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I just can’t stop no matter what  

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Certifed
(@certifed)

Back to day 0 as gambled tonight and lost. Been gambling heavy again for about a month straight now and now lock down is coming tomorrow I can’t go into any bookies because they are closing. I am self excluded online and also self excluded in most bookies in my area. My addiction is that bad I travel a long way to go and gamble. 25 minute walk to the train station, then it’s a 10 minute journey on the train and then a 40 minute walk to the bookies where I’m not banned from. So in average it takes me way over 2 hours both ways out of my day and the stress is absolutely unbearable. Yes I know I will go a whole month without a bet now so it’s physically impossible so can I really call tomorrow day 1? 

I really don’t know what to do anyone. Gambling has killed me since I turned 18 I am now 24 nearly 25. I have gone into thousands of debts but they are all paid off now. It was only this week I’ve been taking out a loan, winning with the money I borrow then give the loan company the moan back I borrowed, that’s how deep it is. It’s such a s**t situation. 

I have also been in a situation before where I lost a bet and I ripped up my passport in anger and o didn’t get to go on my dream holiday with my now ex girlfriend. One of the main reasons she got rid of me was because of the gambling. Haven’t seen her for nearly 3 years. 

I have told my current girlfriend about my problems and I’m worried she will hate me and do the same my ex did when she found of I lost thousands of pounds. I seriously just cannot stop. 

I know I probably won’t get a response from anyone because no one ever seems to care about my problems but I am literally *swear word* 

pleaee someone help me because someone’s I wish I could just end everything and just sleep so the pain goes away. 

thank you if anyone takes their valued time in reading 

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Posted : 4th November 2020 11:05 pm
Vamp
 Vamp
(@vamp)

I will ring you tomorrow if you want mate? If you’ve got an email address I’ll Mail you now.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 12:20 am
Amba
 Amba
(@amba)

Hello certified.

I'm sending you some compassionate thought's as I'm all out of wisdom having just done what you hAve myself. I can understand the despair you feel. it's not a good place to be in is it. I hope you are feeling a little less distressed since you posted.  It won't make you feel any better right now but you are a young guy and there's still time for you to have a different and beťter life where you don't have to feel this way. It won't be easy, but you have the gift of time which is half the battle won.

I feel for you, as I can imagine the lock down period will be immensely difficult - I feel so anxious about this myself. Just take things one day at a time and hopefully life will be kinder to you.

Sending warm wishes to you Certified.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 3:41 am
Rob_Evans88
(@rob_evans88)

I hope your alright lad. 

It appears to me that u will literally go to any lengths to have a bet & your in a vulnerable spot at the min, the important thing to realise is placing the first wager is fatal under any circumstance. 

Please be putting further blocks in place, do not do the common mistake of leaving any avenues or potential open to gamble whatsoever (look at my thread) 

Work on what needs working on in ur life & what can be done/made better. I’ve resumed a ‘normal’ life again after a couple of heavy handed relapses this year & what u get out of ur everyday life is so much better than the madness & despair gambling offers u. It frees u up to focus on everything else & the things that matter in your life. And I’m less preoccupied with betting, it’s a true test of your willpower however. It’s a case of knowing that no win is ever big enough for us, and then businesses will still be standing as we fail if we keep on feeding them. 

You have a big win you will give it back further down the line if not the same day.,

As my new found motto goes uv gotta make sure u have what u need in life, things u want u can work towards. 

 

U can be in the position of ur life if u stop now. Get your blocks put in & get a payment plan set up with your loan. 

I know if I gamble again I’ll lose my family, I want to be there for them for life. 

The consequences are real. 

 

It’s all not easy but I can only wish u the best of luck at this point. 

I’ll keep an eye out for you

Rob

Last bet 11/9/20

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 3:21 pm
Rob_Evans88
(@rob_evans88)

Be putting gambling blocks on ur bank accounts, self exclude from the other bookmakers, use gamblock. 

I had to block a couple of websites as well I protected them with a passcode & got the mrs to put a code in for me 1 that I didn’t know. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 3:25 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@certified do you feel like you're on your own and no one understands what it's like to be you?

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 7:46 pm
Certifed
(@certifed)

Yeah it does feel like I’m on my own. I know people also have gambling issues too but I’ve never heard about them in real life only online. I’m in such a state and recently I’ve been willing to travel afar just to have a bet. It seems like the blocks for online and the multiple banned shops in my area has not done a thing for me

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 7:50 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@certified Okay, well how about meeting others like you in real life? Can you make it to a GA meeting? If you'll travel two hours for a bet then there will be a GA meeting within that distance, if not a lot closer.

You'll see that  you are similar to a lot of people who feel a lot of the same things that you do. You'll also see that there are others who aren't as bad as you yet but also others who are a lot worse that have come out of the other side. 

The reading I posted on here a while back about an addict who was in a hole is a perfect reading for someone who needs help. Search for it in the search bar. Then if it feels like you are in the hole, reach out for someone to help you get out of it, a real person who has lived experience and knows how to do it.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 10:44 pm
M&P
 M&P
(@mp)

The thing is mate....most of us on here have done exactly the same. I've self-excluded and traveled further and further away to find a bookies that doesn't know me - just like you.  I've messed up relationships - just like you. I've been in absolute despair - just like you.  I am a lot older mate and its cost me hundreds of thousands and a good life and people I loved - some of which is just like you.  I know what its like to be unable to stop yourself, thinking that I will win this time and that's the last bet.....but it never is. You stopped for a month which is fantastic - forget everything you have lost as its never coming back. Start again Day 1 and take the next month as a chance to start to stop. You need counselling and do it - its free and the numbers are on here! Every time you think you will have a little flutter its like an alcoholic taking a drink - they just get P****d and you will lose not just money but time and relationships and a proper life.  I've done it and have been sick to my stomach so many times but you can beat it just tell someone when you feel it pressing down on you - tell someone the times when you want to go to the bookies. I can go on any day at 10am and happily stay there until they shut at 9pm..........but I can't and neither should you.

Today is Day 1 - STICK WITH IT. Do your best. You have asked for help here now you must take it. Divert your spare time so it doesn't become inevitable. Don't start an argument and blame your girlfriend as its not her fault (I used to do that just to have an excuse to get out to the bookies!!).

Day 1 mate and a month ahead to help...........Good luck - don't look back in a few years and wish you had more strength as you will hate yourself more than you do now. Ask for help and take it. Be strong even if you think its impossible and beyond you. It does get better if you are strong. And never ever be tempted to have a little flutter after all its Cheltenham or anything else as it will start again - I know.

 

This post was modified 6 months ago by M&P
ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th November 2020 12:28 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hello Certified.

The tragic thing about this addiction is that it often takes a rock bottom moment for problem gamblers to snap into the mode of reaching out for real help

You can stop but you havent taken the steps to get your money controlled away from you and to be monitored by people close to you Clearly bookies blocks are no good for you because you dont block in a wide enough area and the truth is you know you are going to bypass them anyway.

Gambling is a drug addiction and you are hooked. Start looking at it like a drug addiction. Your gambling sessions only make sense to your addicted mind and the banter merchants in the bookies...they dont make sense to recovering or non gamblers..

Truth is that people in the bookies dont care about you..They are lost in their own delusional world and they dont want to see you do better than them...totally false environment

Have a good sleep and then wake up and tell people close to you. A true born again moment is what you need

I cried for three days until I could cry no more. I curled up while sheer misery and darkness went through my mind...enough was enough I could take no more of my destructive addiction.

I got out of bed when I felt some strength and phoned my dad.. just got the jumbled words out. 

I then smartened up and made it a day when some pride began to surge through me. I got some photos taken and went to all the places to self exclude. I knew that would be a test but it drew a line under that for me...I wouldnt break the shame barrier but with my family support I would also exclude from anywhere near work or on routes to work

I found that I wouldnt break barriers or go out of my way to break them. However there were plans B, C etc in place and my money was safely controlled away from me.

Talking through my feelings we built up a picture of me and my trigger points. It takes effort openness and honesty. Just one point is we know that feeling alone with bad news is a vunerability for me.

I take pride in reporting how I am doing and my finances. That is NOTHING compared with an addiction that was killing me. I dont know how I got through my gambling periods apart from defrauding my parents and paying the rent months late. I look back on that time know and know I was seriously ill.

Im not going to soft soap you certified but I do care. I would stop you but I sense you would rail against me at every turn. You have to be ready yourself as nobody can force you to change.

You have lost relationships and plenty of money. Gambling is not an income scheme and somebody needs to tell you that regularly to see your reactions.

You get better when you do the cold turkey. Lockdown will help force that but I get the sense you are just worried that you cant  go in to gamble

Dont fear an abstention recovery. Fear an addiction which destroys people and will take you further down

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 6 months ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th November 2020 5:34 pm
Certifed
(@certifed)

I know I haven’t posted for a while on here but I’m sure you can all guess why. 
Well a slight positive is I haven’t gambled since the 30th December so gamble free so far in 2021. Unfortunately I am self excluded however I’ve been visiting these shops and they haven’t noticed me as a self excluded customer due to doing the self exclusions online. One shop in my city centre realised I shouldn’t be in there after about a week of gambling in the premises. No good for me as I lost around 3k during that period. Any advice/tips for this?

I have all blocks in place so I officially cannot gamble at the moment due to COVID but I’m worried when it’s over and they open again as I’ve proved I can still get into the shops. 

still unsure where I’m going here but I feel like I cannot remember the last 7/8 years of my life due to time and money being lost to gambling. My mind is completely lost. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th January 2021 6:02 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@certified have you told anyone close to you? Partner, parent, friend?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th January 2021 6:47 pm
Certifed
(@certifed)

Yes I managed to tell my boss at work. I currently have no access to money as I have destroyed my bank card which hopefully helps short term 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th January 2021 6:51 pm
AadamK
(@aadamk)

you got email or number bro? we can chat sometime. whenever yor feeling down

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th January 2021 7:04 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello, 

Just to let you know, if you do wish to contact other forum members away from the forum please email [email protected] and we can facilitate this for you if both people agree. 

Take care, 

Rebecca 

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th January 2021 10:35 pm
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