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I Finally admitted the obvious  

 
The only way is up
(@the-only-way-is-up)

Thirty years on or about ,

Firstly the fruit machines , back in the 80's i was on *** per week,  all gone .......  then betting on the horses , then the FOBT'S and now them coupled with the interactive pub machines .

I have quit before , for exactly one year around a decade ago , [ the only time I felt I was in control of my life and a time when I was close to actually making a name for myself....I literally]   i relapsed [A week before a life changing opportunity....my shot was gone]  i think the grand national was the reason i was  lured back ,i was addicted again .

 This  [ illness ]  has messed my life up . I've had in that time one holiday, ruined my relationship with a truly lovely person , never had money to get married or even think about kids . i have a house ....Just .  re mortgaged Twice  [ To pay the gambling debts on my cards] but i maxed out the three credit cards 'again' a decade ago, and i currently owe around ***** .i owe the tax ,and the last straw was i blew the money to pay that tax man in my local pub last night playing the bandit [ its always these interactive ones ], [ i won last week , the next day gone ...  I've never put an actual coin in a machine for at least 15 years , always notes . The most I've lost in a day was **** , *** plus is commonplace . this year has been the worst . every penny i have earned i have spent , i barely buy food now , inc walking 15 miles home at night after blowing all  my cash [ I've done this twice btw ] .  

Last night was literally the breaking point , i am in no way a violent person but as i walked out of that pub , i punched a nearby wall and i have broken my hand , i then frantically googled , gambling helpline numbers , and this sites number came up . i had a one hour chat , and i received  a  follow up call today . fixing me an assessment . then there will be eight consultations . 

I have an addictive personality ,[ bar drugs and smoking ,which i have never done ]  i have pushed the boat out . but gambling is the worst . a few pints i feel like [email protected] and stop . gambling i cannot . i live on my own , i have been single now for over a decade , not even any other relationships , and there is nobody to hand over my funds too . the first thing i will do is snap my cash card and use the i wallet . and only take any cash i need . 

 I need my brain re wiring , and once i am pointed in the right direction , i will make it my duty to use this knowledge to help others if that is via volunteering , via a helpline , visiting schools . or Lobbying MP's i will make it my duty . Forget climate emergencies  kids will die , if nothing changes , my gambling is physical [ i have never gambled online ] that is the scourge . 

Finally ...   My post is a ramshackle mess but that is where i am atm .

 

This topic was modified 1 month ago by The only way is up
This topic was modified 1 month ago 2 times by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 14th October 2019 10:45 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi.

Welcome to the forum.

You are not alone in what you have done. We have experienced what you are going through so you have to take something from the fact that you are not odd or the only person its happened to.

All I can say is dont rush ahead of yourself and use the tried and trusted advice here to focus down on the misery that gambling causes.

There is help and there is no shame in reaching out for all that help. You know you cant go on like that and you have to do something.

Its a strong addiction but part of the recovery process is finding out who you are and why gambling fills a giant void in us.

I can assure you that life is better gamble free. Yes you will have to face reality but its infinately better than reality coupled with a devastating gambling problem.

There is a relief in honesty and you can get financial advice to only pay what you can afford. There are options so debt doesnt ruin your life Gambling was never the answer to how you were and are feeling. The main thing is that must stop now

Its a complicated addiction where many addicts are just seeking any emotion above numb....yes even the emotions of extinction gambling as its often a cry for help.

So dont feel you have to advise anybody for a long while and just concentrate on doing what you have to do.

A gamblers anonymous meeting is something you could get to quite quickly so please dont rule that out...its a humbling experience and a huge reality check because you may feel like baring your soul.

There are no upsides to gambling on the slots.  You know its all going back in and you know that you dont really think of them as an income scheme.How they are legal still astounds me but I realise that even the government are making massive amounts from the misery.

Yes you do need your brain rewiring and that takes some time.

Ideally someone trusted should look after all your money....your willpower alone is not really enough certainly in the early stages. ideally you need to be on an allowance providing receipts...taking cash you need can soon break down if your blocks are not very strong.

There is a serenity in settling your life down. Things will come when you are focused on loving yourself. Im not saying it  is particularly easy but its not an immense fight when you are finally ready.

Youve made a good start but square one is a born again moment and rock solid foundations...you can never be complacent again.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 1 month ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th October 2019 6:42 pm
The only way is up
(@the-only-way-is-up)

Thank you very much for the reply . its nice to know I'm not alone , on this journey . 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th October 2019 8:22 pm
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