New again

Hello @frankied, and welcome back to the Forum.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I am sorry to hear how you have been affected by the roller-coaster of ups and downs in your gambling and how this has impacted you recently, it sounds like it has been progressive over the last 18 months, gradually escalating into chasing your losses. Many problem gamblers experience the same and you are not alone. 

It sounds like at times you have made decisions that allowed you to gain control or even stop gambling, and although you have experienced a lapse which must be frustrating, It is important to hold on to the fact that you have had long periods of being gamble free before, such an accomplishment which can be achieved again. It is great that you have a financial plan going forward, and looking at further practical tools to implement can help you. 

If you haven’t already spoken with our Advisers, I would encourage you to do so as we want to discuss with you the options open to you and ensure that you have everything that you need to help you reach your goals and aid your recovery. You can use the netline or call the helpline on 0808 8020 133, we are here 24/7.

Keep posting and sharing

Regards

Dan

Forum Admin

Posted by: FrankieD

Hi everyone 

I joined this site around 4 years ago when my habit got destructive. 

I lost a lot of cash on slots and most of it on a few credit cardsover a 3 year period. 

I'd say 75 % of the total loss was in a crazy few weeks just before Gamstop came on line. 

Signed up immediately and never looked back until non gamstop sites appeared. 

Was within 8 months of repaying all I owed but that's now turned into 18 months as small bets from 12 months ago slowly escalated into large ones chasing losses. 

I poked my phone until 2am this morning until maxed out one of 2 cards and had the usual rotten sleep/sleeplessness and tired and a bit melancholy now. 

Dusted myself down this morning re jigged my debtors list/repayment plan and waiting for gamban to send me a link to set that up as all I use is my phone. 

Its not a matter of resist the temptation now for a while but more horror over the 10k I have whizzed away since lockdown 1 and fear of failure as one more big spend and I would be in real difficulty both financially and mentally. Partner and son don't know and it will remain that way as luckily I'm not badly paid and half my monthly salary goes into a joint account which covers everything. 

My leftover salary though is now reduced by about 80% as the bulk repaying my foolishness now until July 2022.

I can do the days and all ways feel better with the passage of time it's now today looking at the wasted and unreturnable cash I work hard for that is difficult to get past.

It has to be let go I know but for tonight wallowing. 

There. Off my chest. 

f

Sorry to hear it mate. Sounds awful and it sounds like you have come to the reality of how it has impacted you for the medium-term. Welcome back to the forum and we are all here to support. We have good and bad days throughout recovery but I know this forum has helped me stay clean especially on my most urging todays. I come on here and my urge to gamble goes away - thanks to everybody sharing their experiences. It’s great to hear you have your finances sorted but to stop it being past July 2022 (which will come round quicker than you think) just find ways to not gamble. Also nobody ever stayed gamble-free by thinking about the money lost or thinking with a monetary mind. Just remember how you felt during the bad times of losing and remember even if you win, to gamble is to lose. Every single time. Starts with £10 but it will escalate and damage everything you have worked hard towards. You have heard it all before I am sure! I had been in this vicious dangerous cycle since February 2009 with lots of different partners, friends, family members bailing me out time after time. I have like 2 friends left due to damaging so many relationships... And still yes; one loan still remains with a bank, only 6k left and after that I will be ‘gamble-debt’ free. It was a never-ending road at one point but like you, it will all be okay. One day at a time mate.

Let us know how you are feeling, anything to support each other 🙂 take care, Beat

Hi Beat/Forum admin

I'm very grateful you have taken the time to post a reply. 

I had increasingly been reading the forum recently but had forgotten how beneficial it was to write it all down to get it out and even more so receive kind and useful responses too. 

It makes the situation much more real and manageable in the absence of being able to discuss/work it through at home. 

I have considered speaking with my other half but unless I absolutely have too I won't and I have a friend who knows but lockdown has thwarted our meet ups for the moment. 

I'm working today and tomorrow so can't write as much as I would like but it is really strengthening and beneficial to read focused sage comments on one's own problems and helps massively. 

I'm putting all my willpower into this now as stopped completely for 2 plus years and when money wasn't as tight and my karma was totally restored through not gambling ironically I gave it a go again one relaxed Friday night when the wife was out with a glass of wine in hand and 12 months later the insidious nature and progressive losses return you to your right mind really. That it is a dreadful addiction and destructive in so many ways. 

Day at a time and today is much better than yesterday and experience has taught me that feeling just grows. 

Many thanks again 

Frank

Hey Frank, how are you today? Feeling better? One day at a time and accepting the funds and dreams of that ‘big win’ are all gone and in the past. Because the funds were always going to be lost and the big win was never going to remain a big win as gambling only ever ends in loss. 

To gamble is to lose. 

Have you spoke to your partner? When my partner got with me who is now my wife always knew I had an issue but I passed it off as a bit of a laugh when in truth it was a problem that was controlling my life. With time I opened up about how serious it got so she could properly help me emotionally and financially. It has it’s benefits emotionally, I would highly consider it but of course I don’t know the ins and outs of your personal situation.

All the best, keep us updated mate

Beat

Hi frank,

Looks like ur in the place where its still raw and u definitely won't gamble.  This period will end eventually and thoughts of gambling will appear again and u will replace thoughts of how destructive gambling is with misguided thoughts of the highs u once in a while gained.

Whether it be when sitting on ur couch when the wife goes out and an ad on the TV pops up, out with friends in town and one wants to pop in a casino or even walking past a bookie with a bit of cash in ur pocket.

With this in mind prepare for this time thru blocks.  GameStop, sense and bookies exclusion will help no end when the urges come back.

Then if like me u want to stop fruit machines in pubs then don't take cards out at first and just have a bit of cash in pocket for what u need.

For me its worked and really helped at times.  Adam 446 days gamble free.

U prob heard of the gambling triangle, money, time and locaction? Take one away and u can't gamble.... I just take the cash away no money can't gamble....  Maybe once ur thru the 2022 and have paid it all back look to transfer all ur wages to ur joint account then save for retirement or invest with it?  If its not disposable and not in your current account then you won't waste it.  

As a gambler we are actually great at saving when not gambling as we are used to spending all our money on gambling and not treating ourselves? Am I right?

Good luck adam

Hi Adam/Beat

I'm fine thanks. 

Worked Friday and Saturday and up at 7am this morning and out on bikes with ptr and son and not long home so done in now. 

Ptr who is younger than me now gone out for a run!

Whereas I hopped on the sofa and logged on here and saw your messages. 

It really does help. 

I was never really after  a BIG win though how nice that may have been. 

I often tripled what I deposited and withdrew it only for it to sit in withdraw a few days and then cancel it and blow it in a mad hour.

I never minded losing winnings either. It was when I ate into my initial deposit I became crazy to get it back losing deposit after deposit in rapid time. 

Even though its only been a few days calm is being restored and today's lovely weather has improved everything too. 

Just need the kids back at school and the pubs open for a friends meet up and Sunday dinner out now. 

I haven't told my other half. She's sensible and a little money conscious and it would definitely impact negatively on us for ages so if I can continue as I am namely gambled free then I know for me anyway it's the better situation for us. 

When I signed up for gamstop I completely became urge less to gamble as I couldn't but these d**n non gamstop sites are growing and it was seeing one after over 2 years GF that hooked me back in.

Gamban will sort that out though and I can relax again. 

I'm not young and will be looking to retire in a few years and the fact I will no longer be earning but on a pension scares me into stopping gambling which is why I'm going to try and pay off all my debts before I stop earning. 

I have never left us without food utility bill money or not paid anything house and child related monthly before gambling. All I have wrecked is an inability to save any money as I head towards a time when savings would be a real mental and financial of course cushion. 

If I had so much money it didn't matter what I lost I don't know whether I would continue gambling or not. 

The adrenaline kick of it makes me feel ill. Stabbing ur finger for hours against your phone is dull in itself and I would rather read, cook, talk, gym or cycle in fact pretty much anything genuinely is more interesting and healthy too. 

I am not going to visit a Councillor or anything to find out why I do it and can only think it is the lure of money as much as anything else. 

There have been so many times over the last few years that I had won much more by a press of the finger than I was going to earn the following day by working for 8 hours. 

Trouble is I usually have never benefitted from a win as I want to treble it quadruple it 10 times it... and before I know it the money counter is zero needing a top up. 

I'm mixed up with it really but know for sure life is better in every possible way without it. 

Calmer, more time, more interested in life. 

When I was in the midst of a session if I could not get alone to continue I used to get short tempered or impatient. 

As Brian Adams sings '.. even food don't taste that good!' 

It ruins everything and it's such a lonely single minded at the exclusion of everything else thing to do. 

It can only be as money is important so winning money kicks off the chemicals in your brain. 

I don't know but a day at a time working and filling that time with more interesting and cheaper things to achieve really is preferable in every way and makes me feel more.. Well wholesome really. 

I'm very grateful for your kind and useful responses and I shall read them again but will have to go as the runner will be back imminently and I have to cook tea. 

Cheers 

Frank

Hello everyone 

It will be 7 days GF in about 7 hours. 

Its Nothing I know really as have completed a 2 year GF run which I can't recall thinking about any urges etc it was just a lot like normal life. 

Fancied a go today not so strong I couldn't distract myself but this time is a different animal from stopping last time. 

Last time was quite easy as I was so distraught in all the lost cash. 

Older and wiser I know you still 'get by' so having to think it through more this time. 

Boredom and thrill seeking definitely part of it. 

Payday on Friday and first £xxx payment of debt in this repay plan leaves my account.

V tempting to try and double it but hopefully won't and will stick to plan.

Its hard though...

Dear @frankied,

It’s great to hear that you are now very nearly 7 days gamble free. It sounds like it’s tough for you right now, but that 7 days is such an achievement, you have every right to be proud that you have got that far.

The road to recovery can be rocky and it’s definitely one day at a time but the days will soon add up as you move away from gambling.

There are times when recovery can be overwhelming, it might be that pay day is looming or that an urge is a little stronger on particular day, but please know that we are here to help and support at those difficult times.

Please don’t be alone with this, you can use the helpline or netline just to check-in with us and to let us know how you are getting on, or to chat about urges and ideas on how to not react to them. It might be good if you call us when you know that your pay goes into your account and we can talk with you about that.

Kind regards

Jo

Forum Admin

Hi

Not posted for a while.

Still got gambling on my mind during inactive periods of my day but partially boredom I think.

Definitely have more available money but that's inevitable when not flushing it away on a daily basis.

Less fretful if not cashing in and out daily and promotes greater calm. The intense up and down of wins and more usually losses does completely unsettle everything.

Partner out running and have available cash and Gamban fell off my phone again so despite 5 years gamstop could indulge. But don't want to go back into that dark pit for a quick rush whether win or lose. 

I downloaded Gamban but every couple of days it just automatically reverted the VPN to off so gave up on it. 

Don't know when this uncertain feeling of will I or won't I relapse will pass but as the GF days slowly accumulate and the e mails and letters and issues with finance sources (bank/credit cards etc) get less frequent it makes it harder to want to go back to those dark days so that will have to do for now. 

Perhaps like a long term but ex smoker it it never completely goes but you just live with it as the alternative is much worse. 

Beautiful sunny day so family walk this afternoon which is a 1000 x more of a rush than watching your hard earned spin away to someone else. 

Take care and continued abstinence hopes for everyone on this truly great and helpful site. 

Frank