I think it's time.

Hi FML

Sure you are not in as bad a position as others *at the moment* but there is a risk of things getting worse. I started off just gambling on a Friday after work and a Saturday, then midweek football, but small affordable amounts and my savings were increasing as gambling was only a small part of my life and I didnt spend all my wages on my other hobbies and interests. But there are changes in life and I took wrong life decisions and couldn't cope with certain scenarios and situations and the gambling increased and became the dominant factor in my life, lost a fortune, lost relationships, people saw me as a Jekyll and Hyde character with mood swings, lying, cancelling social events, borrowing until false pretences etc. It can all escalate quickly.

You have lost £11k in 6 years. You will leave Uni and get a decent job. Bets will become higher amounts. You could lose much more and not just in money. My income level means I should have retired by now and be living in a Villa in Spain and could also have made many property investments and been a millionaire ( no exaggeration ). But instead most of my income goes on paying debts and my life is very average.

Can you gamble in control? Not many can. The way you describe your past indicates you cannot. Dont give up the recovery path so easily. Stay on the diaries and chat and stick it out for a while, take a day and a week at a time.

Captain 

Well well well, here we are again.

I have now just re-read my previous diary from December 2021. For anyone who wondered, I did graduate from university in the summer with a good degree. I continued to abstain from gambling for about two weeks, then I started placing football bets at weekends, low and behold a few months later, I lost £1000 on a casino game. The pattern continued twice last year, and a third time at the weekend just gone. I now believe I am in a better frame of mind to really beat this addiction. I realised that when things got tough, I would leave any source of help I was receiving and just slowly crawl back in to the addiction. Hence why I left this Diary when it was positive. So instead of creating a new diary I thought I will just add to this one.

So here we are, Day 1 again. It was strange reading through my diary from 14 months ago. It was like nothing had changed, my exact same thoughts just with the knowledge that I did this last time and did not beat it. I have began to realise that worse than the financial torture this addiction causes, it's the mental pain of being so low and high due to gambling, its not healthy. It has negative consequences on my career as well as my fitness. I feel i am more educated now than ever to beat this addiction. I would like to apologise to the people who left comments on my diary giving me very sound and educated advice as I feel I have somewhat let you down, but worse, I've let myself down. Please feel free to add a reply! I will be trying to update this diary daily, I am committed to finally getting the real win; not gambling.