A few weeks ago I found out my partner of 5 years has gone back to his online gambling on an excessive level. 2 years ago he confided in me that he had been playing slots online any chance he could get, at home, at work, he had taken out numerous loans and finally reached the point that he realised he needed to stop. Together we blocked him off some sites but he didnt want to do all of them as it was not easy to do (so I believed) and he told me he had stopped and that was that. He has alway played poker in casinos and all his friends told me how sensible he was with his money and gambling and I believed them.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I believed he had stopped for good and just played poker once a week, we were spending less and less time together, he would come home from work and just go upstairs for the evening and there would always be a silly reason why he didnt want to spend time with me. I finally confronted him and asked if he was gambling to which he told me I was mental and of course not. I didnt believe him and then a so called friend of his told me how much he had been gambling online again, and it was getting out of control. I told my partner I knew what he was doing and he denied and continues to deny it even now, I told him I was here for him, when he was ready for help, I would help him in whatever way he needed me to, that I wasnt angry, and that I knew it was hard for him to stop so for now if he could just get it back under control as it seemed he had no control over his playing. He again denied it and still does.
I have had help off this site and continue to do so, but I am now struggling with his lies, I understand why he lied but now I find myself questioning what he is saying, if he is late home from work I question if he is sitting in his car somewhere playing online, and I really don't want to live like that at all. I know he has to want help and he's done it before, but I feel completely out of my depth in what to do, what to say, I feel like if I do say anything it's the wrong thing and instead of helping, makes things worse.
I don't know how to handle things at all - can anyone offer any advice?
Everybody has different ways of dealing with this sort of situation but personally I would try a bit of tough love and call his bluff you seem to have tried the softly softly approach sometimes harsh words are needed for someone to wake up and realise the pain they are causing good luck and take care
Hi @picknmix,
Welcome to the GamCare forum. It sounds like you're living in a really difficult situation when you know your partner is gambling but he is continuing to deny it. It's incredibly frustrating when you can see that someone is doing something damaging but they can't see it and you can't stop them. So, it's important for you to get support for yourself.
Firstly I'd like to let you know we have a chatroom at 11.30am today specifically for friends and families of gamblers. Find out more and join here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/group-chatroom/
Just be logged in to the forum and visit the page above at 11.30am - you should be able to see and enter the chatroom.
You might also find it helpful to visit and post in the Family and Friends section of this forum.
And our helpline is open 24/7 on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We can offer immediate information and advice and if you would like more ongoing support we can help you access free 1:1 weekly support.
Best wishes,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hi... Well from what you say, he's clearly gambling and doesn't want to stop. He just wants you to stop questioning him.
My advice is let him get on with it. Don't focus all your energies in to whether he is gambling or not, cos that will start to consume your life if it isn't doing so already.
All you can really do is focus on yourself and your own life and making sure that your money doesn't get gambled too. I guess you gotta ask yourself the question...
Do I really want to be with someone who lies to me?? If he's lying about the gambling, what else is he lying about??
Sorry if this sounds a bit blunt but that's how I see it.
All the best
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