Hi im 37 years old and been gambling for about the last 15 years, all on football as i come from that background.
To date ive amassed over 60k in debt, not all in my name and two days ago told my wife everything.
Ive self excluded from all sites and given my wife access to my bank account for 2 reasons, to give total disclosure of my problem and act as a deterrent to gambling again.
My whole ethos was id gamble and be totally convinved that i could turn £20 into 2k and more through inplay betting and eventually clear my debt.
What acually happened was i ended up with multiple payday loans, maxed credit cards and maxed out my wifes credit cards.
I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself and the reason i came clean was i found myself googling wether the life insurance would payout or not if i ended it all.
Thankfully i made a descision to come clean for the sake of my wife and kids and have started the long road to recovery. Ive been in contact with step change and started to deal with the huge debt, i feel i will need help along the line and need to find some help for my wife, thats why ive joined here.
7 days so far and no urges but i know they will raise there head again and im sure i will need help to deal with them.
What do i do now and how do i cope ? How can i help my wife ?
Thanks C.
Hi Cpool,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and story. Well done for starting the journey to recovery, sounds like you've made some real positive steps. Please feel free to contact the helpline or Netline for further support and advice 08088020133.
Many thanks,
Forum Admin
Welcome to the forum Cpool,
Its good to read that you have told your wife, i hope everything. I found telling people lifted a massive weight off. Getting it all out gave me the chance to "reset" my relationships with people and myself. It was the basis of my recovery. My starting point. It took me over a decade of hurt from addiction. Addiction makes us feel worthless, recovery humbles us into seeing what we are and what we really need and who we love.
It all begins with accepting that we won't beat gambling and we have to write off what has gone. A painful reminder of which follows us left with debt for my months/years after we choose to stop, but its not the money we crave. Why do you gamble? Whats missing in you? What does gambling fill in your life/charactor? To the non-addict our addiction cries only as loud as our losses but addiction is not a financial problem. Money is merely our method of using and after so long risking so much, the amounts become just numbers and the stakes and losses increase very quickly.
So what else can you do?
Gamstop blocks UK sites (all my gambling was also online).
Hand over finances. I know you said your wife has access but how much money do you really NEED to be able to get hold of at any one time? I lived without my bank and credit cards for about 3 months and learned that i was way too worried by thinking i always need more than i do on me. I still often leave my wallet at home after what will be 19 months GF tomorrow.
Arrange counselling. This one is advice for both of you, individually. I get a lot from this, just talking it out and understanding what i was doing and why. Your wife needs to learn about addiction and how to help herself and protect your family from further financial damage (though this is something you have to do for yourself ultimatly).
Keep posting here. People will offer support (though it has been slower on here since the site change over).
You have to want this for yourself. Do what you have to do to stop yourself and work on recovery to make the future easier. Its not easy, i still have bad days but im still working on myself. Our default is to turn bad to addiction and thats a hard habbit to break. There is a better future but you have to change and go get it.
All the best.
Hi sjw
Thank tou so much for your kind words and advice, counselling is my next step.
The hardest thing for me at the moment is looking my wife in the eye after what ive done and hugging my kids knowing ive made the next few years extremely difficult financially.
Ive signed upto gamstop and will just take it one day at a time.
I will deffo check in here most days for help and support.
Thanks again c
You're doing a good thing. Well done for being honest and taking steps to change.
Have a read around the site and take strength from those who were exactly where you are now, not so long ago ourselves.
Sorry we're all "meeting" in these circumstances, but together we can get on top of things.
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