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New member hoping to get my life back on track  

 
Tomt109
(@tomt109)

hi I am Tom and have gambled to excess for a number of years now I have finally got the ambition and drive to beat this demon and take control of my life this all came to light when my fiancée of 12 years finally caught me out she let me back to the house once I explained what was going on but I do not think she new how to deal with the situation and I was under the illusion that I could beat it cold turkey I was wrong I did it again knowing what I stood to loose needless to say she caught me again and has left me.

I love her and my children more than anything and have put measures in place to stop me doing it again, Gamstop etc 

i fear it is too late to try and fix the damage I have caused to my family and I cannot blame them she cannot continue her life constantly worried about what Ime up too I just don’t know how to deal with this now do I just let her go do I give her space and time or do I fight for my family

the shame and disgust I had in my self led me to become something I am not a liar the lies I told made her feel like she was a bad person how could I have become this person that treats the only people that could ever mean so much to me that way  

I could not bear to disappoint them again and telling my daughter that daddy will not be living with her anymore was the worst pain I have ever felt 

 the truth is that if  I had not lost the one true thing I love Ime not sure I would of changed the very day after I had achieved a crazy amount goals as I needed something to direct my pain into I may never be able gain the trust of my family back but I can show them that I can pick myself up from rock bottom and be more than the person I have portrayed 

i am struggling with sleep and appetite but I am hoping that will ease with time 

i am optimistic that I will succeed in gambling I want to do it for myself and I need to do it to provide a stable life for my kids 

has anyone been in a similar situation? And what helped? 

Thank you for you’re time 

This topic was modified 1 month ago by Tomt109
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Posted : 3rd July 2020 7:55 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Hi Tom, i joined on here 3 weeks ago when my gambling was found out by my wife. I had kept it a secret for 5 years and lost a big amount but when i was found out it was a relief for me even though it destroyed my wife. On the next day i went on a live chat and arranged for counselling. I registered with gamstop and put gamban on my phone. Fortunately i have had support from my wife and kids, i say kids but they are in their 20s. I have now had 2 counselling sessions and feeling positive i can beat this evil habit. I would recommend getting the help from gamcare counselling. What amazed me when i came on here was how many of us are dealing with this thing and by getting support from people and trying to fill your time with other things will help. My wife has cancelled my cards and changed passwords for our bank account so i can't  access any money and today is day 22 since i last gambled. Stay strong and reach out for support, i found talking about it with a stranger by which i mean my counsellor really helps me to process what i have done. Ask yourself why you are doing this as my motivation foolishly was to keep going to win back what i had lost without being found out so that has now been taken away. Hope this helps 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd July 2020 10:55 pm
Tomt109
(@tomt109)

Thank you for sharing that with me  I think my main reason for gambling was the same and as absolutely stark raving mad as it sounds was because I wanted to be able to pay for a holiday or treat my family and put a big down payment on the wedding and then it just ended up trying to get enough money back to get me through the month I could of paid for all of those things and more twice over the day she found out was a weight of my shoulders too which sounds so bad as the pain she is going through is soul destroying but I knew that would be the start of my recovery I don’t think she can forgive me and I don’t think she will ever understand as she has a lot of self control I thought I could do it alone but I was wrong ( women are all ways right ) reading through these is helping me it’s shocking to see how many people are going through the same situations I just hope I can get back on track and give my family the support they deserve 

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Posted : 3rd July 2020 11:48 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Sounds exactly the same, i have wrecked 30 years of marriage but my wife has been amazing with her support. Please get all the help you can from gamcare as they have been amazing with me. Today is the start of day 23 for me and i picked up this thought from another post that every morning try and think of the positives of getting through another day without gambling. I am under no illusion that i will have this for the rest of my life but each day gamble free feels so good now. I used to take cool off periods from sites but was always counting the days until i could bet again, now i am counting the days gamble free with no urge to start again. Stay positive and get the help you need

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Posted : 4th July 2020 8:12 am
Tomt109
(@tomt109)

Thank you I will definitely try and stay positive I am glad to hear you had the support of your wife that must of been a big help this is still quite fresh for mine but I think her support would help a lot she is not ready to talk to me as a person unless it is for the kids and to be honest I don’t think I could put her through anymore I have told my family for clarity but I think I need to sort this for myself before I evaluate if it is fair for me to fight for my family back 

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Posted : 4th July 2020 12:44 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Good luck its the old cliche of one day at a time. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th July 2020 1:51 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey guys.losing the money is quick the fallout is immense and prolonged. I'm day 30 gamble free and am thankful for each day. Like both of you I was found out and the fallout has been huge, but I'm happy to be getting back to the person I used to be . The words compulsive gambler also means compulsive liar cheater deceiver etc list is enormous. I didn't really want to be any of those things but it was a cycle I couldn't seem to stop. I could sit here right now and justify my behaviour stress pain etc. It's very hard because you don't want to blame other people but I do still feel that things triggered me . Unfortunately some of those triggers are still very active so I'm left with trying to find things to fill the gaps. Because I tell you 110% I cannot go back to the hell of compulsive gambling. Best wishes guys

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Posted : 4th July 2020 1:53 pm
Tomt109
(@tomt109)

Thank you I shall keep you all up dated on my progress or failings I wish you all the strength to succeed in your goals it feels good to speak too you all without judgement thank you 

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Posted : 4th July 2020 2:06 pm
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