Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a state.
I'm in an on/off relationship with a very charismatic 41 yr old man who takes C*****e at least twice a week and admits to having a gambling addiction (slot machines, horses and casinos). He's got a block for online gambling but he says it's the slots that are the worse for him.
I've really pulled back from getting closer to him as I've been divorced for just over a year (was married for 14 yrs) then met this guy 6 mths after being single. He moved in with his parents during lockdown (he's self-employed and can earn daily) and still lives there - rent free - he earns between £8k - £10k per month but all this goes due to gambling and C*****e removed link
He refuses to stop using C*****e (I don't use it) but wants to stop gambling. He's been in rehab before (years ago) but says he doesn't want help from anywhere this time.
He's desperate to move in with me and often makes me feel guilty when I refuse but I'm terrified of what I'd be letting myself in for. I'm 51 yrs old with my own home that I got after my divorce finalised, he has no house and no savings.
I can't believe I even have to ask but I feel so sorry for him as he's got no friends but am I right to not let him move in and am I right to keep him at arms length?
Thank you so much for reading.
Think you should listen to your inner voice there and keep that relationship at an arms length. You have already pointed out why you should do that in your own story and if you have a good think about it. The results is what should dictate your resolve. Anyone who refuses to stop something is simply not ready to get help. That means you will just be another tool for his quest to keep on being addicted.
Best
c
A Coc@ ine addiction at that age is extremely unusual
It's almost always a young mans drug the body struggles to cope with it as you get older
I have a mate who is a borderline functioning addict , but can not do any kind of social activity without taking it
Combined with gambling i dread to think of the consequences
Oh i could have wrote this myself. C*****e and gambling hes early 40s divorced no kids. For the past few weeks he changed, became cold and distant. It seemed like the more i dont for him, the further i pushed him away. We wer ment to take the child on holiday next week and the money is gone. I have supported him through previous relapses but this time his abusive streak wnt to unimaginable levels. And i have become physically and emotionally sick. I begged him to tell me what was going on. I have almost convinced myself that his behaviours are because of gambling. But now I am not so sure. I have put up with emotional and verbal abuse for so long. I am exhausted. I have no confidence. I often wonder why we accept this behaviour. Why do we believe we can change them. Why do we lift them up when no one is there to lift us up. Its choice. And from today i am making the choice to say No more.
@heretochat I wish I could take your words for my situation 😩 x
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