My thoughts.

My name is Chris and I'm a compulsive gambler.

I've been feeling a bit down recently, many small things which don't really matter that much, but for me they've been building up like one big wave that feels it's about to come crashing down, each tiny problem a tiny wave adding to the overall size of the problem.

Anyway, I heard this below from an episode of Elementary. Sherlock, the main character, a drug addict, is explaining how he is feeling, and I identified with it immediately.

Sherlock
"I've been feeling a little bit down of late, it's the process of maintaining my sobriety, its repetitive, it's relentless, and above all it's tedious.
Two years in I find myself asking, is this it? My sobriety is simply a grind. It's this leaky tap which needs constant maintenance, and in return offers only not to drip.
I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama, now I think if I were to use drugs again it would be an anticlimax, it would be a surrender to the incessant drip drip drip of existence."

Swap drugs for gambling and two years for two and a half years, that's exactly how I feel right now. I know it will pass, I also know that being able to share how I'm feeling helps to take the power out of problem. Gambling isn't the problem, I'm the problem and gambling is the symptom. I can sit with this until it passes because it will.
I have relapsed before and I don't want that again.
I've sat with worse feelings since my last relapse and they passed, and so will this.

I thought it might help someone else currently sitting with a problem, letting it pass. You're not alone.

Chris.