strongly recommend you and your partner talk(everyday I talk to my wife about this illness) ask him to support you, guide you and keep you away from any temptations.
All the best
Deano
Why on earth is your partner giving you money to gamble?? You have an illness and he shouldn't be doing that even if you felt like you needed it. And even if you do get that big win-its not going to save you. You will still gamble. Wins don't save you. They make things worse.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m concerned that he gave you money to gamble with at Christmas? That isn’t the right thing to do with a problem gambler. You wouldn’t give a recovering drug addict drugs because its Christmas?
I think you have a serious issue that needs resolving ASAP. And why is there around £2000 in the house? I don’t think he realises how serious this is.
I think you need to come clean with him and ask for his support. Ensure you have gam stop and gam ban in place and any bank accounts you have are under his control, any wages etc are paid into his account. It sounds controlling but he needs to restrict you from accessing money to gamble. I made sure my partner has access to my accounts so I know not to do anything stupid and I’m 10 months gamble free and happy.
I understand where you are coming from, you’ve dug yourself a hole and realised I’m ‘x’ amount down and I need to win that back... and if and when you do, you become greedy, try to win more and then lose it all... repeat.
If you really want to make a change, only you can help yourself.
This a great place to network, but please read and listen to the advice and help yourself. There is no good coming here to let steam off in a post if you’re just going to keep doing what you’re doing!
Sorry to sound harsh, direct and blunt, but please take the right action to put the right measures in place!
Afternoon Patricia16,
Thankyou for sharing your story with the forum.
I am no expert, however, I do have a few suggestions for you.
1. Aware and accept
Admit to yourself that you have a gambling problem, perhaps, you may not see that money lost again. However, you can take small steps by paying back in small chunks through genuine work, and not through gambling.
2. Understanding triggers
Understanding your triggers is very important if you have a gambling problem. For example, it could be that you feel missed an opportunity, chasing financial losses, feel alone at some point in your life, angry, anxieties, at work, want more money, short of money etc.
3. Deeper causes- escape
You're betting for a reason; you may have experience a sense of loss such as deaths, trying to get over a bigger problem by gambling. Take a step back and think about it.
I hope this helps.
Stay sane, safe, calm and take one day at a time.
Ps A thousand mile begins with one step
Thank you all for your replies, I don’t think any were harsh you were just honest. I need to take that step and tell him I have taken more money before I can move on with my recovery.
That is something that only I can do and I will but have to build up the courage.
Hi patricia, I really feel for you , I never managed to own up about my addiction I tried and tried but I couldn't tell my husband. I still with my addicted brain believed that I could gamble my way out of trouble. My husband found out one day and although it was awful at the time we are working through it and I'm now 7months gamble free. There is hope never give up hope but I understand that you are feeling that this time you and him will be through. Just tell the truth....the way you tried to stop gambling set you up to fail but now from being on this site you've read a lot had advice off people who have succeeded in stopping and now you know what to do. I totally understand your reluctance and I really hope things turn out well for you. But you must stop gambling compulsive gamblers cannot control gambling, stop now get help and get yourself a better life
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