Hi,
Thanks for taking time to read this.
I've been gambling since mid 2017, and it exploded into real-life at new year when my wife and family discovered the extent of my associated debts.
This has led to a great deal of pain and my leaving the family home, and my young children.
The pain I feel is indescribable - the pain of knowing what I did, the guilt, the repercussions for all the people involved, regret, sadness, shame, fear. All of those are self-centered but I'm getting help with the debts and to deal with the obvious anxiety and depression that I've kept hidden under the surface for a number of years - likely before this even started.
I gambled a couple of time many years ago, and stopped as quickly as I began, perhaps over 3 days and a half dozen bets. I think I probably lost some money and knew that it was a stupid and needless thing to do. Then, in 2017, due to personal circumstances I started again and quickly became addicted (I think I can say that now) and every time I placed a bet I told myself if it lost it would be the last.
Things snowballed and so did debts: credit cards, loans. So too did the lies, to myself and family. Before I knew it things had gotten so bad that I almost told myself that one more bet wouldnt make it any worse - I was probably on a self destructive path.
What I didnt think of was those around me, or I did but almost lived my life like it was someone elses body and life.
I'm getting help with the debts and trying to get my life back on track. It's one of a number of issues I need to resolve, but I dont feel any urge to gamble - maybe thats not having the opportunity (read cash) or finally an understand of the harm it is/was causing. I hope the latter.
I've attended a few GA meetings, and had alot of chats on helplines.
I hope I can continue to recover my life.
Thanks for listening.
Dear @hertsc,
Thank you for taking the time to post, we welcome you to the forum and to our supportive community.
Things sound extremely painful and difficult for you and your Family. It's good to hear you are getting help with the debt, the anxiety and depression.
Have you seen your GP so they can give you support with everything you've been through and with how you're feeling? If not, would you feel able to make an appointment with your GP so they can give you some extra support and advice?
There are also mental health helplines that you can call to discuss things with, I've added some links for you below which you can access for further details.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/
It's great to hear you've had many chats on our helpline, please continue to keep using this one on one support if and when you need it.
You may also find our live chat room helpful too, you can access it on our GamCare website between 1pm and 8pm then again from 8pm until 9pm with an extended closing time of 21:30pm on a Sunday evening.
Please remember how far you have already come in terms of progress, not everyone is able to admit there is a problem, reach out for help and start making changes. You should feel proud of the steps you have already taken, we're proud of you too.
If you do need to speak to us then you can call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline via our GamCare website through the day or the night.
Sending you all the best, you can indeed continue to recover your life and we're always here to listen. You're not alone in this.
Kindest regards
Joanne
Forum Admin
Thanks for the reply. The pain is intense in knowing I'll never be able to return to what we had as a family and more importantly that many of those more recent days were clouded in some way by gambling or my more general mental health issues.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
