Professional. compulsive gambler.

Hello,

Thanks for posting here. The topic of making money from gambling is a controversial one and I'm sure others will be along with their views. This is your story and thank you for sharing it honestly.

It sounds as though overall gambling has cost you a lot of money and has taken you to despairing places. Sorry you've felt so bad that suicide seemed like an option. If you ever feel that way again it's important to know that there is help out there - Samaritans are free to call on 116 123 and are open 24/7. Your GP is the gateway to receiving mental health support on the NHS, and if you ever feel at immediate risk of harming yourself you can call 999 for immediate help to stay safe. 

It sounds like you've been carrying this burden alone for a long time. Is there anyone close you can talk to? You're welcome to contact us on the Helpline on 0808 8020 133, or by webchat. We're here 24/7. It's not clear from your story whether you feel you want to change your gambling, though it does sound as though gambling is making you unhappy. We can help you work out what you want to do, without pressure or judgement. We can arrange for 1:1 or group support, all free and available by phone and online.

It's really important that you've started this conversation. We hope you continue it by posting here, visiting one of our chatrooms, contacting the helpline or whatever you feel will help.

Take care,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hello Professionalidiot,

I personally don't think that the idea of making money from gambling is controversial at all. I think you've just been living in the fantasy world of a compulsive gambler. I did this for many years, believing I could make a certain amount a day from a big pot. It should have been easy, other than the fact that I am a compulsive gambler. I can't stop. Maybe I could stop for an hour or a day but I always found myself back at it, searching for that next win but ultimately chasing my losses until there was nothing. That's what the illness does to me and others like me.

It sounds like you've got to a point where you might have had enough and if so then you can start to move forward.

As for your age, I started my career again at 31 and rose through it quickly. The only thing that held me back was my gambling. It's never too late to start and have a life that you crave but one that comes from hard work. There are no short cuts, no easy fixes. You need to put the effort in but I promise that the rewards are far greater than any win.

Can I suggest you go onto the Gamblers Anonymous website onto the literature section and take a look at the blue and orange books. These will give you a good understanding of the illness and hopefully you'll see that you're not alone. There's a saying in addiction that goes something like" we're all different but we are all the same." Our stories might differ but our addiction is the same.

There has never been a better time for someone who wants help with their illness. I'm a big believer in GA but you obviously have gamcare here, a forum on which to write your story as well as your thoughts and feelings, you can pick up the phone and chat to an adviser or go onto a chat room. GameStop is a great tool to put a block in place, as well as switching your bank to one that has a gambling ban option.

Ultimately the work that you put into this will determine how well you do. Don't make excuses for not doing something that will help you and don't look for a short cut, there isn't one.

Finally, there are two stages to this. The first is stopping, the second is staying stopped. For now can I suggest just trying stopping and get some clear time away from a bet. I hope you can take something from this and start the first day of the rest of your life.

Keep us updated.

in unity,

Chris.

Hi PI and welcome to the forum.

Its good to pour it out and you should keep talking here and to people close if you can.

You have to start separating the realty from the delusion. That takes time as compulsive gambling is an addiction which alters your mind for its own ends.

Reality and the truth can seem blunt to you now.Are you sitting on your own tropical island as a result of gambling? No you are not you are here and that is the common result of gambling for the vast majority of people.

I understand what you re saying but I have a strong dislike of the word professional related to any aspect of gambling.

I dont wish to sound unkind but gambling is a random act and like me your life has not been a picture of stability and upward mobility.

I cant cover everything thing here but there was never a way to rule the machines and poker is no soft option. Everyone thinks they are a fair "player" until a better bluffer or a better hand comes along. Its set up as  tv entertainment industry which is not the gritty reality of the game as its slanted for sensationalism amongst people who seem able to take the hit

I am a vain entitled dreamer and I sought escape when reality didnt match up for me.  I dont like that life seems to involve work.I thought women would swoon at my feet and I would get an easy, well paying job just because Im Joydivider. Gambling was therefore my drug of escape and I became hooked very quickly.

Reading what you say you are an addict and you've been that way for a long time. I told you reality is blunt and I have to cut through what you say to the important points.

Its not an intelligence issue so you are not an idiot. Like all new posters including me you post is littered with confusion and delusion.

With a proper recovery you will get you focus back and you should feel a flash of pride about starting that journey.

You need a born again moment. There are no upsides to gambling here. Its not a James bond movie and all those images of gambling are false because its for people who can chuck money away for some brief entertainment.

Its not an income scheme or a get it back later scheme because that would suggest reliability. Its a random act of a leaf blowing in the wind and it ruins people who have been sold the drug.

Its not really an upside of being cool with your mates...gambling kills people and the gambling dens are making fortunes as the risk is really shouldered by the punter

You were sold gambling as a drug...you liked it and now you need it. You dont need to talk about other drugs...gambling is a drug and clearly you like to escape.

You have to stop the gambling and do the cold turkey with proper support and help

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Well, we are all professional gamblers here because we are in rehab mode. Do you hate money? I have come to the conclusion that I must hate money because I used to P**s it away like there was no tomorrow. Who can love money when we literally poor it from our balcony?  But you see here is the catch. We think we absolutely worship money and we go into a tailspin of depression thinking of all the things we could have done when we lost it. We don't like money. I actually think we despise money as we have to have it and are slaves to it. So. If you love money more than you love gambling. Would it not make sense that you do quit when you are ahead? No, it is just chemicals and brainwashing. We like the chase. We get a kick when we are down and our stomach turns and all focus goes into that very moment. Everything else is unreal till you have the money you think you deserve, the loss you chased back or something else takes your focus. It is just a robotic repeat of something you have fed your brain thousands of times before. Do I have the answer to gambling addiction? Hell no. I am just as mortal as the next man but. I will say this. Be kind kicking your own a**e continuously becomes boring in the long run and you will learn nothing form it but worry. Change comes by being insightful and getting new habits instead of just doing what you already know. And last but not least. If you are depressed you are living in your past if you are anxious you are living in your future. If you are calm and at peace you are living in the present (Lao Tzu)

All the best

C 

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the forum.

Ive read lots of different stories on here from people losing their houses, businesses, marriages and kids. Gambling can take absolutely everything that you have and it has the power to do it very, very quickly.

Basically, your life has become unmanageable and you need to change. I can’t list everything that you need to do because abstinence and recovery is different case to case. My only suggestion is to read as much as you can about gambling addiction and learn for yourself from people who suffered horrendously from gambling addiction but managed to turn it all around to go on and have joyful, fulfilling lives.  That can absolutely happen to you. You can turn it all around and change your life. 

First thing first, you need to find a way to stop. It’s hard at first the same as breaking any habit is but with time it gets easier. Of course, when you do stop you’ll notice many other benefits whether they be better sleep, less stress and worry and of course you’ll stop losing money. The benefits are endless. Notice and appreciate them.

Ive no doubt at all that a year from now you could find yourself in a good job, fitter and healthier both physically and mentally than ever before with a lovely partner and the strength and desire to do anything that you want. If so, it starts today. Right now from where you are with what you’ve got. No matter how bad you think that it is only you can ensure that it never gets this bad ever again.

RR

Great advice above I like roulette regrets approach you really can flip this one on the head!  U also really liked that quote depression equals living in the past, anxiety equals living in the future and calm and clear and peaceful equals living in the present.  This also holds true to not aiming to stay gamble free for the rest of ur life such a tall order , just aim for each DAT at a time, that's what I do I wake and say to myself I feel good I didn't gamble yesturday, today I will not gamble.  I think if u stay in the present time u can achieve each objective as they are small and manageable.  Bit sized achievements they should call them.  Then like the quote you are calm and peaceful because life is not too much to handle you can once again achieve it one day at a time.  All the best mate trust me ur confidence will come back.

Posted by: Joydivider

 

I dont wish to sound unkind but gambling is a random act and like me your life has not been a picture of stability and upward mobility.

I cant cover everything thing here but there was never a way to rule the machines and poker is no soft option. Everyone thinks they are a fair "player" until a better bluffer or a better hand comes along. Its set up as  tv entertainment industry which is not the gritty reality of the game as its slanted for sensationalism amongst people who seem able to take the hit

 

 

Sorry to disagree but yes there were ways to guarantee an income from fruit machines. I did it for years. There were also games on the FOBTs that were in your favour. This is FACT and I made a living off both of the above for years. I also made income from poker whether you can believe it or not. The admins actually edited my post and removed some of the details (Some of the FOBT side of things were also removed.)

The point of me putting this information was to try and show how ingrained gambling is within me due to it having been my main income for almost 20 years and in a way it's all I have known so to move away from it just feels like an impossibility.

Thanks

Good Morning,

Ive just read your post and I’ll do my best to reply as best I can.

Absolutely, money can be made through gambling but not by a gambling addict. 

I used to win football coupons, could win lots on a roulette machine. Then, I became addicted. Couldn’t stop playing, one win would lead to trying to win more until all was lost then it would start over. When you’re chasing losses or a debt no win is ever enough so you keep going. When you’re losing you cant walk away instead convincing yourself that your number will come in next spin, next spin and so on. Thats addictive behaviour.

My friends could win a football coupon and be buzzing, take the money and treat themselves. I’d be raging that I never put more on the bet. Addictive behaviours.

Without upsetting you, I’ve read this type of post several times through the years and its denial. You came here with a problem, heavily in debt and unhappy in life but you’ll argue that you can make money from it. I did the very same thing many years ago. I’m not judging you. I convinced myself I could win money at football but had to stop roulette. This approach doesn’t work. I can assure you it doesn’t work.

Addicts do not make money in the long term through gambling. They lose money long term with life becoming progressively worse.

The human brain - it always recalls the good times. The wins. The brain easily forgets the bad times and the losses. Bad times never seem so bad when you look back years in history. They were bad. They were horrendous. So bad that we try to forget about them.

I wish you well.

RR

Among others, there are three types of gambler that I will point out. The social gambler, the professional gambler and the problem gambler. The problem gambler will often wrongly perceive themselves to be either the social gambler or the professional gambler. You started playing fruit machines at age 13 and you used to steal money to play them. Your compulsion to gamble at such a young age led you to steal in order to do so. I would say that from a very early age, you had crossed the line from gambling recreationally to showing signs of a gambling disorder. Your desire to be a pro gambler could never work because you failed to see that you were already addicted from a very young age. That's the real reason you sought out gambling and jobs in this field, not to be a professional, but to fuel your growing addiction. 

A professional gambler can set limits and stick to them, is fascinated by the stats, and sees gambling as purely a mathematical way to make money. 

There is a lot of denial in this game. I have read about many 'pros' who profess how great they are at the game, yet they are living out of their cars in order to fund their obsession and the only reason they have cash on the table is because they just sold their possessions to cover their next bet. An over estimation of skill and arrogance can lead you straight down the path to addiction. The need to prove yourself right when the truth is staring you in the face, is an unhealthy addiction. Some often insist they are just one bet away from wining it all back, but fail to see that they are also just one bet away from losing everything. This was your attitude to gambling. 

A pro does not get a thrill out of gambling. It is just a way to make money. You have bet compulsively for years and been in debt, driven to gamble more and more by what was probably just a 'lucky' streak that led you to overestimate your 'skill' and which cemented your fate as a gambling addict.

You appear to imply that you managed your addiction by not having large amounts of money due to the fact that you were spending too much gambling. That's not managing your addiction, that's the implications of your addiction staring you in the face.

Reading through your post, it sounds like you are addicted to risk. You do what you want and stuff the consequences. You have had a life full of debt, drugs and gambling and you reel them off like it is part of a CV. Gambling and drugs has been at the heart of your life for decades and the affects of it should be very easy to see, yet you still cling to the idea that you can make money from gambling. You are just what the Industry is looking for. You need to stop right now and turn this around before it is too late. You have a whole history of struggles to draw strength from. Do not cling to the wins like that's what they actually were. The money was never yours. It means nothing to you because you aren't really interested in the money but you can't see that. It's the act of gambling that you are addicted too, not winning money. That's why you can't stop, despite the horrible consequences staring you in the face.  You win money and it means nothing to you except more gambling. If you truly valued money, you would not gamble. You would invest and save it.

I am nearly two years without a bet, but every single day I wake up to a hole in my bank account. Every single day I get a message to say I need to pay in money, that I don't have enough to cover payments. I also 'forced' paypal to loan me money, I am stuck in a constant cycle of sending payments to my bank to cover payments that come out and the money isn't even mine. Even after all this time.

You still play down the amount you owe. You don't owe paypal 10K in theory. You owe them 10K!

Two years and still I am struggling to keep up with my actions, still chasing payments and still worried about what I will see when I wake up every day. I lost my life savings and stole to gamble. I also won more than a working wage every day for many months. I built it all up and it was gone in one arrogant session. That was not skill, nor was it a lucky streak. That was bait to seal my fate and I took it and expected to win like it was my right.

I would not call myself a pro, I would call myself an addict. 

Professionalidiot,

The point of this shouldn't be to criticise your story. You said what you think and that's that. The next bit is to see if you have had enough of gambling and want advice from others who have managed to abstain from gambling themselves?

If you've had enough or reached a rock bottom moment just say so. If you haven't I suggest you keep going doing what you're doing until you have had enough. I can't tell you what to do but I can advise on what I did. I'm now over two years off a bet. If that sounds like something you want just say.

In unity,

Chris.

Professionalidiot, if I came across harsh, it's not because I am criticising your story, but I am criticising your response to it. Read your post back again. Let the enormity of what you say sink in. This is your life on the page. If you don't like it. Change it. It is never too late.

Decades of pain, debt, drugs and gambling and still you say you cannot commit to giving up? When will it be enough? Forget the financial aspect, look at what this does to your health, your mind. You cannot possibly achieve anything while you are so focused on gambling. You will never free yourself up to be anything else unless you turn this around.

There is so much uncertainty already in the world. Do we really need to make life any more difficult for ourselves? You can change, but you have to really want to and you have to believe that gambling is the cause of your problems and therefore it can never be the solution.

All the best. 

I should probably quit gambling. All of it. But I cannot commit

There was once a time i couldn't commit either & the longer i couldn't commit the worse my life became. In the end i was desperate to commit. I've no doubt you'll feel the same one day it just doesn't sound like it's right now unfortunately.

Best Wishes

P.I.

I would like to say that I appreciate you came here and laid your whole story down on a page and with absolute honesty. Please don’t think that any of our replies are harsh or criticising. On the contrary, I believe you have received such detailed responses because of the efforts you put into your initial post. As soon as I read it I thought “here is a guy who needs some help”. I wish and hope that someone on here gets through to you.

You need to realise that we, on here, are on a journey of abstinence and recovery from gambling addiction. We’ve experienced and lived the emotions you felt when you decided to post here. Many of us have been to very dark and lonely places with this addiction. We recognise this in you and want the best for you.

Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't enough  to hear advice and act on it. Often we need to experience really bad things before we believe how bad it can ever get. I hope this isn’t the case for you.

Why not give it a try. Start a diary on the recovery diaries section and post your thoughts snd feelings every day and see where it takes you. If it doesn’t work then what have you lost.

RR

My gambling days still devastate me. The gambling may stop, but the affects we may carry for a long time afterwards. I used to self harm because of the pain and feeling so stuck and lost. I literally hated myself and it did nothing for me except make me gamble more and more. The more I gambled, the more I hated myself and the more I hated myself, the more I gambled.

I realised that I did not love myself enough to stop and that was what I needed to change. I needed to give myself some meaning to my life, something to focus on and a reason to change. When gambling becomes all you are about, it is hard to see what you are changing for? What will you be without it? It is hard because when you gamble for decades, you are defined by it and it is part of the person you are. It consumes you and it is hard to separate the addict from the person. The more you gamble, less of the person exists. You have to fight to get your life back, but while you are gambling, you don't know what life you are going back to. All you have known for years is gambling.

The problem with gambling addiction is it knows no bounds except the depth of your wallet. There is no limit to what you can do to yourself. It does not kill you or wind you up in hospital in the same way that other drugs might, and there is no obvious outward sign of suffering, but it kills you because it lets you live. It is a parasite and feeds off of you, slowly but surely bleeding you dry, and every time you want to kick it to the curb, there it is offering you a glimmer of hope, throwing you a few quid to further delude you into coming back for more. 

You can sit at a machine and pour your life savings into it and you won't even feel the pain until it is too late. Dopamine is the drug that numbs your senses while you haemorrhage thousands, like a bat numbs the skin of a cow while it sucks the blood from its host. 

R.R is right, Professionalidiot. It is very important to be able to post with honesty and with sincerity and I also appreciate that you took the time to post your story. I hope you can appreciate some of the advice. These kinds of posts always stir up emotions because our advice comes from a very painful place and we all know too well how bad things can get. I thought about my own life a lot during my addiction and questioned the point of my existence, what was I here for if only to feel pain. It was a thought that went through my mind that my life insurance would make the lives of my family more easier than it was with me alive. It is for this reason that we might approach your post more stronger than you might like and that is because of passion, not prejudice, not judgement but a need to prevent this from happening to anyone else.

RR is right. Start a diary. It might help you unravel your thoughts and you will receive support for the days ahead. No doubt money can be made gambling. But much more can be lost. Nobody wins long term except the house because that is how it is designed. The longer you play, the more you lose. At some point, you crossed the line from trying to make a career out of gambling and falling into the trap of addiction. After that, I think you probably tried to convince yourself that winning back the money was still possible and you've been on that path ever since.

Writing down your thoughts might really help you to see what you need to do next. Your post is all about the past, so what about your plans for the future? You said that nothing was on the horizon but that's not true.  You cant see what's on the horizon because your addiction stands in the way. Without gambling, anything you want can be on the horizon. Debt is not a death sentence but addiction can be. Addiction wants you to believe there is no way out. It wants to take away your choice and your will so that you will be nothing without it. It wants to make you weak so that you rely on it for everything, turn to it for everything. 

You can fight this if you choose to. It won't be easy but the best things are those that we fight for and that we work hard to create. No matter how bad your life seems now, believe me, it can always get worse. Stop now, at least for a while and give yourself chance to get your head together. After relapse, your mind is all over the place and you do not think rationally. All you can think about is betting again and getting the money back. Be honest with family and get them to help you manage your finances. Get a debt repayment scheme and work to pay down debt so that you can learn the value of money again. Nobody likes debt but when you have to pay it off, it takes time and you can think about how quickly you made the debt and how long it takes to actually pay it off.

The things that you say about yourself are not nice. I get the impression that you don't like yourself very much and this is most likely because of your addiction, so why don't you use that to help yourself change. It seems to me that you have already done the hard part and took a long look at yourself. That is good and it is not an easy thing to do. Fair play to you for your honesty. Now, the next part is what you are going to do about it because you can hate your life and stay that way or you can say I hate my life and I am going to change it.

It takes courage to post the way you did. Just because you have always been a certain way doesn't mean you always have to be that way. You have made your past what it is and that can't be changed, but your future is not yet written. The pen is in your hand, so go ahead and write your life the way you want it to be.

Gambling is the one constant in your life and the reason why you are depressed and in debt. If you can learn to accept that gambling made your life this way then you can find the will to change this around. If you continue to cling to gambling like it can save you, then gambling will continue to wreak havoc on your life. 

Remember, you are just one decision away from being a non gambler. 

You are never really lost. You are always somewhere.