Hello,
Im Shelley, I’m in my 20’s. I have been gambling on and off for around 8 years, however recently I realised it had become a problem.
It started playing the penny slots..8 years ago and recently it got to a point where I could deposit £1000 in a night and still not win. Yes, I’ve had some good wins but not enough to save me getting into debt, a lot of debt.
I don’t go to sleep very easily, hence the topic subject. My mind works overtime when I’m on my own and it’s quiet. I have a busy life, a child, a partner and a full time job in which I feel I am very good at handling but when I’m on my own I crumble.
I also suffer with anxiety and depression (the depression part is hard to admit because 70% of the time it’s not there) however I am writing this post at 1am and my mind is working overtime.
Back to why I am here...so, apart from suffering from the above, I also got abused at a young age, I have been to counselling for this but had to cut it short due to work commitments - I feel like gambling is a form of self harm. I used to enjoy it and until I stopped, I suppose I still did, for the first 30 mins and then regretted it but continued and when I lost, I’d spend more. I played online, on stupid mindless slots. It used to dull my mind, take my mind off things for that short while and make me worry about other things e.g - how am I going to get through this month with no money? But I assure you - that was a way better feeling than what was on my mind and what I was having flashbacks about at the time!
I can’t imagine spending the money in a betting shop, to me, online was like Monopoly money. Not real, but reality still came crashing down the next day, or when I went to bed and my heart was pounding so much because what I had done.
Recently it got worse, I got a loan, maxed 2 credit cards out and spent all my wages (which I got paid that day) I have a house, a life, a child which depends on me. What am I going to do?! The only thing that kept going round in my head was - “if you die, you have a pension and life insurance, you’re worth more dead” in reality I haven’t got myself into that much debt for death to be a solution but at that time - it was.
Luckily, my mum noticed my behaviour hadn’t been right, I was crashing and fortunately on my worst night she messaged & asked “you ok” this was the green light to say NO!!! It was either that or maybe I wouldn’t be here writing this. So I did, I woke my partner up at 3am & told him what I’d done and how I was feeling and my parents arranged a meeting with them at 6am that morning in which I told them EVERYTHING. Past, present and my uncertain future.
Fortunately, they have been SO supportive but I have disappointed everyone so much. I don’t know what is worse, admitting you have a gambling addiction or disappointing everyone you love. I have banned myself off all sites, put in a plan for my debts, spoke to gam care and been completely honest and transparent with the people I love.
I am in remission, I want to save, pay off my debts, get married & have a future and I WILL do that. But these nights when my partner goes to sleep and I’m still awake is hard. I’m still alone and I feel as if I’m fighting this battle alone although I know I have so many people around me, supporting me, I can’t expect them to be here at this time. I’m not in a dark place any more but it’s still hard to not feel the feelings I was, that I used to suppress with gambling.
If any of you manage to make it to the end of my story, thanks for reading and if you have ANY advice what to do at this time, please reply. I want to be better.
Dear Shelley, thank you for your post to the Gam Care Forum.
I am so sorry to hear you talk about everything that you have been through; it must have taken a lot of courage to write and post so honestly about your experiences that have brought you here today. I agree, it is often the early hours when we feel alone and we can't prevent our minds from working overtime, our internal dialogue playing over the events of our past and future, questioning our resolve.
I am so glad to hear that you have reached out, that you have spoken to family, to GamCare and are able to get the support that you so very much deserve. You've made some really positive first steps in to putting plans for the future in to place.
I wish you all the very best Shelley, and hope you can get some rest. Please do get in touch anytime.
Take care,
Forum Admin
Hello,
Im Shelley, I’m in my 20’s. I have been gambling on and off for around 8 years, however recently I realised it had become a problem.
It started playing the penny slots..8 years ago and recently it got to a point where I could deposit £1000 in a night and still not win. Yes, I’ve had some good wins but not enough to save me getting into debt, a lot of debt.
I don’t go to sleep very easily, hence the topic subject. My mind works overtime when I’m on my own and it’s quiet. I have a busy life, a child, a partner and a full time job in which I feel I am very good at handling but when I’m on my own I crumble.
I also suffer with anxiety and depression (the depression part is hard to admit because 70% of the time it’s not there) however I am writing this post at 1am and my mind is working overtime.
Back to why I am here...so, apart from suffering from the above, I also got abused at a young age, I have been to counselling for this but had to cut it short due to work commitments - I feel like gambling is a form of self harm. I used to enjoy it and until I stopped, I suppose I still did, for the first 30 mins and then regretted it but continued and when I lost, I’d spend more. I played online, on stupid mindless slots. It used to dull my mind, take my mind off things for that short while and make me worry about other things e.g - how am I going to get through this month with no money? But I assure you - that was a way better feeling than what was on my mind and what I was having flashbacks about at the time!
I can’t imagine spending the money in a betting shop, to me, online was like Monopoly money. Not real, but reality still came crashing down the next day, or when I went to bed and my heart was pounding so much because what I had done.
Recently it got worse, I got a loan, maxed 2 credit cards out and spent all my wages (which I got paid that day) I have a house, a life, a child which depends on me. What am I going to do?! The only thing that kept going round in my head was - “if you die, you have a pension and life insurance, you’re worth more dead” in reality I haven’t got myself into that much debt for death to be a solution but at that time - it was.
Luckily, my mum noticed my behaviour hadn’t been right, I was crashing and fortunately on my worst night she messaged & asked “you ok” this was the green light to say NO!!! It was either that or maybe I wouldn’t be here writing this. So I did, I woke my partner up at 3am & told him what I’d done and how I was feeling and my parents arranged a meeting with them at 6am that morning in which I told them EVERYTHING. Past, present and my uncertain future.
Fortunately, they have been SO supportive but I have disappointed everyone so much. I don’t know what is worse, admitting you have a gambling addiction or disappointing everyone you love. I have banned myself off all sites, put in a plan for my debts, spoke to gam care and been completely honest and transparent with the people I love.
I am in remission, I want to save, pay off my debts, get married & have a future and I WILL do that. But these nights when my partner goes to sleep and I’m still awake is hard. I’m still alone and I feel as if I’m fighting this battle alone although I know I have so many people around me, supporting me, I can’t expect them to be here at this time. I’m not in a dark place any more but it’s still hard to not feel the feelings I was, that I used to suppress with gambling.
If any of you manage to make it to the end of my story, thanks for reading and if you have ANY advice what to do at this time, please reply. I want to be better.
Well done ? You have made the best decision of your life telling everyone about everything- no more lies!
i am awake at 1am can’t sleep, alone, however what I do is come on here and read stories and blogs in the newcomer forums and feel the pain that is still raw! I am only a couple of month gf and I still wake up, but after reading the raw pain I re commit and say how good it feels to be still in debt but but but not making it worse / slowly debt coming down / plans for good things being paid for / friends starting to mean things again!
It reminds me Things never get better by gambling!
hope things work out and you read this in the morning after a good sleep ? keep posting
matt692
Dear Shelley, thank you for your post to the Gam Care Forum.
I am so sorry to hear you talk about everything that you have been through; it must have taken a lot of courage to write and post so honestly about your experiences that have brought you here today. I agree, it is often the early hours when we feel alone and we can't prevent our minds from working overtime, our internal dialogue playing over the events of our past and future, questioning our resolve.
I am so glad to hear that you have reached out, that you have spoken to family, to GamCare and are able to get the support that you so very much deserve. You've made some really positive first steps in to putting plans for the future in to place.
I wish you all the very best Shelley, and hope you can get some rest. Please do get in touch anytime.
Take care,
Forum Admin
Thank you so much for this response, I felt it was so genuine and kind.
I really appreciate it. ❤️
Hello,
Im Shelley, I’m in my 20’s. I have been gambling on and off for around 8 years, however recently I realised it had become a problem.
It started playing the penny slots..8 years ago and recently it got to a point where I could deposit £1000 in a night and still not win. Yes, I’ve had some good wins but not enough to save me getting into debt, a lot of debt.
I don’t go to sleep very easily, hence the topic subject. My mind works overtime when I’m on my own and it’s quiet. I have a busy life, a child, a partner and a full time job in which I feel I am very good at handling but when I’m on my own I crumble.
I also suffer with anxiety and depression (the depression part is hard to admit because 70% of the time it’s not there) however I am writing this post at 1am and my mind is working overtime.
Back to why I am here...so, apart from suffering from the above, I also got abused at a young age, I have been to counselling for this but had to cut it short due to work commitments - I feel like gambling is a form of self harm. I used to enjoy it and until I stopped, I suppose I still did, for the first 30 mins and then regretted it but continued and when I lost, I’d spend more. I played online, on stupid mindless slots. It used to dull my mind, take my mind off things for that short while and make me worry about other things e.g - how am I going to get through this month with no money? But I assure you - that was a way better feeling than what was on my mind and what I was having flashbacks about at the time!
I can’t imagine spending the money in a betting shop, to me, online was like Monopoly money. Not real, but reality still came crashing down the next day, or when I went to bed and my heart was pounding so much because what I had done.
Recently it got worse, I got a loan, maxed 2 credit cards out and spent all my wages (which I got paid that day) I have a house, a life, a child which depends on me. What am I going to do?! The only thing that kept going round in my head was - “if you die, you have a pension and life insurance, you’re worth more dead” in reality I haven’t got myself into that much debt for death to be a solution but at that time - it was.
Luckily, my mum noticed my behaviour hadn’t been right, I was crashing and fortunately on my worst night she messaged & asked “you ok” this was the green light to say NO!!! It was either that or maybe I wouldn’t be here writing this. So I did, I woke my partner up at 3am & told him what I’d done and how I was feeling and my parents arranged a meeting with them at 6am that morning in which I told them EVERYTHING. Past, present and my uncertain future.
Fortunately, they have been SO supportive but I have disappointed everyone so much. I don’t know what is worse, admitting you have a gambling addiction or disappointing everyone you love. I have banned myself off all sites, put in a plan for my debts, spoke to gam care and been completely honest and transparent with the people I love.
I am in remission, I want to save, pay off my debts, get married & have a future and I WILL do that. But these nights when my partner goes to sleep and I’m still awake is hard. I’m still alone and I feel as if I’m fighting this battle alone although I know I have so many people around me, supporting me, I can’t expect them to be here at this time. I’m not in a dark place any more but it’s still hard to not feel the feelings I was, that I used to suppress with gambling.
If any of you manage to make it to the end of my story, thanks for reading and if you have ANY advice what to do at this time, please reply. I want to be better.
Well done ? You have made the best decision of your life telling everyone about everything- no more lies!
i am awake at 1am can’t sleep, alone, however what I do is come on here and read stories and blogs in the newcomer forums and feel the pain that is still raw! I am only a couple of month gf and I still wake up, but after reading the raw pain I re commit and say how good it feels to be still in debt but but but not making it worse / slowly debt coming down / plans for good things being paid for / friends starting to mean things again!
It reminds me Things never get better by gambling!
hope things work out and you read this in the morning after a good sleep ? keep posting
matt692
Hi Matt,
Thankyou so much for replying.
After last night when I sat and wrote that message, I have been coming on here and also reading the forum and what other people in my situation are feeling and I suppose it doesn’t take away the loneliness but it does tell me I’m not the only one who’s in this situation and unfortunately there is a lot of people in worse situations. I also realised that maybe writing a diary at this time or how I’m feeling would help as writing this post really relieved how I was feeling, all the regret, guilt and shame.
I didn’t mention I have now been GF for 2 weeks today! Weirdly it feels like I’ve been GF a lot less time and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad however I have seen people post their daily’s GF stories which makes me believe that 2 weeks is pretty good going! I have also given my family access to my banking accounts so I know that they can check whenever they want and I really do not want to disappoint them again, I want to make them proud and show them that I can do this - That they can trust me again like they once did. I know they’ll always be that doubt in their mind but I have to accept that and take responsibility for that.
Today I’ve been shopping with my daughter, just “us” time, obviously she is oblivious to all of this but it was the first time in a long time I was buying things for us & not feeling regret or guilt - because I’m not getting into deeper debt and it felt great! Like mentioned before I am determined to do things that I want to do and going shopping like we did today was one of them!
Well done on you GF time of achievement, you should be proud! The sleep will hopefully come for both of us in time...
Again, I appreciate you replying to me.
Take care
S
Hi and welcome.
I am fairly new and I am 30 days gamble free so far!
I went complete cold turkey. I sat back broke down what I was essentially gambling on and realised how silly I am if I think I can beat basically a random number generator or pick 4 football match results.
I set a day counter in my phone and have set myself a target of one year no gambling. I come onto this forum to read through others posts and follow my progress on the 2019 challenge thread. I suggest you add yourself to it to track progress! Then you have a measure and accountability. Being honest, I haven’t had any weak moments yet, but seeing money I would have previous wasted is going a long way into keeping them at bay.
I find being honest is key. I think you’ve done the hardest part, now you just need to stay strong, set targets and keep honest. There will be weak moments, you’ll push on through and be glad!
Good luck!
Hi and welcome,
I echo the thoughts of others. Well done for getting on top of this at an early age. I’m in my 40s and today is day 259 gf for me after 20 years of gambling. I never imagined I could stop but now I’m in control....but what if I’d done it 20 years earlier?
You have a chance to regain control of your finances and more importantly your mental health.
Stay strong, look after yourself, get blocks in place and you can have a happier life. 🙂
Thankyou for all your replies! Just over too weeks and now my distraction is my wedding will hopefully be in 15 months ?
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