Hi
This is my first time writing a post. I'm not really sure if this is going to help. Part of me is hoping that by writing my thoughts I can get some perspective from people that aren't involved.
I've been gambling on and off for the past 3-4years. Normally a few months on and then lick my wounds but get drawn back in. It always starts with winning but somehow then it takes over and I can't stop. Normally blackjack but over recent weeks it's been sports betting, anything that can help me win some money back. The thought of how much I've lost makes me feel sick and not know what to do. It's a feeling I've had before but after a few weeks end up trying 1 more time to win some or all of it back. U never win. U can never know when to stop. Why do I keep making the same mistakes thinking there will be a different outcome, madness? Perhaps. Many times I've wanted to tell my wife. Seek her help. There's always the fear of how she'll react. There's also the burden I'd be placing on here and my family. Am I even ready to do this? This is therefore my way of dealing with it. Writing a random post to anyone who can offer help or just a voice to listen. To tell me there will be better days that at 36 I have plenty of life in front of me to get better, improve myself as a person, husband, father. I'm not ready to tell her. She has too many other people burden their worries on her. I can't just leave her with a big mess to sort out. I have to take responsibility for my actions.i have to give up and start again. Live life.they don't make it easy. Adverts, shops everywhere not that I visit shops. Online has just killed me. Why so easy to get.? Ultimately it's my fault. I just need reassurance I can get through this and not be a burden on my family.
Wow!
Your story echoes mine in so many ways pal. First of all lift your head up- you are not a bad person you have an addiction- you have to get dtrong and tough and you cant do that feeling sorry for yourself. I hid my addiction from my wife for so long, she eventually found out by accident when i took out a credit card to try and hide the debt. And ill tell you straight she always said it was never the gamblimg or the stupidity, it was always the lies and secrets that hurt the most. Mate im afraid you always have to tell her, she deserves to know the truth, once the initial shock has worn off you might be surprised.
As for the addiction there is no easy ways out- you have to tackle it head on, but again need to be strong and have a plan in place one day at a time which then turns in to a week at a time.
Lots of helpful people on here with excellent advice.
Best of luck pal! you will be fine- one day at a time.
Hi Guys,
I'm completely new to the site and this is the first post / response I have written. I have been an addicted gambler for as long as i can remember, approximately 30 years. I started gambling when I was 15, all my mates did and I'm guessing I'm not the only one who has been almost consumed by the habit since.
I have tried giving up before but always go back to it. I don't gamble on games machines or casino etc, just sports betting. I am adamant that Im going to stop, I have to or God know's where I'll end up. One of the issues I have and will have to deal with is the love of the sport, not sure I could watch / keep an interest in horse racing etc without the temptation for a bet.
I have read some of the stories on the site of how much people have lost over the years and to me this is all relative. £100 to one man may be life and deathor for another hundreds of thousands can be absorbed.
Personally I would have to estimate that I have lost over £300K since I started gambling, although this could be much more, I just don;t know.
I am in the lucky position that I have a very good job and have been able to absorb this loss without losing my house / wife / family etc, although the lies and deceit that I have put on all of them will never leave me and in some ways is worse than a financial burden.
If I don't give it up this time I really don't know where I'll end up.
I will be coming on to the forum regularly for support and also to try and offer my experience / support to others in the same position. Ony gamblers can understand how much of a grip this addiction puts on you.
Regarding telling your wife, you must. I told mine some years ago, it hasn't helped much as she wouldn't be strong enough to confront me completely.I think she accepts it and that hurst me so much.
Wich me luck, I think we all need it.
J
Hi RBwanttogiveup
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing.
You have asked for some perspective from others who are not directly involved in your situation, and had some really helpful responses.
You have mentioned the cycle of winning and chasing losses and how your gambling pattern works. You may find it helpful to look at what happens before the winning stage takes hold. To help you understand and challenge this patterns you could contact our helpline and speak to an Adviser 0808 8020 133 who can arrange some free one to one counselling for you.
Coming to terms with loosing large amounts of money is difficult and there is no easy way to let that go. But you can do it by learning to leave the past behind and accepting that you cannot change what has already happened. By taking responsibility for your own actions and facing the consequences of your own choices. Reading the overcoming problem gambling section and the success stories section can be encouraging and uplifting. It shows that change is possible and that there are better days.
Finally you mentioned your online gambling being easy access. There is blocking software available for online devices which can block phones/laptops/computers and tablets for up to one year. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww
Kind regards
Cade
Forum Admin
Thanks for the responses. from time to time I've read some of the forums but never posted anything. Having someone actually respond to me personally is a help. Knowing that there are others out there who have experienced what I have and strong to come out the other side. I'm going to take it one day at a time. The first challenge for me is to overcome the feeling of guilt and getting over the loss of money which of course is not coming back. Then it's to stay away from gambling, little by little ill get there. 1 day, 1 week, 1 month1 , year. I just have to be strong not to get sucked back in for one last chance to win some money back. Part of the healing has to include telling my wife. I hate keeping this to myself but not in the right place to tell her just yet. I need some time.... I will look into the blocking software. The number of times I've closed an account to just open another one, I've lost count. Thanks again for the support. I'm going to try and post on here regularly as a way of reminding myself of my problem, my addiction.
When you say you lost it all.
do you mean your family home job money can be replaced.
Debts can be managed let me put some prospective to you
My friend died last year he was younger then you. He would have spent any amount of money
For just a little more time with his family.
You are going to have to tell your wife there's no good time
Depending on your situation have a plan for dealing with the debts in place before you tell her
At 36 your can and will recover from this if you stop for good you will need help to do that.
Dont be a fool like me i kept trying to recover what i lost and ended up with nothing
Lost my family home job the lot.
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