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In a mess  

 
kb1983
(@kb1983)

Hello,

I have finally come to the end of what I can gamble. All my lifesavings have gone and I have £40,000 racked up in credit card debt.
I can afford to pay off my debt my basically over 3 years using 80% of my monthly wages as I’ve moved £30,000 to various balance transfers with 0%. The problem is my partner who is in Australia is coming back in august and is expecting us to find a place together. I won’t be able to pay the deposit, rent or bills with my current credit card debt.

I’ve had to move back home with parents since she left for Australia for work 6 months ago and she doesn’t know why (assumes I’m saving money).

I don’t know what to do when she comes back. Not sure I can tell her the truth in which case I may just stop paying my debt so I have money for rent and bills which I know will be awful. 

The other option is to leave her and let her live her life without me weighing her down with my mess.

Quote
Posted : 23rd June 2021 11:49 am
Lewisham1
(@lewisham1)

I think we are all in the same boat we have all tried to hide it but the truth always comes out in the end. I think you need to get help first regardless what your partner says dosent say. You need to sort yourself out get help from support that is available. Make affordable payments which are realistic talk to yr debters. Try and put stops in place to help you stop or this will just be a circle I really have my fingers crossed for you but your strong enough to do this. You can do it.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd June 2021 3:43 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi kb1983 and Welcome.

The important thing is you fix yourself and heal from this. A true recovery will take openness and honesty to build solid foundations.

The trusted advice is you should be telling people that you love and trust.

You cant live a lie and those figures will not allow you to do that. At the moment you are carrying out a hasty damage limitation exercise as we all did. Its almost certainly not sustainable without real help to get better.

The truth will actually set you free. If you have a reasonable job and your partner sees something in you it can all be worked out with proper measures.

This is no game about a silly flutter. Its essentially a drug addiction which can kill people with the sheer despair and misery.

You should be taking immediate steps to get your money protected. Its no good to you until you heal properly and even then you can never be complacent again.

You will need financial advice but take one step at a time. Dont rush haead thinking about renting or marriage. You have a recovery journey to start because if you dont sort yourself out there is no decent future.

Being honest and positive is an attractive quality. If you try and hide the truth it will eat you up inside. People are not daft and they will soon suss out you are paying off substantial debts because you will constantly look tired stressed and shifty

It may well be that you have to reschedule those debts or get a payment break. You are allowed a living allowance before repayments and there is no point worrying yourself ill about payments. I dont know what you earn but you need professional advice.

You have a lot to learn but there is hope if you stay connected and reach out for all the help you can get.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

This post was modified 1 month ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd June 2021 5:24 pm
kb1983
(@kb1983)

Thank you Joydivder 

That is all very good advice.

I am thinking of writing a letter to my partner to explain everything as don’t think I have to ability to do this over the phone. In person would be different.

I want to be honest with her before we commit to living together as it will be much worse to tell her when we are financially involved as a couple. I want to give her a way out as it’s only fair after I’ve lied to her for so long. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd June 2021 6:12 pm
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