This is my first time on the website and forum.
I am a compulsive gambler and have gambled hundreds of thousands of pounds over 10 years. Ive left myself distraught and currently not eating as have a feeling in the pit of my stomache. I just cant seem to stop. Even when I win I have a break for a week and then im back until I lose it all.
I have come to the realisation that this has to stop. I have blocked myself from all gambling websites, yet am just filled with fear now about my wife finding out and also how I am going to pay my bills.
I hope it gets easier but It looks pretty bleak and have never felt this low.
Firstly it is really good that you have reached out and posted on here, well done. I know things seem bleak but you have taken the first step and every year thousands of people deal with their compulsive gambling and debts and come through to a better life, it is achievable and it really does get easier as people on this forum will testify.
If you haven't done already please do contact either our HelpLine 08080 8020 133 or NetLine, both are free and open 24/7 for support, advice and help. We can let you know of a variety of tools to support your recovery and refer you for free one to one local treatment (face to face, phone or online), if you would like. We can also give you numbers of organisations that help you with debt repayment and maybe you could get support in terms of talking to your wife.
Gambling has clearly led to you feeling very low, please know there is lots of free help and support available. If you are feeling actively suicidal, please call 999 or go to A&E . Also please consider calling the Samaritans on 116 123.
Take care and wishing you all the best
Hi Adam and welcome to the forum.
Now you have started the realisation that it has to stop and you must take direct action quickly.
You can stop when you are truly ready but it takes a born again moment and proper recovery. Secrets are no good for you and that is part of the preparation for strong foundations at square one. Honesty and openness with everyone you trust is key to this.
You know that is not really a get it back later scheme. If you carry on gambling you will do the same again over future years. Let it go...its not for you and you dont need it in your life.
Its not the answer to what you are seeking whether that be escape or money,. You sound highly addicted and once addicted its past the point of any reason or control.
You need to focus now. Dont fear your wife....fear what you have done and hold a humility and respect for an addiction that totally overcame you. Powerless under its control you now need to learn what you are dealing with and who you actually are.
They werent offering you anything but the drug of escape or the dopamine of chance and you became hooked. You need to be living on a sandwich allowance to save any quality of life.
Are you ready. Thats what you need to ask yourself and the first steps of telling your wife should come naturally. Whats worse.... the truth or an addiction that kills people?
When you tell the truth you can get help. Of course people will be shocked...you have been living in a world of delusion....try and explain a gambling session to me and it will sound like a story about aliens in your garden...its all deluded nonsense and Ive been there.
Get yourself to a GA meeting because you need to see others as reflections of your past, present and future self if you had carried on.
When you face reality your life will fall into place. The money has gone...it was only money...you are still with us and have time to lead a healthy productive life
Best wishes from everyone on the forum