Hi,
I signed up today, to explore what support is available to try and do something positive for my self.
2 years ago I had never even played the lottery, never been in a bookies and definitely never even thought of going on a online gambling site. I had no interest what so ever ! I'm not a lucky person , I can't even win an argument !
Then one day a friend told me she'd won a grand on a popular bingo site and I signed up as a play mate to give it ago. I found the bingo side boring I never won a thing , then I saw the slot section and thought they were ace.. I won ...I was hooked.
At the time my mental health was declining and playing these games were a distraction and the flutters made me feel better. Very very quickly it became clear I played them too much. Over spending , going over my over draft. Taking out payday loans because I'd spent up week after pay day.
Nobody knew what was happening and the shame and guilt was all consuming. I'd spent everything my wages then the payday loan and was massively overdrawn getting charged from the bank. I asked my partner to lend me some money to get my bank back in the black and he was disgusted with me made me promise id never play on the site again, I had scared myself and did abstain ...for a while.
I had a mental breakdown last October and that triggered me to make the bad choice of gambling again. Because I was off work , on my own a lot and on a very self destructive path I was depositing ridiculous amounts a day, chasing a win.
Finally Friday last week, I deposited the last bit of money I had left and of course no win. But I was so ashamed of my self and angry too I couldn't tell my partner as he would break up with me. So I asked my mum for help, broke down and told her everything and she wasn't as mad with me as what I had convinced she would be. And I feel relief that I don't have to keep it to my self. My mum has struggled with gambling in the past , so she knows how bad it can get.
So here I am 3 days free ...again. But trying really hard to stay positive and busy.
Sorry for long post.
Your in the right place here I only signed up myself last week after years of struggling to stop and relapseing time and time again.
I find reading through people’s posts on diary journeys help. As well as like u say staying busy.
a lot of inspirational people have been on this site that posts have helped me the last 8 days.
Take it day by day you can do it!
good luck!
Thank you so much !
Yeah I have been reading every1 stories, thought provoking and inspiring.
Hey
Firstly well done for opening up, secondly don’t be giving yourself too much of a hard time. We are all here for the same reason, I was a 14 year addict, I started she 16 and now aged 31 have been clean 622 days. You have already done the hardest bit, admitting you need help, now begins the rest of your life.
keeping free of it can be a struggle yes I will admit that however if you make yourself accountable to others and open yourself a support network it does help. With regards to your partner, it isn’t easy for them to hear things like this more likely because they haven’t experienced it themselves. My fianceé was not impressed at all but she stood by and supported me once she got her head round it and even attended some of my counselling sessions.
Next thing for you is to decide what your next step will be and what sort of help you want to seek. This site is a great start, it isn’t absolutely brilliant, the people on here are great people and there are many on here with stories that will be of help to you.
Believe in yourself and stay strong, no one ever wins at gambling but everyone can be a winner at life.
Matty
Some of my words were predictive text lol. I meant to say this site IS BRILLIANT near the end of my reply to you.
Matty
Please ban yourself today from all UK based gambling sites.number one priority. Do it for max 5 years.do it today.now
Good luck .read through loads of advice and never gamble again
I have banned myself for 5 years with gamban and as soon as I had clicked 5 years and complete , I felt so relieved. It's so hard keeping up the sharrard.
Thank you for the supportive comments.
Hi
I use to escape in my fears to gambling due to the fact I was emotionally vulnerable.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.
My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.
During my time Gambling I became less and less effective in my family time.
Sadly with every fear due to my addictions I put distance between myself and my family.
The gambling was an indication I was escaping in my fears people life situation I could not cope with.
Today I do not fee having money on me, I do not fear the telephone, I do not fear the post, I do not fear strangers coming to the front door, I do not fear trying to take on new challenges.
Recovery is far easier because I have exchanged most unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
I was a very unhealthy person walking in to the recovery program.
The instant I use to say to myself oh who cares any way was the instant I was giving up faith and hope in myself.
All the time I was putting time and effort in to my recovery I was going to be the beneficiary.
I am no longer the victim, I am no longer the perpetrator, I am no longer the rescuer.
As our fears fade our trust grows, once we heal that hurt inner child our inner child comes out to play.
As our fears fade when we no longer fear rejection or abandonment, we no longer fear failure, we no longer fear being our self.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
I have banned myself for 5 years with gamban and as soon as I had clicked 5 years and complete , I felt so relieved. It's so hard keeping up the sharrard.
Thank you for the supportive comments.
Great work. Now keep moving forward. Onwards and upwards. The future is yours. Other generic positive comments. lol
Seriously....don't dwell on the past. Your new life started when you clicked.
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