Lost everything I have ever had

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(@ali92)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

21st of February 2020
Worst day of my life I lost everything In my life crashed my car due to not concentrating and gambled everything I had ever saved for I had XXk saved. I never needed any more money but I just wanted to win money not because I needed it. 
On the morning of the 21st just before work at 5am I bet a £XX bet and won £XX back.
But for some reason when I finished work I went back on the gambling website and started to gamble more money I lost £XX so I started to double up to win my money back, and before I knew it I was walking round the park near my house loosing about £XXk and that's where it all went down hill. I then came back home got in my car as I was traveling to see my mum half way through the journey I had a accident as my head was not in the right place and lost concentration. 
At the point of the accident all I still cared about was how much money I've lost.
While we waited for the recovery truck I carried on gambeling loosing another XXk sat in the car.
We finally came back home around 12pm and I lost my final XXk.
When I checked PayPal I had spend over XXk.
I am deeply dipreserd I feel as a devil took over my body and I was blind, I'm now in over XXk debt with PayPal and have taken a loan for XXk to pay back.
I can't sleep eat and I need to go back to work to pay this off.

I had XXk in my bank now im in over XXk debt and crashed my car this all happened in 24 hours I can't see myself ever moving on and Im so selfish because I have a family that rely on me. I want to take my pain away but all I think of is my family. I'm deeply dipreserd lonely and deep anxiety. 

This topic was modified 4 years ago 2 times by Forum admin
 
Posted : 25th February 2020 7:16 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hello Ali

I am so sorry to hear how low you are feeling and the terrible effect gambling is having in your life. Please do call our HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or NetLine to find out how we can best support you with everything that is going on. There is a lot of free help available. Also please do call the Samaritans 116 123 about your suicidal feelings and talk to your GP. You can also talk to us 24/7 and if things are getting really bad, please get to A&E or call 111 or 999.

You are not alone and there is a lot of support available for what you are going through, so please do not lose heart, it sounds like gambling has become very compulsive for you and there are ways through that and the debts too. 

Wishing you all the best

Cal

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 9:48 pm
brownie889
(@brownie889)
Posts: 106
 

Wow that is some 24 hours!! I know it doesn't help but right now you just need to see that the money is gone and you can't get it back, you've sorted what you can in a short space of time and you have come in here... all positive steps, now would be a great time to maybe use the chat function and talk to a professional, get things in place for you to try rebuild. You had money behind you before you can get there again. If you can talk to those around you or maybe even samaritans or something if you feel your at the end. 

 

All the best and try stay strong

 
Posted : 25th February 2020 9:50 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)
Posts: 607
 
 
Sorry to hear about your story. Seems like your on a rollercoaster ride down the wrong way.  The actions are just actions. The money is just money. The depression and the loneliness and the anxiety is the first thing you need to address so you can deal with the other stuff later. You need to look at some counselling as soon as you can. Ask the admins here to guide you to the right place for it. Remember there is a place for you in the world so stick around and find out what you are supposed to do. All recovering gamblers here have been into dark places. That gives you strength in time to see the light but you need to ask for help so you can get there to.
All the best and good luck in your recovery!
 
This post was modified 4 years ago by c43h
 
Posted : 25th February 2020 9:54 pm
Emily82
(@emily82)
Posts: 51
 

Hi Ali

Oh my goodness, you poor poor thing!! My situation is not far off yours and so I completely understand the utter despair you must be going through. My current problem is online slots and I tell you, when I am gambling I am like some possessed zombie in a complete trance. This is no consolation but I can tell you that what you did is not difficult to do. I ploughed through XXk between the night of 21st and morning of 22nd Feb.

You are not alone. All that's right for us to do now is to stop! Find a way to not worsen our situation further.

I suppose I am not in the best place to guide you right now but I am here. Lurking daily on the forums doing whatever I can to not go into meltdown chase mode so I am here if you want to chat more.

Have 

Do your people know? Friends/ Fam? Have you got anyone you can confide in?

Also that is a lot of money. Whatever site you are using, have they done any funding source checks yet? To allow someone to deposit that much in such a short space of time should have flagged up checks.

I am really so sorry that you are going through this

Em x

This post was modified 4 years ago by Emily82
This post was modified 4 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 26th February 2020 6:38 am
DaveS1988
(@daves1988)
Posts: 63
 

@ali92

As you said the 21st February is the worst day of your life. Don't forget that. On your road to recovery whenever you think about gambling remember the way this day made you feel and how you never want to go back to this state. Man, I remember this feeling of rock bottom... it sucks! Take it from me though mate the only way is up and you can get out of this mess. You can be the person you know you really are, be that role model for your family. 

As @emily82 says you are not alone. Use the services already mentioned on this chain as they will help you greatly... and just a few things that helped me:

- you're gambling online by the sounds of things. Sign up to 'GAMSTOP' for five years to block yourself from all online casinos. 

- I know it's difficult but be honest with your loved ones. This will take a lot of weight off your shoulders and you will need their support. 

- Go to a GA meeting to be around people in the same situation as you. Read peoples stories/diaries on this site. 

- If you can have someone look after your finances for the first few weeks/months

Don't sweep this under the carpet and carry on Ali. We all know that's the easy route but it always ends up worse. 

Take care

Dave. 

 
Posted : 26th February 2020 10:31 am
Emily82
(@emily82)
Posts: 51
 

Ali, I have been thinking about you a lot! Are you ok? 

Em x

 
Posted : 1st March 2020 7:42 am
(@ali92)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

Hi Emily

Thanks for asking I don't even know how to start and explain how I'm feeling.

I took my daughter to her friend's bday party's she's only 2 but I couldn't even sit down or talk to any of the parents that I knew I'm so dippreserd I can't even communicate or socialize with anyone Im an emotion wreck at the moment I'm having so many breakdowns in the day. 

My partner could see how low I feel and she's been thinking it's all because of the car accident but I sat her down last night and said I f****d up and told her the truth but didn't tell her the amount that I have lost.

She was very understanding and supportive because I couldn't live the with lie anymore.

But I'm mentally and physically destroyed. I use to be very optimistic 

My mind is else where all day I can't think straight. 

I've lost my mind but this all happened on the 21220

When u turn the date around the 2s become 666. Yes I'm going crazy 

I don't know how I can ever move forward from this I'm looking forward to getting my counceling this week hopefully. 

 
Posted : 2nd March 2020 10:48 am
(@ali92)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

All I keep thinking is the times that I should have stopped and had the opportunits that I had but I just didn't I just kept digging myself in this massive hole that I couldn't get out of and thinking its all going to turn around for me but it didn't and I kept going

 
Posted : 2nd March 2020 11:52 am
Emily82
(@emily82)
Posts: 51
 

Oh Ali, 

The amount of times I’ve looked back and thought why didn’t I just stop then! We can’t stop, we are addicts with a problem. The only way to solve this is to stop gambling. 

I’m really glad you told your partner. You are going to need support and love during this time.

The way you’re thinking and feeling is not going to go away overnight. That dread and sick feeling will be with you for a while but you will improve slightly daily. At the moment you can’t think straight because your mind is a foggy haze, once this haze starts to lift you will start to think and communicate clearly again.

you’re in danger zone right now because your large loss is so raw but you must write it off otherwise that loss will increase eventually.

Time, Money, Availability is the Gambling Triangle. Remove these and you won’t be able to. 

Availability- This is where the blocks come into play, sign up to Gamstop which will automatically exclude you from all Uk gaming operators and Install Gamban on your devices so you won’t be able to even load a site.

Money - Hand over finances to a loved one and allow yourself only the minimum you will need to live on. If this is not an option get an account that you can block gambling transaction being made. I believe monzo is good.

Time - start making plans (particularly on a weekend if that’s when you gamble). Go and see friends, start playing Tennis, anything that will take up your time and with something you’ll enjoy.

well done for coming back here, I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you again and was really worried as I’ve been where you are too many times to mention. Consider starting a diary here and stay close to it. There’s a group chat at 1pm and 8pm everyday In ‘get support - group chat room’ and there’s always a bunch of really good like minded people to talk and listen to you.

I for one am following your fight and believe we can both can do this! 

Em x

This post was modified 4 years ago by Emily82
 
Posted : 3rd March 2020 7:17 am

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