let me start by introducing myself my names Anthony 34 from middlesbrough.
I have joined this site hoping to find help with gambling. Over the years of gambling I have never seen it as a problem as I was betting for fun. Now I’m finding myself doing it as a habit. The main thing I am gambling on is football, I was betting everyday on any football that was on it starts off as a £20 bet once that looses it turns to £40 and so on and so on...it got to the point I was betting my full wage away and having to borrow money or even look at getting a loan. Once I had payed my debt back I was using betting to try and get that money back (never happened) this started to cause problems at home as I was borrowing money to pay the bills. My partner was unaware of what was happening untill recently I came out and told her everything. I was struggling to sleep at night worrying if I could get the money for bills. I was becoming snappy with the kids for this reason. It’s been 2 weeks since I have placed a bet but I still have the feeling that I want to. I have banned my self from any betting site possible on a National database. My partner is been really supportive with this but she has lost all trust in me as I have been hiding this for 3 years now, she wants to take full control of my banking to gain trust back but I’m not happy with that as I feel like I’m been treat like a child (understandable on her side)
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated
Hi Anthony i am guessing you self excluded with gamstop as that self excludes from sites.
I can see why your wife wants financial control but also can understand why you must feel frustrated at this. It would be good if she could take control and give you like 'pocket money' many others have found this very helpful in their recovery dont see it ad being treated as a child, see it as you taking responsibility and action by handing the finances over.
However alternativly you could contact your bank as many offer gambling blocks on your cards and accounts. Also if you contact gamcare they will give you a free link to put on your devices to block you from accessing sites. You could also agree to let her have access to your account or give her monthly statements as from her point of view shes going to be worried and will need reassurance now the trust has been broken.
Well done for taking the first steps takes courage to post your story and get the blocks.
I also recommend stepchange if you are in any trouble with debts
And gamcare do a course called gamechange online which is modules you follow to change your thinking around gambling which i found usefull.
Welcome to the site
thanks for the reply. Yeah I used gamstop ive also installed Gamban onto my phone so I can not access any site.I will be contacting my bank and putting a block to any gambling site.I have said to my partner that I will give her monthly statements on my banking I just don’t feel comfortable giving her total access to my banking my finances are pretty much in place it was just when I was betting I was borrowing money or looking at loans
thanks a lot for this advice 😌
@tony1384 I have a couple of sayings that might help, or might put some perception on your situation.
The first is A hobby becomes a habit becomes a problem. Your gambling has gone from fun to a habit and sounds like it's on it's way to being a problem. You've done the right things so far but if there's any help you can get which will help it not become a full problem then please be aware of those things. Gamcare, Gamstop, gamblers anonymous, blocks, treatment, honesty, all these things can help. Some you are doing, some you might like to consider.
The second is turning the giving over of money thought process around to help it fit your mindset. Your wife wants full control of the money to gain trust back, which you understand, but you're reluctant because it's treating you like a child? How's that worked out for you so far? How about this instead. You aren't being treated like a child, you're being treated like a problem gambler? She doesn't have full control, she just stops your access to the one thing you need to gamble. Instead of complaining, I'd be saying thank you for staying with me and I'm grateful for the support. When I gave away my access to money, we sat down together and paid the bills together, moved money to this and that account together, and my wife had peace of mind that I couldn't gamble. For our partners who we have hurt, one of the biggest hurts we cause is the lies and dishonesty. Let her regain hers in you.
Great read , I am in a similar situation having relapsed consistently. I now have small amount of spending money which is enabling me to live a life and forget about gambling .
it is early days for you and each day is progress , my progress is determined by routine and settling into a spending routine which i involve other people to assist with . I think the more people who can be involved the better and no better person then wives / girlfriends. We’re same age mate so if you need to chat drop me a message always up for sharing experiences
Thanks for your reply.
I am putting other things in place to stop my betting. I have signed up to meetings and I’m getting my bank account blocked to any gambling site. I have said to my partner I will give her my statement each month and so far she is happy with that so far. But if it does come down to the only way she will trust me again is by handing my account over then that’s what I will do
cheers mate. Yeah it is early days and this nearly cost me my partner and kids so atm I am willing to do anything to get over this betting addiction. I work away a lot and that’s why I have been betting so much as I thought she would not notice. But then I started to bet the same when I got home and that’s when it started all the problems