Online slots have ruined my life

I’m really sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine how hard it must at the moment. I know the exact feeling of getting completely out of control with the financial aspect, I don’t have a partner or children but I know a lot of people on here have had similar experiences. 

Someone who has come clean to a partner about a relapse would probably be in a better position to advice you here. But I do think you need to come clean as soon as possible, I know it’s tempting to want to keep it quiet and gain the money back somehow but it’s unlikely you’ll be able to do that before they notice anyway and it’s likely to lead you to gamble again trying to get it back. I think it’s helpful to tell your partner but have a plan in place for how you want to move forward. Make a list as to the mechanisms you’re going to have in place to not relapse again and (if you can bring yourself to do it) perhaps make a bit of a financial plan as to how you’re going to earn back the money lost (e.g putting a set amount aside each month). I’d also strongly recommend if possible not being able to access those savings at all, although I know that might not be an option if it’s shared. 

It’s impossible to say how your partner will react but the sooner you tell them and the clearer plan you have in place the better I would say. 

Hi cerry

thanks for your reply, I really do need to come clean whatever the outcome will be I need to get this off my chest, my partner has been working away and will be home today.

I have a decent paid job but I’m currently on maternity leave so no way I can pay anything back, we private rent and it’s double what you’d pay for a mortgage so when I get my money through it’s all basically gone on bills, I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and there’s no way to come out of it

Imagine burglars broke into your house and stole everything you own. Would you hate yourself because of this? No, you would vent your anger at the robbers who took from you. Don't turn your anger at losing money back into yourself. Get angry at the online slots which 'robbed' you and vow never to let them rob you again. Once you go into recovery you can stop the losses and begin to rebuild. It will take time but eventually you will get out of debt and live life again. Others have done it, you can too. Think positive and have faith that there is hope and that things get better when you stop gambling.

@ashamed You say no one on here can help you but you’ve made a good start yourself. There is advice and you might not like it, but it’s advice earned through experience so I hope you take it in the spirit that it’s meant.

Whether your partner supports you or leaves you, you need to tell him and be completely honest. All the time that you keep it a secret you aren’t doing yourself any favours and your mind will justify trying to win the lost money back again. There’s only one way that will end up.

The second thing to do is have a plan of what you do next. This isn’t just going to go away and how are you going to live with it? For me it’s Gambler’s Anonymous and weekly meetings. I have also worked a program of change so I give myself every chance of staying clean. Clean off a bet and clean of mind.

Finally, please do this for yourself. If you get better then those around you benefit.

I lost my family. Not because I came clean but because I kept on doing it so many times that I was ruining not only my wife’s life but our children’s too. When I came clean the first or second time I had so much support and although I was nervous about the outcome, we ended up having the best life for three years. It took work on my part but getting through the early stages was worth it. I relapsed again and again afterwards but you don’t need to.

If you have any questions please ask.

Chris.

Thankyou so much for your replies, this forum has helped me a lot, it’s just nice to get it off your chest without feeling judged. 

as weird as this sounds it’s nice to know that people are in the same boat as me, I feel so ashamed how I could get addicted to online slots, and how secretive I’ve been about it, I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and all my emotions are all over the place, it’s weird all at once it’s***t me with what I’ve been doing. When you are gambling you are in the zone and think about nothing else it’s so scary, I suppose I’ve seen sense now but I need help to move forward, I have come clean to my mum today and she said to me ‘it is only money’ and that’s so true money comes and go, what’s more important is our mental health, and this gambling addiction has effected me in many ways I cannot cope, i have still yet to tell my partner, he should be home shortly, I feel sick and riddled in anxiety of what the outcome will be but I need to come clean and work on myself, I need to overcome this addiction. 

@ashamed I hope your evening was okay. It can’t have been easy but I hope it helped you.

Chris.

@ashamed Ive known my partner is secretly gambling for 2 weeks now. I’ve given myself a deadline of Monday evening to confront him. I wish he’d tell me first. For me the biggest issue isn’t the money but the loss of trust. Him confessing would go a long way towards restoring that. Good luck!

Thanks very much for all your replies, it has honestly helped so much.

I told my partner everything, obviously he hasn’t took it well and no longer wants to be with me, which I don’t blame him one bit, I’ve never felt so low in my life, it’s so many emotions I am currently feeling…guilt, shame, drained, anxious for the future the list goes on. But in a weird way I feel a massive relief off my shoulders now that I’ve come clean, I just need to work on myself now, I still don’t know the reason how I got addicted, I’ve always known I’ve had an addictive personality but never knew I could be so out of control. Anyways day 1 without gambling and hopefully in time everything will get better.

Hope you’re all doing well and thanks again for your replies 

Posted by: @ashamed

 

as weird as this sounds it’s nice to know that people are in the same boat as me, 

Hi @ashamed!  This is my first ever post--but I've just registered and joined after reading your posts to support you and say I'm in a similar boat!

Long story....but a few months ago I thought I was gambling too much and I should nip it in the bud before it turns into a serious problem--I bank with the Halifax and using their app I was able to put a freeze on gambling transactions and through will power alone I didn't go on any gambling websites..... this was a couple of months ago and stupidly I thought I had everythng under control again (ha, ha!!!) so I started logging on to the gambling websites and playing the free daily games - again stupidly I thought what's the harm?? - I'm not gambling with my money and anything I do win will be a bonus.  Logging on everyday to play the free games I saw that there were new games which I haven't played before and it also gave me an appetite to play more than the 5 free spins I was getting each day.. Still thinking I was in control of it I took the gambling freeze off my bank account.  However, you have to wait 48 hrs for the freeze to come off- all that time I was dreaming of which games I would play and how much I would enjoy doing so.... I repeated to myself in my head I would not gamble more than £50, £50 was going to be my limit. I thought I was so in control!!!  Well the freeze came off at 11pm on Tuesday night-- and that £50 lasted me a matter of minutes.... I ended up staying up till gone 4am Wednesday morning and I had gone through a £1,000!!!  I had to get up for work the next day and I felt absolutely shocking on just 2 hours sleep and £1,000 down.  Just like you, I must turn into a zombie/ in a trance!!!!  To me it doesn't feel like real money--it's just a number on the screen.... I don't know why I do it either??? I'm guessing boredom and wanting some excitement???  I realise now though that I am an addict!!!  I'm not in control!!! - that freeze has gone back on my bank account--and I loved what the other poster said: to view it as you've been robbed. So I'm telling myself never to remove that freeze or I will be robbed again!

I do it secretly too- I'm single and live with my parents and they haven't got the slightest inclining--they think I'm asleep in bed. My losses also came out of my savings that I plan on using for a house deposit--that's now a £1,000 lighter...... 

It has been an eye opener this week and I have faced reality--I do have a problem with gambling--I'm not in any sort of control. 

Stay stronger--you are not alone.... 

@ashamed Just give it time. It’s a shock and hopefully you’ll get a chance to work things out. 
It might not feel like it at the moment but you have done the most unselfish thing by coming clean. You have also helped yourself, day 1, onto day 2.

Good luck 

Chris.

Hello Ashamed and Welcome

You will build up an understanding that you are an ill person trying to get better and not a bad person trying to be good. Ashamed is a handle you need to drop and let go in a short space of time

They pushed an addictive product on you which is actually a drug. 

You have to take something from the fact that you are not the only one that's going through this or that has been through it

The number of addicted gamblers in the UK is eye watering. If it was just you......then you see my point....you are not alone in being vulnerable to this one

You have to tell someone close and reach out for help. 

It's a complex addiction. Nothing was really on offer except the drug of the flutter. That's what gets into your bones and for the rest of your life you will have to respect and be wary of complacency regarding this addiction

I'm crystal clear now that all they did was trick and hook me to put it simply. When you do the cold turkey and recover properly it gets easier

I just walk right past those pusher dens now. I let the pain and anger go and have a real peace of mind regarding what I did in the past.

However I'm also excluded for maximum terms and renewed. That is because I understand this devil of an addiction all too clearly now......see how I'm not complacent and my support group know that bad news and say a stressful job is reason to double check on me. We talk about scenarios of feeling emotionally lost and my nightmare of motorway service station for example.....all part of feeling strong and secure

That's not to say I'm weak.....just aware that I had been doing it for forty years before finally being born again if you want to put it that way

Best wishes from everyone on the forum