New member - realising I’ve a problem

You have to ban yourself mate - I'm exactly like you and its the only way.  Online and bookies self-excluding.  Logically, if you think about it, the only reason all of us don't self-exclude is because we still want the opportunity to gamble. That's the truth of it and we can't be trusted so while you are in a strong moment you have to step in and do it quick!!

Good luck mate as it won't be easy and its a long long road with plenty of potholes to trip up on the way.

You’re completely right I have one account still open at the minute and all I keep thinking is “I can get myself out of this” I got in so deep yesterday I need to do something is the thought running through my head. So in short today I’m really struggling.

Hi Makk, the worst bit is admitting that you have a problem so well done. I know it hurts that you hurt your wife and there is only one way to build bridges with her , if you have promised no more gambling then you have to follow through with that and rebuild her trust in you. It will take time and she may never fully trust you again but I don't think that that is a bad thing compulsive gambling is a lifelong addiction and loved ones need to be always cautious as when you read stories on here destruction from gambling can be a lot of money over a short period of time. I'm sure it is sinking in with you now that compulsive gambling is not really about money it's much bigger than that and people lose things much more than money, relationships,jobs,homes, sanity things you can't put a price on. I'm 4+ months gamble free and life is better I'm happier,calmer, living an altogether cleaner life ,no lying,cheating,deception. Will my marriage survive I'm still not sure, I am being selfish still in one area and that is my recovery I want my husband to come along with me but if he doesn't I will go forward without him. I'm trying to keep " am I now doing the right thing " at the heart of my recovery and if I believe I'm doing my best that's the only way I can make amends. I read you're a proud man, but don't be too proud to accept help. As mickpa said you have to make your first big step all self excluding from everything, online,bookies,casinos whatever your poison is. If you leave any access open it will get in your head sometime so block everything. Would you consider turning finances to your wife or total transparency gives her more security and you accountability. Lack of access, lack of money gives your mind space away from gambling, you will get urges but with these things in place they will gradually become more short-lived. Unfortunately these things are not cures they are good tools for you to use to abstain from gambling the recovery comes with healing your mind, this is where my concern is when you say you are a proud man. Would you accept help? Counselling? Attending GA meetings? I've done both and it is GA that is really helping me move forward, I'm 54years old now I had a20 year history with gambling and I do not intend to give another second to it. I had a GA meeting last night there were 3new people we are not alone in this, give it a try, being with other compulsive gamblers is enlightening and I learn something every week it's truly humbling. This forum was my life saver when I first stopped gambling and I log on every day read a lot and every day I am moved by someone's story. I wish you well and I hope you find your own way into your personal way of recovery

Thanks guys for your responses. I have been on with the GamCare advisors from 8am and it is now 11:40am. Today I am alone in the home as I’m self isolating until Sunday. My wife is working. All I can think of is to gamble and get what I lost yday back into my account. 

As you all know this then leads to anxiety and irrational thoughts on gambling (impulsiveness) however I won’t be defeated at my first hurdle. I have a good life and it will be completely decimated if I continue the road I’m on. I appreciate the words of advice guys you have no idea. I have downloaded an app called “betblocker” which blocks all bets for over a year. Today is the first step. Please continue to support me. 

thank you 

Well done Makk. I know it's not easy, in the beginning I had spells where I felt dreadful anxiety off the scale but truthfully I'm less anxious now than I have been for years. Your brain is trying to get its "fix" trying the "c'mon we can win big trick" do you know what happens to compulsive gamblers who win big they lose it all again and more !! My biggest win was £5k within 3days id lost it all again plus another1k it's all a very nasty illusion and the destruction carries on. Try to distract yourself read? Exercise? Clean the house a nice thing for your wife? Anything that distracts your mind, further away from gambling you get the easier it gets at the moment I bet your mind is chaotic and you crave the trance that gambling puts you in. I know I understand, but I value what goes on in my mind now much more than when I was gambling!! Betblocker good start I use gamstop others use gamban some people use all to block every avenue, leave a door open now the temptation will overwhelm you eventually

So I nearly fell at the first hurdle... I looked at an even money bet, to get a out of a money hole.. I deposited money into an account after I didn’t set up the exclusion right... and... I didn’t bet I withdrew it and put it back into my account. I closed everything completely. It sounds repetitive and corny but all I could think of was my wife’s face before I hit the bet button and I’m proud to say it worked. I love my wife and kids and I’m not prepared to take a gamble on their love anymore. 

I began a journal in my attempts to document my thoughts and feelings ( this was very weird ) as if never done anything like. I have come from a broken home in childhood and can see the devastation that addiction brings.. I should know better. I will beat this. Not for me. But for my wife and family. They mean everything. I can do this.