Hi I am 25 turning 26 in a months time I have just come to terms and realised I have a gambling problem . I also suffer from substance abuse I have been dealing with this addiction since I was 14 years old since then I have lived a double life that my family have no idea about I have done such a good job in hiding it . When I am straight I do not have a pokies problem at all what so ever . As soon as I consume drugs on Sertain occasions the problem begins . I become fixated on winning and begin chaseing my losses for long periods of times . I must say I have had access to more money then I should over these last couple years will not go into detail of how . In saying this the more money I’ve had has led me to having bigger losses . I never was a big fan of gambling at first I didn’t like nor understand I used to get dragged to pubs with older friends and would sit there for hours and get annoyed watching them lose all there money I couldn’t understand it we would walk in to bars trying to win a jackpot and end up spending twice the amount of the jackpot we were tryna win. years later I was doing the same thing with another group of friends at least once or twice a week . How I became to gamble was by annoying friends to leave they would give me money and tell me to play a machine . Once I understood how to play them I was away . Being high all the time and awake on drugs you become bored and what other to do then have a enjoyable game of pokies flashing sounds bright lights the possible thought of winning money drugs and gambling go hand in hand together . Recipe for disaster !!!!!!! For years I would go to bars and the casino and lose a couple thousand here and there by chaseing losses sometimes I would win and walk away other times I would be come greedy or not know how to walk away and would lose it all . Fast foward to now I no longer play in bars or casinos as I discovered online gambling . I Have seen my friends and people I know have major wins on these online sites therefore I began to chase these type of wins to get ahead in life and feel some type of financial security for some reason having a lot of Money means a lot to me and stresses me out . With in the last year I have lost about $60k on multiple online gambling websites the amount i put in was more but I have had managed to pull of some wins where I was able to get back . I have had 4 big wins . One being XX I sat there and lost it all being greedy . I then deposited more money and began chaseing this loss . I managed to win again and pull out XX. Recently I was having a bad time loseing a couple k here and there . After weeks of chaseing these losses I did it I won again this time I won XX! I managed to withdraw at XX and was very pleased with myself . Couple weeks later I’ve come on to have a so called harmless game . I have then lost about XX I then begin to chase my loss some how I pull it off again I win the biggest win yet XX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I withdraw and by morning I was bored again I have then gone and redeemed a small amount of money and began to play . I have then gone to work this day and got stuck on my phone the whole day and I have lost the whole win . This has left my mind with so much anxiety and stress I then went home and lost a further XX of my own money tryna chase back some kind of win . I am now here feeling ashamed embarrassed and realised I have a much bigger problem then I thought I don’t want to see nor go anywhere right now I feel so alone I can’t even look at the people I care about in the eyes . I could of done so much things with this money and helped within my family I feel so guilty and stupid. I’ve lost all control I’m tired of living a double life I’m tired of making the same mistakes I thought I could one day fix myself and it would all be okay I think maybe now I might need help . As that amount of money weighs down on me I feel like I will be chaseing it forever . I don’t know what posting this will achieve but I’m lost right now I feel I just had to get it off my chest . Thank you .
What do you want to do? I read your story you win and lose and you have a bad conscious but. What do you want to do? No ship goes to sea without a destination otherwise it just drifts. I can not make out from this if you are just having a bad day or if you are looking to get help to get out of it, so I would advise you to have a good think. Make a plan. Envision what your life is supposed to look like in 1 year 2 years 3. When you know what you want to do you will know where you need to go to get you where you going to. That is how it works.
Drugs and gambling are repeat behaviours to get your days to go faster but it is not progress, just time killers.
All the best
C
Hi anonymousNZ94.
You are in the right place. You are not alone in your story and its good to pour all that out. You may be surprised how many people have gone through the same with this addiction.
Gambling IS a drug addiction as it works on the body and mind just like substance abuse.
You are beyond X in and X out because you have no control over your own mind. We all have stories of amounts but its called gambling for a reason. Its not an income scheme or a get it back later scheme
With respect a recovering gambler will glaze over the X amount parts you have written because we know the whole thing is deeper than that and goes to an addiction or illness thriving on issues within the soul.
The drug is in the activity...its a delusional escape drug we become hooked on..
So is this your rock bottom moment because as c43h says what do you want do really do now? have you had enough of gambling misery because you should have by now.
There is help..ring Gamcare again and talk to people close about your addiction. You do need a born again moment of openness and honesty. Have you told your family because you really need to.
Are you ready? We can help if you are ready to do everything needed.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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