Hello everyone!
Thought I'd introduce myself & provide a brief bit about how I've landed here today!
I have gambled online (slots) for about 4 years. In Jan 20 my boyfriend of 10 years ended the relationship suddenly and I moved out into my own place, the first time I've ever lived alone!
My gambling slowly increased, my excuses to miss friend and family meetings were on the up, bills piled, lying to loved ones, lending money, reasoning with my finances got worse... I have landed in a deep dark hole. I became depressed and recluse. It's excessive, I do not stop until I win, when I win, the casino wins because they get it all back. It's never enough. I've won pretty decent amounts, and it all goes straight back in. I'll withdraw 80% gamble the rest away, then deposit again... One big fat circle.
I sit up until 12am on pay day and off I go! I have 6 casino accounts.
I have worked from home for 18 months, and every day I'll find a slot streamer and just watch them for hours and hours. It's obsessive. I then troddle off expecting to win like they do (which I already know won't happen!!)
I got paid Friday, and am already worrying about how I am going to eat next week. I have paid some bills e.g rent but the rest... Squandered away.
I am still in contact with my ex, surprisingly very good friends, he is aware to some extent of my problem with gambling, my best friend knows the full extent. I do not want my family to know.
My new house is half decorated because the money I should have spent doing that went to the casinos.
I work a second job on the weekends (which I originally picked up 8 months ago to earn gambling money) which now may as well not be there
Last night, it dawned on me. It was like a brick to the face... As I gambled away another fifty quid I couldnt afford i thought.. what on earth am I doing.
Summer is around the corner, I need clothes. My house is half done, it needs finishing. My best friend's birthday next month, I want to treat her.
So I tried to register with GamStop.. 3 times. They could not verify my identity. I gave up. Logged onto the GA Facebook support group and had a chat on there.
This evening I spoke with a lovely lady on chat who told me about a lot of positive tools. I now have GamBan on one of my phone's, I cannot install it on my work phone for some reason. I plan to call GamStop tomorrow to iron out the registration issues, I will join the chat at 8pm tomorrow night, I will try to find a new hobby to keep my occupied... Im done!
Not as easy as that though is it. I know close people on different recovery paths and it can be rocky. I feel strong now, but I know I'll regret doing this soon enough. I don't want to regret it, but I know i will. I plan to fight the regret and do this.. I know I want to, I hope I can.
Not so brief! Sorry guys.
A lot of honesty in this post and I respect that! I can feel and relate to the pain of not having money to eat and the circles of gambling, deposit/withdrawal/deposit again and again until you have debts.
it also looks like you have found a way of being organised and have made arrangements for better support.
myself I have been to physical GA meetings which can be found on gamblers anonymous.org with a search function to find one in your local area, that will help significantly for not feeling alone and hiding in ones shell and becoming much more social and wanting to meet up with family and friends again on top of helping put the gambling problem at bay too.
I wish you all the best
dave 101
Hi, I am sure you will beat this demon of gambling as it’s what you want to do & that is a hugely strong power to have!
I look forward to seeing your journey!
Speak again soon...
Thanks Dave101... I've been directed to meetings by a few now, I guess I'm just extremely nervous. You're right that it would alleviate my loneliness a little, I just have to build up the confidence to go. There is a local meeting Saturday, I'm hoping to attend! Thank you for your reply ?
SillyBoy1981, thank you for your encouragement! I'm more than sure I'll have moments of weakness and hate my decisions, but I won't hate them more than the one I make to gamble my life away. I feel strong now, so I'll strike while the iron is hot!
Hi there welcome! I also had Issues with gamstop but there is a way you can do this by emailing them documents. Good luck and keep going xx
Hi Rudge89
Thanks and well done for posting.
Very open and honest post and it's great to get these things out in the open and to process them.
I hope that you were able to contact Gamstop and get your self exclusion sorted out.
contact us on our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or on Netline at https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/, to speak one to one with an advisor, who can offer support and talk you through various options that can help. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so there is always someone that you can talk to.
Stay strong
Kirk
Forum admin
Go for it, it was the best thing I ever did in 2016. Good luck for Saturday ?
Update!
im 16 days gamble free, completing module two on CBT course provided by GamCare, have my second call with my practitioner tomorrow. GamBan active, self exclusion via GamStop now in place and I have attended a few online meetings, Gloucester Thursday evening too!
Still feel the strength, don't expect it to be like that everyday - infact, I know it one. one day at a time though
One day at a time.
keep it up rudge89
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